Partners daughter and her mother a nightmare

[Itsmebee]

It’s a long one…

partner had a child when he was 15. He had nothing to do with the child or mother but through the years when he got with me they always tried to cause trouble. He tried to have a relationship but her side of the family hated it so he left it. Been in contact on and off since she was 15 and it’s been nothing but a nightmare( she’s 20 ) They don’t want anything to do with our children at all. They constantly cause trouble and think money grows on trees. I’ve supported oh all the way through but I’m always to blame if it doesn’t go right. Fast forward and she’s had a child. After years of abuse and threats we are starting to have a relationship. Again they hate our other children dont want to know them. Keep pushing ideas on expensive days out with grandchild. Phone calls consist of mother and daughter bringing up the past and trying to cause problems, or try to make out I’m the best person ever. They record everything use stuff against us and I’m so done with it all. I pay for everything and I’m fed up. I go and get involved but I don’t feel like they really want me there. They would be happy for other half to go alone. This happened in the past but he ended up cheating with her mother. Should I shrug it all off and just be happy with the situation or not. We have been together for a very long time and this has always been a problem.

It's the prank calls, cheating then sweeping under the carpet, he said she said, no deeper thinking. If everyone had babies as teens they're probably all traumatically stuck developmentally m everyone needs counselling here

Yes I was a teenager too and from a very loving well to do back ground and when I got with him he mentioned it but that was it. When I got pregnant with my first at 22 they started coming to the house shouting abuse etc. it was very weird. Partner has no family as was in care.

I pay for trips out with said grandchild birthdays and Christmas and also for step daughter.

Then stop. Why doesn't your partner pay?

Even after everything they have done to me.

You're very generous but you need to get angry with your partner too.

They still happened till about a year ago. Constant abuse from mother and daughter as they where very jealous of the life I give my children.

Well more fool you then!!!

Not really sure what else there is to say.

He had nothing to do with the child or mother

You guys have only been in contact for 5 years off and on, since she was 15, and you're blaming them because they developed issues after your partner abandoned them?

Of course they don't want to see him raising your kids when he couldn't be bothered with his oldest. And yes, I get he was a teen but plenty of teen boys step up and parent their babies. They go to court of necessary and get custody time.

Put yourself in their shoes for a tiny bit of time. Think if he abandoned you and your children how you would feel seeing him raising yet more kids.

He fucked up big time and he can't fix it. He definitely can't fix his fuck up with his first by being present this time around. That's not how fixing things work. WTF do you expect? And you're here all oh, they're nightmares.

No fucking wonder.

Why are you supporting everyone, including your partner?

More fool you then. You're obviously willing to accept being treated like shit, so I'm not sure what you want people to suggest.

Why?

That’s what I’m asking am I right to say no I’m not paying £100 a time for trips twice a month.

I quite agree, but I think that that particular comment is insulting to the OP.

Throw that one away and look for a much better one than a user, a cheater and one with such dramatic baggage. You'd be better off alone, mentally and money wise.

Do you have some sort of saviour complex? Do you think this is going to get better?

Why? Why stay with your cheating, hopeless DP. You and your DC could have a great life away from all this toxicity. You have got used to it, and now your DC are too. It’s vile and will be causing them problems even if you think you’re protecting them.

Get out, and start living the life you and your DC deserve.

Just for the peace! Wtf!

You’d be right to say you’re leaving him and that you’re having nothing more to do with any of them. You won’t though.

What does your partner pay for?
Has he got a job?

You know this is rubbish, don't you? So he's a terrible father, a cheat, and a liar. Yep, can see why you're so desperate to stay with him.

You shouldn't be paying anything - if you don't want to. Its your money and not your child!

You are right to say no. Absolutely.

He was a kid himself when the daughter was born. If he wants a relationship with her he can do that without your involvement.
Cheating with his ex is a different story.

His ex and his daughter are not your problem.
Bin him off and send him.back to his toxic ex

You seem to want people to focus on how bad the mom and daughter are and say poor you. No one is going to do that when you have a very simple solution which has been pointed out numerous times. You all sound like idiots who shouldn’t be bringing innocent children into the world honestly. Take some responsibility and grow up.

I don't understand why you are paying for everything. Doesn't your partner work? How many children do you have with him?

You have said that he has cheated on you with his adult daughter's mum. When did this happen and why have you just accepted this?

Ditch the lot of them, including your partner and stop giving any of them any money. It sounds like an toxic shit-show.

Your partner had a child then “had nothing to do with the child or mother” for fifteen years, and for the five years he’s been in her life his contact with her has been “on and off”? I’m not surprised her family aren’t exactly his biggest fans.

There’s a good chance the daughter he abandoned has some very complicated feelings about the children he’s been being a dad to, while his choices meant she didn’t have one at all for fifteen years. That might explain why “they hate our other children don’t want to know them”.

They would be happy for other half to go alone. This happened in the past but he ended up cheating with her mother
He cheated on you, with the mother of the child he ignored for fifteen years, at the very first opportunity he got. What an absolute prince. She’s probably been “calling up friends and family and saying nasty things” because he fed her a bunch of lies. She’s been treated horribly by him, and you are being treated horribly too.

The mother and daughter aren’t the issue in this situation, he is.

No don’t want that at all. They are truly vile. I smile and be nice get them birthday and Christmas presents. Never talk bad of them at all. I’ve tried and they just throw abuse

Tried that and they just find my number or make a fake Facebook and bombard me with abuse it is not with out trying