To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

[LadyGreyjoy]

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

When will you next get to go on holiday?

I think you're right OP. Holidays with DS6 have always been a joy. He's not a very easy kid and is on the assessment pathway for ASD and ADHD, but the break from reality and the easy-access fun/exercise has always been a welcome break from reality. DS sleeps better and we all enjoy the sun, nice food and change of scenery.

We have stayed self-catering but now opt to stay in the cheapest serviced apartment (I hate sweeping sand off the floor on holiday) we can find, eat dinner out and lunch from bakeries etc. I recognise not everyone can afford this and I would probably feel very differently about a self catering caravan somewhere cold.

We like to be busy though. If you liked to stay in a resort and do nothing but read and drink cocktails on holiday I can see why chasing kids all day might not be a welcome change. We are often wistful about the lie-ins, exploring and boozing of child free holidays.

I have just had a second DS though so maybe I will change my mind..

OP I have not seen the deleted comments but presumably they broke guidelines in terms of manner or content. Why not ignore them? That’s what I would do to make the comments stop. You are probably encouraging posts by your responses. Just a thought it you want to get the discussion back on track?

Op's comments have been worse, calling other posters names.

I'm really amazed by the deletions. OPs comments have been awful and she's come across terribly.

Lol. Calling posters exactly what they are is not worse than multiple nasty posters ganging together and making snide comments about every aspect of my life.

Your comments have been despicable and yet you claim the high ground.

Every single comment on this thread by that poster has been deleted at the same time which tells me she's been banned for being a bully.

Good riddance!

Anybody who has ever been on the wrong side of a pile-on on Mumsnet knows how difficult it is to ignore. However if I were you I would just hide the thread and slip away. That's not because I disagree with you even though I do. It's because it cannot possibly be making you feel nice at all and it's just not necessary is it. It is adding nothing good to your life just making you feel horrible for literally no reason other than maybe proving yourself right. Which you never can on here even if you are - and even if you were what does it matter???

I wouldn’t say the OP has been worse. There have been a lot of patronising comments about the OP’s life, showing faux sympathy which she wasn’t looking for. I would say that she’s made the mistake that a lot of OPs make, getting drawn into arguments rather than just ignoring them and engaging with the many more measured comments on this thread.

But, as I said before, this is what you expect on AIBU, it very easily becomes a bear pit, which is why I don’t start many threads.

Thanks for your concern, it comes across as genuinely warm and kind hearted.

The comments actually aren't making me feel horrible or upsetting me, because they are completely wrong. They don't mean anything to me because they are completely inaccurate and do nothing but make the posters look ignorant. I feel so lucky to have my life with my family and animals in our quiet but of country side that no amount of derision could make me sad about it.

I do admit, since they dug their teeth in I'm enjoying winding them up and wasting their time. I hate bullies and there are many of them on Mumsnet. It upsets me seeing other posters get bullied and then just disappearing, clearly upset and chased away from their own thread. I enjoy sticking it to a bully by laughing at them and wasting their time because it makes them really angry not to get their own way.

You need another holiday after how angry and stressed you appear to have got on this thread to posters disagreeing with you or simply expressing pity about what sounds like a very difficult journey to becoming a mother, and no holiday for 5 years and seemingly very little time with your husband

What is “wrong” and “inaccurate”

You had a very difficult time with IVF and then went down the egg donor route. Which must have been utterly draining.

You work long hours 4x a week and then one your days off, your husband works.

This 1 week holiday was your first in 5 years

Is any of the above wrong?

Oh another one 🙄

You're two days late for the pile on love. It's over now ended with a well deserved ban and everyone else getting the message.

MN clearly saw the bullying or they wouldn't have banned her.

NEXT!

Banned? Don’t you mean deleted?

You interpret pity as bullying

How is disagreeing with you and your quite outrageous comments bullying. Actually deliberatly goading is not the type of behaviour MN accept on threads.

I can’t see any bullying. Just disagreeing or pitying.

and I can’t see you . I enjoy sticking it to a bully just getting angry and defensive

You’ve encouraged it and have deliberately posted provocative and goady posts .

No, banned. Every comment they have made on this thread has been deleted. That means they've been banned.

Confirmed by the fact they haven't been back since that happened.

is it another 5 year wait for your next holiday?

Let's hope not, Lord only knows how stressed she'll get

I don't understand why my previous comment was deleted? I commented on the banned poster?!

Wow - came back to the thread and it seems to have got a little heated. I’m not trying to get involved in a pile on, I don’t think posters should bring personal insults into it.

I admit though I’m finding it a little frustrating that the OP is still missing the point that the premise in her original post is wrong.

(At least on Mumsnet anyway, if the OP has people in her real life who are making this complaint differently then fair enough)

The vast majority of people on MN who have a specific moan about a holiday with kids being just parenting in a different location, is because their experience on that holiday gave them no relief from all the normal parts of life - they were still shopping for food, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes and towels, tidying up after multiple family members etc, cleaning bathrooms.

OP - you had a an actual holiday because as you said yourself - someone else was making the bed, cooking your food, cleaning up after cooking your food, presumably cleaning your room and bathroom each day, replacing your towels.

In addition you have a supportive spouse, an easy baby who goes to sleep at a reasonable hour so that you could have lovely grown up time with your spouse.

It sounds absolutely lovely - there’s no post on Mumsnet of someone having your holiday experience and complaining about it being just parenting in a different location.

So where are all these scaremongering posts?

People on your thread have talked about different challenges they have faced but everyone has mostly said it was still worth it over the course of many holidays - some being great, some being absolute horrors for reasons beyond their control and everything in between.

I do know I have read the occasional post on MN where posters are in despair about their holiday and wish they’d not bothered but all those posts involve something bad happening for the poster.

I can’t believe the Op has been described as privileged and “stealth boasting”

This was a 1 week holiday and she hadn’t been on holiday for 5 years!!