Quite often people do accidentally marry a version of their abusive parent. There's a lot of statistics around it, I think the theory is that you're drawn to what's familiar in your childhood, not quite sure.
But it's worth going away and reading about that - and considering the implications for your own children.
If a daughter grows up with an exemplary and husband, she's seen how her husband should treat her. She's less likely to accept less than what she's seen. If she's grown up seeing her father put down and belittle her mother, and her mother tolerate it - what's the message there?
The trouble is, that there's no point in telling kids to "stop fucking swearing" because kids learn by example. You telling them something isn't acceptable doesn't mean anything if you continue to accept it with your actions.
With children of alcoholics, for example, they are hugely more likely to either turn into an alcoholic themselves, or marry one. That's despite having absolutely despised it as a child. Children of smokers are the same.
It's a similar deal with growing up in an abusive household. Your norms and boundaries are different. It's the example you witness as a child. No one on purpose marries someone abusive, mostly its that they haven't recognised it as abuse or excused it away in their own head. You're less likely to recognise abusive behaviour and move abruptly away from that person if you've grown up with it.
People who have very clear high boundaries know that they would not tolerate someone belittling them, so the first time it happens, that person is gone. The person who is has weaker boundaries will write more things off, be more likely to offer second chances, give excuses for the behaviour. So they are more likely to end up in an abusive relationship because the person with the high boundaries walked away at the first instance.
I think, if you're in a relationship you think might be abusive, the things it could be better to consider might be more along the lines of: what are your personal boundaries? What is and isn't ok to be done to you or under your roof? What would you want your children to see you taking action over because it is unacceptable? What example do you want to set for them to learn is just not acceptable to have done to them? Rather than trying to think of the reason the person who might be abusing you and/or your children might be that way.
To not end up in an abusive relationship by accident, you need to be clear on what is and isn't ok with you. It doesn't matter why the person who has crossed your boundary has crossed it, it just matters that its unacceptable to you. Then you need to take action. Boundaries only work if there are actions/consequences. It's extremely hard to do all this if you've grown up in a household where abuse was tolerated, you're on the back foot, your instinct is to give another chance and make an excuse for it, whereas someone else's would be to run in the opposite direction.