Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

I've known five in my 64 years. All died of alcohol related illnesses. Life's short OP, have the one you deserve.

He died. Through his own actions, which were not the responsibility of anyone else. I know it's hard but you have to protect yourself and your child.

My mums husband is an alcoholic. He now has dementia and is in a care home. His dementia was diagnosed in his late 60s but probably started earlier. It is vascular as well as Alzheimers - the vascular is likely to be alcohol related, but maybe he would have got it anyway - who knows? His own daughters have nothing to do with him, I don't blame them. He's a horrible waste of oxygen costing a fortune to keep alive & will probably live for years yet.

My sister is an alcoholic. She's just hit 5 years sober. Her marriage broke down and she lost everything. Home, job & kids. AA worked for her, she still goes to probably 4 meetings a week. Life is getting back on track, has the kids weekends. I would also recommend you go to Al - Anon.

I've known a few, none had good outcomes.

1st Work colleague, eventually got sacked after so many chances and was caught drink driving on the way home after being removed from the office (we tipped off the police). His long suffering wife left him and he died of complications from alcohol poisoning a few years later.

2nd Wife left him eventually after being attacked once too often. Company went bankrupt and he drank himself into an early grave. Kids were NC.

3rd Lost her kids through neglect who were then brought up by her elderly parents. Drank herself to death, teenage kids attended her funeral. Kids went off the rails as grandparents couldn't cope with traumatised teenagers as they were quite frail pensioners in their 70's. Dad was just as bad as Mum but no idea what happened to him.

I thought he’d hit rock bottom six months ago, but he’s still drinking (and blaming me). I love him but I have to protect our child.

He was raised by two alcoholics, one died in an accident at 50 and one’s been sober for a few years after getting near death. He has been going to AA sporadically, and has cut down, but I don’t think he accepts the gravity of the situation.

My friend's ex- managed to stay sober for 15 years then went back to drinking, dead within 6 months

I know quite a few people who might meet the test for an alcohol use disorder- drinking daily, 50+ units a week- but wouldn't consider themselves alcoholics and do it in a socially acceptable manner (bottle of claret with dinner, never noticeably drunk). Lives are going reasonably well albeit probably not as well as they would be going without the alcohol. We are all late 40s/early 50s which i think is the point at which this stuff starts to tell.

Good luck, op. Have you been in touch with Al-Anon?

Amazing that you managed that, well done for going cold turkey.

Was it difficult? A litre of gin must have meant bad ill effects?

Yes, two. One died of liver failure at 57. The other stopped drinking at age 47 or 48 (got admitted to hospital to dry out followed by a 3 month stay in an NHS funded addiction centre - sadly no longer a thing) and has been dry for 35 years now.

Both did untold damage to their children.

Knew two. One seriously injured themselves in a car accident, and then killed in a car accident.

The other, the brother of the first, attended an extensive residential clinic for alcoholics and remained sober for the last 30 odd years of their life.

I’m so sorry.
My ex wouldn’t take accountability and change so we divorced
he fell apart - massive break down. Found pissed in doorways by police around our city.
No relationship at all with our child - he tried to blame me for everything

but I know too of turnaround stories
there’s some kind of pain he’s trying to numb

One of my best friends was an alcoholic. he Was in AA when I met him in early 20s and clean. Had kicked it. Started again in late 20s, insisting he was in control, and drank more and more heavily. Was a high functioning alcoholic until his 40 when he had a complete physical collapse and fell into a coma. Looked like he wouldn't make it for a while, but came out of it albeit with loss of motion and unable to work. Despite this, despite a family and friends who all tried to help him, he continued to drink heavily. He died in his late 40s. Very, very sad and a terrible waste.

Friend, dead at 54. BIL dead at 49, though that was due to a drug overdose rather than alcoholism. His father (FIL) miraculously lived to 80, though in poor health for the last 10 years of his life.
Luckily DH doesn't take after his father or brother.

I think you're doing the right thing by leaving and not subjecting your child to the horror of it.

Three.
One died at 33 from liver failure. One still drinking daily but seemingly still walking the line to keep from dropping into a downward spiral. One completely amazing person, now 20 years sober.

They’re all different but the one thing in common is that they have all put their loved ones through hell by varying degrees. You need to take care of yourself first and find some support, it’s not easy to love an alcoholic.

Long hospital stay after very major cancer surgery and now being tube fed seemed to solve it. Bit of an extreme example though! (Also, sometimes wonder if they'll just decide to put it down the tube)

Yes, DEAD.

Sorry, but three friends died due to alcohol and I know one other person who’s just about surviving.
Please prioritise your own health.

My previous partner I knew him for 10 years , together 5 and in those 5 years I only ever knew him not drink one day … he was also into drugs . He died a couple of years ago alone in his caravan in his 30s.

This is such a sad thread. My DH's late brother was an alcoholic. He died way before his time.

I'm so sorry to all who have been affected by this horrible addiction.

BIL, wife divorced him and has not seen his kids in 5 years. Lives in a hostel but works full time in a trade. Takes cocaine and pills too, don't know how he is still alive.

FIL is sober 37 years and still attends AA meetings twice a week.

My Aunt ( 58) drinks a bottle of gin everyday. She has always worked in highly professional jobs with long hours and it has never affected her work. Has crashed various cars numerous of times. One child is no contact and the other is very low contact.

My mother had a heart attack at 51, which was her wake up call. Stopped her for a while but she was drinking again the last time I saw her. I always thought it was the booze that made her so vicious but turns out she was just really vicious, drunk or not.

My cousin, mid 40s. Had been an alcoholic all his adult life but got worse during his 30s. His wife kicked him out (can't blame her as he put her through hell and they had kids) and he lived rough for a while. Several other family members tried to help him and got external agencies involved in trying to help him but to no avail. He'd engage for so long but then lose interest and keep drinking. One family member even had him live with them for a while but he made their lives a misery and was quite abusive so they made him leave. Continued sleeping rough and was found dead. Multiple organ failure.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. My friends husband drank himself to death. Only small mercy was he'd moved out a few months earlier. Please get support.

Sadly a sibling, he has stopped drinking now (I think) but replaced the drink with prescription medication that he buys off the internet. He has periods of being better, and periods of being absolutely off his face. Been going on for years and we’ve all come to the realisation we can’t help him.

My Dad, he drank himself to death at the age of 41, he was told if he didn’t stop drinking within 12 months he would die, he didn’t even make 9 months.

His whole family have alcoholism to various degrees.

He had a horrendous death as every single one of his organs failed.