Partners daughter and her mother a nightmare

[Itsmebee]

It’s a long one…

partner had a child when he was 15. He had nothing to do with the child or mother but through the years when he got with me they always tried to cause trouble. He tried to have a relationship but her side of the family hated it so he left it. Been in contact on and off since she was 15 and it’s been nothing but a nightmare( she’s 20 ) They don’t want anything to do with our children at all. They constantly cause trouble and think money grows on trees. I’ve supported oh all the way through but I’m always to blame if it doesn’t go right. Fast forward and she’s had a child. After years of abuse and threats we are starting to have a relationship. Again they hate our other children dont want to know them. Keep pushing ideas on expensive days out with grandchild. Phone calls consist of mother and daughter bringing up the past and trying to cause problems, or try to make out I’m the best person ever. They record everything use stuff against us and I’m so done with it all. I pay for everything and I’m fed up. I go and get involved but I don’t feel like they really want me there. They would be happy for other half to go alone. This happened in the past but he ended up cheating with her mother. Should I shrug it all off and just be happy with the situation or not. We have been together for a very long time and this has always been a problem.

What do you want people to say? You asked if you’d be right to stop paying… yes, of course you would. Then you tell us you can’t because they’ll give you abuse.
You have to make the decisions here. No one can solve this issue for you.

You could get all these people out of your and your kids life by binning off your ‘partner’ who 1. Did not try hard to be in his daughters life no matter what lies he tells you; 2. cheated on you with his ex; 3. Doesn’t support you when you are being abused them; 4. Lets you pay for this mess of his own making.

Are you a complete mug in every aspect of your life?

Ditch the lot of them including your deadbeat husband liar cheat.

The daughter he abandoned and the ex left to pick up the pieces aren't the problem here...

Ditch HIM and there is no reason for them to maintain contact with you.

Did he pay child support all those years or was he entirely an absent father?

You can say the mother kept him away all you like but if he wanted to be involved he would have found a way to show this.

It sounds very much like he's running between you and his ex girlfriend, saying, "Oh woe is me" and stirring up trouble by telling lies about each of you to the other, whilst secretly patting himself on the back that he's got two women fighting over him.

Threaten to go to the police and get a non-molestation order if they keep harassing you. Tell them that you are no longer with your partner so you have no responsibility, moral or otherwise, to have any sort of relationship with them. You have no financial responsibility for his adult daughter or her child.

What channel is this on please? I didn’t know Shameless was still running.

So? Keep blocking! Change your number. Delete bloody Facebook. If they harass you, call the police.

Your attitude seems very "well if I try to kick them out they'll only throw bricks through the window, so I might as well just let them in so they can trash the house directly"

The problem is not OH's DD or ex, it’s him.

Done this police did nothing as no threats to harm

Yes he paid for his child everything she needed

They treat you terribly, so you give them money/treat them to days out?? Of course you aren't going to get rid of them, they'll just keep coming back for more! Its up to you to break the cycle here OP, you owe them nothing, they aren't your problem, just say no.

The real problem you have is your DP, you can't change the past but you can change your future for you and your DC's. The whole scenario sounds like an soap opera storyline, imagine this was a friend of yours, what would you advise them to do?

Why are you not listening to anyone telling you to LEAVE YOUR USELESS BOYFRIEND?

How do these awful men do that - manage to get women fighting over them?

So he took it to court then? What happened?

That’s what I need to do as none of this is normal and that’s the problem it’s become the norm now.

Oh come on now 🤣

Yes he did he sent money and bought her things she needed new uniform for school and shoes paid school trips etc. bought her clothes etc just because he wasn’t aloud to see her he still paid his way.

Yes, and stop blaming the daughter and the ex.

Wish I could but after everything that’s happened I can’t

For the love of god stop saying they are vile and a really look at this car crash relationship. All you do is drone on about them being "vile" and Habe said nothing, abfutely nothing about your so called partner thinks , says, and is going to deal with the situation. What a circus

Nope. Your partner is the issue 100%.

Sounds like an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

Your husband wasn't on the birth certificate and his ex refused for him to take a DNA test? If he's been back in his daughter's life since the age of 15, has he been added to her birth certificate? Has your husband taken a DNA test? If he hasn't, and there were potentially several possible boys at the time, who could have been the Father, how does he actually know he is????!!! The ex may say he is, but if she'd been so sure he was, then she'd have agreed to a DNA test right at the beginning!! She'd have had no reason not to agree to the test. If your husband doesn't know if he is her Dad, then surely that is something he needs to be sure about?! You're paying out money for his daughter and granddaughter, and your husband may not be even biologically related!!! You shouldn't be funding days out for your husband, his daughter or granddaughter - that's his responsibility. Time to step back completely. As for the cheating, that's unforgivable - it was a choice he made, she didn't put a gun to his head and force him to have sex with her. It seems to me, that your husband has allowed the entire situation to drift on, taking no responsibility. He should have gone to Court many years ago, they'd have forced her to allow the DNA test, he could have been added to the birth certificate (if the DNA came back in his favour) and he could have had a contact arrangement.

OP your replies sound like you don't want any advice, only sympathy. Lots of posters on here are giving you solid feedback, block people that make you unhappy and if they persist speak to the police. But you don't want that, nor do you want to admit that your partner is part of the problem.

Ive no sympathy for someone that doesn't stick up for themselves.