Do you know an alcoholic? What has happened to them?

[BottleDown]

My partner of 5 years is an alcoholic. We have a young child. I am making plans to leave, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

If there’s an alcoholic in your life, what has happened to them?

Sorry to hear this OP. I'll be honest - I know a few 'functioning' alcoholics (some who don't admit to it/accept it), I know of some who've just 'disappeared' and I know of some who passed away due to their excessive drinking. It's all so sad.

@Fibblet sorry this is happening to you.

You do need to protect yourself and end the relationship though.

Drinking methylated spirit and then pretending he doesn't know why you're being "different" with him? It's a type of madness and it won't stop. Please don't let it destroy you as well as him.

Totally agree. Even for those who never have to struggle with the horror of addiction, the more we learn about alcohol the more we understand it to be a poison that only does harm to our bodies. I say this as an occasional drinker with no personal trauma attached to it. The regulation of alcohol is totally out of step with our scientific understanding of it.

Fibblet

If you can't seperate physically from him then detach yourself emotionally and take steps to protect yourself physically.

Never get in a car with him driving if he's had any drink at all. Better still not even if he's sober because he could easily be taken suddenly ill while driving. He's at the meths drinking stage so he could die at any moment and it will likely be really sudden and catastrophic.

How can you protect yourself and your property if he gets pissed and decides to cook while your asleep and sets fire to the kitchen?

His death will probably be sudden, messy and horrific. If you can't get away from him brace yourself and take great care.

@Fibblet you will find lots of support on here from people going through, or who have been through, similar hell. Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking - thread 3

My mother - dead in her 40s due to an alcohol related accident.

A great aunt - lifelong mostly 'functional' alcoholic. Got alzheimers relatively young and ended up in a vegetative state for several years.

Its not good, basically

Both my parents and my sister.

My father is still alive somewhere (we have been estranged for over 30 years)

My Dm died at 62 , not necessarily from alcoholism but she fell trying to stand up and hit her head(she had other physical issues)

My sister recovered a few years ago and is doing very well - better than I am as a matter of fact. Makes me wonder.

Thankfully, I’ve just won an occupation order to live in my own house again (I’m amidst a horrific never ending divorce too) so I have my own place 15 minutes away from my partner. I have, in the past, slept in tents, hotels and cars to get away.

I know millions of them. There is a fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous where approx 2.5 million are in recovery at anyone given time in 180 countries.

There are 4500 meetings in the UK alone per week. It's a fellowship of like-minded people who support each other.

I am 23 years sober in March through it, and yes I'm still active in service and the fellowship. That's how group levels work, on one alcoholic carrying the message to another.

It's a fellowship like no other and it works for those who want it. It is nothing like peoples stereo types ideas either, including what mine was.

I have friends all over the world from visiting other meetings whilst away.

Why wouldn't I go and meet like-minded people, and get to know them?

There are many other 12 step fellowships that have come off AA, including Al-Anon for the families or those with someone in there life or not whose drinking was/is a problem. We believe it is a family illness

An alcoholic is not what most people think it is. The majority of people who get in the rooms and stay are not your down and outs as unfortunately their alcoholism as usually gone too far. At some stage in our drinking we have stepped over a line where we can take one drink safely. Which proves there is more to stopping drinking, than drinking.

They are your average person from every walk of life. It's not what you drink, or how often, it's about what happens when you drink. My drinking was evening over about 4 years however I knew I needed to do something about it

If your interested in more info take a look at the link below to out national site

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

I know myself and my son. Does that count? Stop looking down on the addicts and blame the alcohol...

It's like me saying "yes, I'm fat but it's not my fault. Blame the Jaffa Cakes"

Plenty of people are in recovery from alcohol addiction. Stop playing the blame game and take some responsibility

Alcohol doesn't have agency. Humans do.

I've known 3:

My best friends step dad- huge problems with drink and unfortunately worked in the pub trade. He would drink from morning until evening every day (I worked in one of his pubs when I was younger and saw for myself). He would regularly pass out in the pub and wake up and do it all again. He did eventually get sober after my friend's mum kicked him out. Had met someone else and really got it together but very sadly, dropped dead from a heart attack at 55.

A friend from the town I grew up in, more binging and not knowing when to stop than drinking every day/ dependant. But I would say still toma very problematic level. I have kind of lost touch now as although a lovely guy when sober, he could be a real arse when drunk and got very nasty when his ex (also a friend) broke up with him.

A former work colleague (again from working in bars). Very bad vodka problem, he would sneak vodka shots while working. Eventually he was sacked for stealing vodka from the bar. I haven't seen him for years but follow him on Strava and he is very into exercise now, so I really hope he has got things under control.

I hope your partner can get this sorted and real feel for you, it's horrible to be around.

Maternal Grandma is one- 2-3 bottles of wine a day sort. When I was 8 she walked out on my Grandad after 30ish years of marriage. Didn’t say anything to him, just took her stuff when he was at work and left. She’d met someone else, obviously. Turns out the someone else was a convicted paedophile.

My mum found out by chance, an old friend had seen them together and asked my mum if she was aware of his convictions. My mum contacted the police, they said he isn’t allowed near children. We never spoke to her again because she knew and hadn’t told my mum, let us visit the house- luckily with my mum so not alone.

Last time I saw her was about 15 years ago in a supermarket by chance. I don’t think she recognised me and I didn’t say anything. She’s a mess.

My mum - she died

I have known 4. All four died early. 1 was childless but the other three non drinking partners caused untold damage to their children and their relationship with those children as adults. Those children could not understand why the parent who didn't drink stayed / stayed so long given the damage it was doing to the children.

My father’s only brother. He died.

Nobody forces you to take the first drink. Take personal responsibility. No wonder your son has drink problems as well if that's your attitude!

My ex was an alcoholic. I ended it after 2 children and 5 years of his bs and abuse. My children were 2.5 and 4 when we spilt. He saw them briefly for a time after but it had to go to supervised as he was still drinking (but lying about it) then court stopped him seeing them so he could get sober. He had to be sober for 2 years. He continued to drink. He died when they were 7 and 9. It broke their hearts.

I know this thread is a couple
of months old now, but I just wanted to say well done, that’s really impressive . And to others who have given up too.
I know two. I had a friend, I use the term loosely as actually I now realise she was manipulating me dreadfully. She quit for a while but has now disappeared off the scene again so I can only assume she’s back to her old ways.

The ones I've known have died for other reasons such as a fall.

@BottleDown wishing you the best with drawing a line under your partner's drinking

I know someone who was a functional alcoholic until he got a diagnosis of type 2 diabetes. Then he completely turned things around by focusing intensely on health. Some addictive personalities, given the right incentive, can change the nature of the addiction.

That's really young

Close relative, male, married with 3 severely autistic DC. Didn’t work for 15 years as was expected to “home-school” DC (that didn’t work).
Now working occasionally, but still lapses from time to time.
Police called on several occasions as has been violent when drunk.
I suspect he will be dead before me - he’s 8 years younger…

Of four I know, two have done AA and recovered, are now teetotal and talk openly about their alcoholism - I really admire them.

One sadly died from related complications and left 2 young children without a father. He never acknowledged the problem even when his wife divorced him for the drinking.

One is currently dragging down a relative of mine. They’ve accepted they have a problem but there are so many reasons they can’t (won’t) engage with help. In the meantime my relative has become isolated and anxious due to this person.

Only they can choose to rescue themselves and if they don’t, they’ll take you down with them is my takeaway.