Partners daughter and her mother a nightmare

[Itsmebee]

It’s a long one…

partner had a child when he was 15. He had nothing to do with the child or mother but through the years when he got with me they always tried to cause trouble. He tried to have a relationship but her side of the family hated it so he left it. Been in contact on and off since she was 15 and it’s been nothing but a nightmare( she’s 20 ) They don’t want anything to do with our children at all. They constantly cause trouble and think money grows on trees. I’ve supported oh all the way through but I’m always to blame if it doesn’t go right. Fast forward and she’s had a child. After years of abuse and threats we are starting to have a relationship. Again they hate our other children dont want to know them. Keep pushing ideas on expensive days out with grandchild. Phone calls consist of mother and daughter bringing up the past and trying to cause problems, or try to make out I’m the best person ever. They record everything use stuff against us and I’m so done with it all. I pay for everything and I’m fed up. I go and get involved but I don’t feel like they really want me there. They would be happy for other half to go alone. This happened in the past but he ended up cheating with her mother. Should I shrug it all off and just be happy with the situation or not. We have been together for a very long time and this has always been a problem.

You have two choices. Stay and continue to be a mug. Leave and take back control of your own life. There is no third option. What are you wanting from this thread?

He sent full child support every month from the age of 15? I don't believe you. I think the 16 year old mother's parents (and/or the state) probably paid for a hell of a lot, since they were both children and I'm assuming not working.

Why are you defending the person who cheated on you with a woman you say abuses you and stopped him seeing his child?

But by your admission you pay for quite a lot for a child that isn't your responsibility. He cheated on you with his ex, the same woman who's child you have been paying for. Why do you need people to tell you to leave this man when it's so obvious? And of course you should stop paying for the child. If a man wanted to see his kids he would move heaven and Earth.

This excuse of a "toxic BM" is a boring old excuse told since the sands of time from lazy shit "dads". I would never date a man who doesn't have custody of his kids or at least try to get custody. There's citizens advice, legal help for those earning a certain wage, and he has had YEARS to do something. You have a terrible partner problem. Not his ex and child.

I once dated a man and found out he had kids he wasn't trying to get custody of and hadn't seen for years, and he claimed the same "toxic ex" story. Binned him off so fast. Don't need that kind of drama in my life. Surprised you've put up with it so long. I hope you listen to these people and actually leave, although I don't know if you really will so not sure what else you are expecting from us.

He paid from when she was born what he had then he got a good career and paid out of that. I’m not asking for sympathy as yes he is in the wrong with what he’s done and let happen. Both of us have tried to sort it out. I think he just thinks let’s just get on with it and have peace.

So why are you the one paying for everything now? Why isn’t he paying?

He's a lowlife.
Your poor children, what a background to be born into.
Leave this useless waster and the jeremy kyle lifestyle.

Why are you allowing them all, including your partner, to walk all over you? Stand up for yourself and your children and cut all contact with them. If your partner wants to go and meet up with his daughter, let him. Although I think you're a fool for forgiving his cheating - but you have so presumably you feel you can trust him! Just take yourself out of the equation and let them all get on with it. Block them and concentrate on your own life and your own children.

OP you are going around in circles trying to understand the behavior of his DD and his Ex to distract yourself from a difficult truth, your DP is a cheating, lying arsehole that abandoned his child for years and now you can't end this relationship as you fear he can and just might abandon your shared children too. You need to do the difficult thing here and end the relationship. It won't be the other woman "winning", it will you be you freeing yourself and your DC from a messed up dynamic and showing them you all deserve better than the chaos you are currently living in.

Would your family be in a position to support you and your DC to get away from this mess?

More fool you…

he ended up cheating with her mother

You have a husband problem. He had an affair.

Get rid of him and the ex and the DD problems go away. Plus your adulterous husband.

What in the Jeremy Kyle is going on here? I thought half term was done now.

That poor daughter. Honestly op leave this situation. It's too complicated. Sounds like your partner isn't a nice man. Protect yourself and your children

This feels like a 'shes trying to steal my trash' moment.

Just bin him, hes bin juice of a man (cheating deadbeat... what a prize) and if she wants to dumpster dive let her fish him out but for god sake why do this to yourself.

Walk away from the whole thing.
Get on with your own life.
Enjoy it 👍

I sometimes feel I've accidentally taken hallucinogenic pills when reading some MN threads. Still none the wiser what's going on but assume LTB applies?

Your partner is the nightmare.

So you're going to leave him, yes?

If he’s got a good career then why are you paying for any of this?

Where’s Jeremy Kyle when you need him 😂😂

You knowingly partnered with a man who abandoned his child. Yes, if he didn’t go to court and force the issue, he abandoned the child.

You forgave the cheating. That is your prerogative.

You chose to live in this soap opera. What exactly are you hoping for here? Do you want sympathy or to be told to leave? Are you hoping we will gang up on a young woman whose parent’s failed her?

This sounds like something from the Jeremy Kyle show. Get away from him OP!

So he's the classic prince among men who abandoned his child, dips in and out of her life, sleeps with her mum(it won't be once op) and YOU are paying for the privilege? Does he not work? (Stupid question). They are all taking you for a mug. Run fast and run far.

Did you really just slip in there that he cheated with the daughters mother?

You all sound as mad as a barrel load of frogs.

Leave them all behind and take control of your own and your kids' lives.

Do not bring any more children into this shit show.