To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

[LadyGreyjoy]

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

self catering trips with multiple children age 3+ can be very challenging. not everyone is able to afford this type of trip. Most of my kids childhoods was spent in a caravan park where I did cooking and cleaning. I have fond memories now we no longer do that kind of trip but at the time it was hard work

glad you are in a lucky position?

You have a child you can put your bed and then go sit on the balcony. That isn’t true for everyone with an 18 month old on holiday. The only way ours was going to bed was to go to bed with her.

I'm with you OP. The "same shit different location" was never my experience. The different location is the point. We don't get to do quite as much on our holidays as they used to because we can't reasonably make the DC walk so far or prioritise another museum over some extra pool time.

So there's compromise but it's still a holiday with all the excitement that brings.

For rather a lot of parents it is a case of same shit, different pot.

Come back when you have a 4 year old

Different people have different experiences, @LadyGreyjoy.

taking an 18 month old on holiday isn't comparable to taking 3 or 4 siblings 😅

I’m with you, op. I think the key is that you have to adjust your expectations- if your idea of a holiday is drinking margaritas by the pool all day or clubbing or reading on the beach for hours then obviously some things will have to change. It’s a different sort of holiday.

Same shit different place and not worth doing aren't synonymous. The first can be true without the second being.

I think some people just don't enjoy parenting. That isn't their fault - nobody really knows how they're going to feel about it until they find themselves in that position. And if you don't like parenting, then you're not going to enjoy it any more in a different country, I suppose.

I was fortunate enough to find that I loved being a mum, and having time with our dd on holiday was nothing but a pleasure, but I get that it's a grind for some people, wish is a shame. Hopefully, some will find it more enjoyable as their dc get older.

I absolutely love holidays with my kids too but I never took them abroad until they were over 3 and a large age gap meant I only ever had one pre school age at a time which was much easier. Of course they weren’t perfect but on the whole the balance was much more positive than negative.

If I had more kids closer in age I doubt I would have enjoyed it much.

people usually say it about self catering

I really don’t think you’re comparing like with like OP… I think lots wouldn’t mind a fairly nice all inclusive with one well behaved 18mo… as others have said, come back to us when you’re on a budget self catering break (because that’s all you can afford) with an 18mo plus a 4yo who won’t eat anything except plain pasta, and you’re trying to deal with tantrums, laundry and cooking, you and your partner need to split off to deal with different kids all day…

I think its varies widely on your kids, whether there is neurodivergence in play, what ages they are, the type of holiday you can afford and the type of parent you are. For us, I've enjoyed every single holiday we have been on, which have included self catering cottages/caravans/glamping, catered villas, beachy weeks (usually staying in a cottage or house rental) and Orlando Disney/Universal trips. We've never done an all inclusive hotel as i hate the thought of all being in one room but I understand why that would work for some. Although we have done alot of self catering we keep things simple and eat out alot (but that required financial privilege). Makes a big difference that my DH does an equal share of all parenting, cooking etc and we give each other alone time / time off parenting during holidays. He will usually go for a run, I will usually read a book by the pool / on the beach in peace

You work very long hours op

no wonder you enjoyed so much!

Why do some people complain about the most mundane things in life?

You’re a parent wherever you go, on holiday or not. Who actually expects it to be different? If you don’t enjoy it, don’t go, and if you don’t want to be a parent, don’t be one. Holidays with small children aren’t always relaxing - that’s not news.

Well it rather depends upon the circumstances, no? If you're self-catering in an apartment or villa rather than a hotel then you do still have to do cleaning, a certain amount of shopping, cooking etc. Assuming you have more than one child they'll still bicker on holiday as they do at home. Not everyone gets to just put their child to bed and then go and relax. With some kids you're losing your evening/sleep trying to get them to go to bed and sleep in an unfamiliar place instead of at home. Not all kids deal well with the interruption to their routine and familiar surroundings, which can make parenting them on holiday more difficult than at home. Do I need to go on? It's great that you found it all so easy but maybe, just maybe not everyone has the same experience? I mean why would they lie?

The other problem I've only really noticed from being on Mumsnet is that a holiday can throw into relief how fucking useless and unhelpful some of the fathers can be. The daily routine of work and activities can hide it well, but then you go on holiday and are together a lot more and the fathers are expected to actually join in with the parenting, and it turns out a lot can't/don't/won't. I can see how annoying that would be.

Loved taking my kid places when she was 18months old and under - it is not easy with a 3/4 year old - especially as people say when you go self catering. Every kid is different but ours gets so excited she won’t go to bed easily for the first few nights and just runs up and down hyper until about 11pm. Then she is cranky in the day and having tantrums over tiny things - she also wants all of the treats all of the time and won’t accept no for an answer.

After the first 4 days it’s usually lovely but you still don’t get to swim alone or read a book - it’s constant running up and down the beach, jumping in the waves and going to playgrounds - lovely but not relaxing. We tend to go for 10 days so we can get around a week after she has calmed down.

If we had a calm kid, went all inclusive and had kids club it would be a real break!

Some people resent having children, and if they can't have the same holidays than before, they moan. There's also a certain category of people who must have a routine to the minute, want to put their kids to bed at 4 in the afternoon (and then complain the kids are up at 5am 😂)

I find time on holidays much easier with children, from pretty much birth

Yes, it takes work, but it's so much more interesting and they are easier to entertain, it's new, it's a discovery, you are having a better time. In the best circumstances, you even have a partner and that's 2 adults instead of one.

Who cares if the routine changes a bit? Go with the flow.

That said, holidays are not mandatory, so when people hate them, they can stay home, so its not an issue.

A lot of people seem to hate parenting, OP, and much prefer staying home to work to going on holiday where they have to be wit their children more. You enjoyed it because you enjoy your child.. And I'm glad you did! You'll have lots of lovely holidays

Good for you. I found holidays with tinies horrendous!

I absolutely refuse to do self-catering holidays (unless that means we eat out in restaurants 2-3 times a day), and I agree I have not found an issue with holidaying with small kids.

I find the biggest killer of my enjoyment is having to plan, buy, make, serve, wash up etc meals multiple times a day - plus washing up. I hate it.

Being in a hotel and all inclusive make it very different - to a lot of people on here holiday means self catering which is, IMO, not a holiday as you are just relocating to do the same housework/cooking etc. Kids or not doesn’t really come into it for me although I am a much better parent when someone else is doing all the cooking and cleaning 🤣

An all inclusive with a good sleeping 18 month year old would be an absolute joy.

Some of the people complaining may not have the space and ease of that on holiday.

I think it varies. My children were both at the top end of the energetic sphere and so were particularly tiring. My daughter was borderline hyperactive and couldn’t sit still so going on holiday and having her not be able to sit on a plane and then not being able to relax at all as we’d have to be out and about constantly just put us off and we didn’t start travelling until she was 5 or 6. Contrast of my nephew who is so chill and easy going and frankly the world’s most relaxed toddler. My sibling took him away from about a Year old and he’s been a dream to travel with. It really is child demeaned which dictates how easy it is to travel- how well they adapt to time differences and different foods etc. how easy it is to break normal routine as well.