To expect Sunday Dinner as the agreement?

[TipJarTroubadours]

Small details changed but the short of it is:

1. We allow people to stay in self contained accommodation for 'free'
2. The only 'cost' is attendance to Sunday dinner
3. Aibu to refuse to let someone stay (or charge them market rent) if they don't attend dinner

The long of it is

DH and I own a residential static caravan site. It has been in DH family a long time. It has great transport links to a major city.

We allow close family/friends to stay rent free whilst they attend uni in the city/start a new job. We have had 15 different people over the years, some for six months, the longest five years.

Currently house DS and nephew who are both at uni and DHs best friends daughter and her partner who has just started an apprenticeship. All four attend Sunday dinner, as have the 15 beforehand.

(For those that are interested, I cook the meal and then they take turns to make/buy a pudding and wash up (most goes in the dishwasher) I have had one with severe allergies who used to bring their own food, and one that was fussy so I used to make them beans on toast every Sunday. )

My sister's son has been living with us since September, I was very clear on the rules- it might seem odd but for a 10k saving a year I expect attendance at one meal a week.- they both knew about this.
Since starting he has attended one, preferring to go to the pub/gym/game on a Sunday. It has been raised with him and we have said if he doesn't attend then we will charge him rent (we have other uni students renting although they are all mature)

I have gone to my parents for half term and have just met my sister and told her the same. My parents and her think I am completely unreasonable to ask him to attend Sunday dinner, I think they are completely unreasonable to expect me to house him for free after agreeing to my rules ( there are costs involved for me, utilities etc plus not being able to rent it out)

I've said he has to attend tomorrow or I will bill them from now until Christmas and if it isn't paid will evict at Christmas.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my nephew to do what he agreed to in return for accommodation? (I don't think I am, even if expecting to attend dinner is unreasonable, he has agreed to the terms, he could have just rented halls)

Wtf, it’s not unusual ? 👀👀👀

I've got a feeling that if the poster attended and didn't praise the parsnips enough, they'll be buried under the patio.

There is definitely a channel 5 drama in this somewhere.

The Sunday dinners are the meal from Get Out

It’s a drama just waiting to be made. Tales of the Unexpected or Brian Clemens’ Thriller for those old enough to remember. Used to frighten the life out of me as a kid.

Her nephew freely entered into the agreement. He did not have to go and live with her, there are other universities.

You might think the agreement was unreasonable but hopefully if someone made you that offer you would refuse it because you were not prepared to commit to a weekly family dinner. The nephew accepted.

People posting think the OP is unreasonable. People voting don't. 49/51 in OP's favour.

I could put up with quite a bit for expense free living to be honest.

Definitely!! 🤣

Possibly OPs equally weird husband maybe…

Thing is it’s not just family, she offers this to other young people and forces them to sit with her on a Sunday night, even if they don’t eat, then wash her dishes. That’s what she does. And someone just wrote it’s not unusual!

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP but I don't think this ultimatum is the way to go.

Fundamentally the emotional trigger for your rule is that you don't mind providing free accommodation to someone who values their relationship with you, and your Sunday gatherings are an expression of that relationship. If your nephew has no interest in spending time with you or participating in family life then it's ok to say that he therefore doesn't get the perk of rent free accommodation. What's not ok is this weird ultimatum because him coming along under threat of eviction isn't going to create a relationship that you both value. He doesn't want to be there. He needs to find somewhere else to live or start paying rent.

Those saying forcing your family members to ‘learn’ family values are really missing the point. You can’t FORCE family traditions/values on people with blackmail. You will create the reverse effect. They will be desperate to escape.

I was thinking this too tbh.

He’s in caravan Number 9 isn’t he?

OP knows that, and that's why she does it, because it's all a power play.

A gift with strings attached is no gift at all.

No, it's not the same because the expectation is fucking weird.

What if the 'cost' of the accommodation was that they'd have to sing Edelweiss once a week to a group of no less than 6 people? Or sit in a bath of cold baked beans for at least 30 minutes a week? You wouldn't say that the only AIBU is whether they stick to their agreement or not because in this instance context matters.

It's controlling and I can't believe you'd be happy to 'host' (if you can call it that?) friends and family at a dinner every week knowing they don't really want to be there.

Some of us don't need to be hit over the head with an anvil to understand the nuances of a situation.

What do you think is more likely: That the OP is a weird cultist who gets off on forcing young people to sit at her dreaded Sunday table, or that OP who has benefitted from the largess of her elders, and understands the value of family ties, is hoping her nephew will find value in a weekly gathering with the extended family?

People don't form ties by mowing the lawn on a Tuesday morning. Dining together, breaking bread, contributing to the communal preparation of a meal (and cleanup) and well-established as contributing to societal and familial ties. Please stop behaving as though the OP is crazy to want to establish a weekly family meal.

Here is just a small sampling of scholarly and scientifc research that supports the benefits:

https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-16-social-eating-connects-communities

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6979515/

https://www.worldhappiness.report/ed/2025/sharing-meals-with-others-how-sharing-meals-supports-happiness-and-social-connections/

https://www.foodunfolded.com/article/eating-together-the-simple-habit-that-boosts-wellbeing

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/04/is-dining-with-others-a-sign-of-happiness-world-happiness-report/

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/04/is-dining-with-others-a-sign-of-happiness-world-happiness-report/

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/04/is-dining-with-others-a-sign-of-happiness-world-happiness-report/

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/04/is-dining-with-others-a-sign-of-happiness-world-happiness-report/

We don't all hole up scrolling with takeaways.

I don’t think anyone in their right mind would assume this was a rule that if broken then they’d be evicted and it 3as forced, who in their right mind would actually think that. And given her mother and sisters reaction it is clear they also didn’t know if he didn’t go and sit with her , him and the other poor sods she evicts and then charges, it can’t be they are all wrong and the op was clear.

This is such an adult and well rounded way to approach it. I kind of wish I’d written it instead of being weirded out. You’re being quite kind…

IT HAS NO PLACE HERE!!

mods….have this person removed

Do you keep in touch frequently with the previous 15 contractually obliged dinner attendees?

The threat of eviction is only if he decides not to come to the dinners AND then doesn't pay the rent OP bills him for. It's not dinner or eviction.

I don’t think you’re weird OP - it’s basically like saying “this is community living, it’s free but we all come together on a Sunday night each week, those are the community rules”. Absolutely nothing wrong with that and not at all anything like sexual exploitation (wtf that poster!).

Additionally, you’re giving free accommodation, the least these people can do is have dinner with you once a week, otherwise they are essentially saying they’re happy to use your goodwill for free accommodation but you’re not worthy of their company? If he was like, “gosh I’m so sorry, Sunday doesn’t work but can we do Wednesday eve” that would be different and I would expect you to maybe have some flexibility because he is your nephew.

Did you actually sit and google all that. On which of those articles does it say offer them something they need and then force them to come and sit with you and if you don’t threaten them,

?

It’s not THAT Unusual. If I was staying with a family member and they said happy for you to stay for as long as you want but we eat together on Sundays, it’s really important to us as we like a big family meal. I’d be like oh ok. A bit surprised. I wouldn’t be like wtf, you control freak I’d rather get a hotel

There’s definitely some strange collusion going on. Why would a complete stranger be advocating for OP so vociferously without there being some personal investment? Some of us have said it’s not unreasonable for nephew to be allocated some chores for the free rent but it is unreasonable to base the offer on an emotional level.

They are probably locked up in her basement.