Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find DDs in-laws level of wealth overwhelming at times

229 replies

Glowanna · 01/11/2025 15:24

My DD is in her 30s, she’s been married for 8 years, has two lovely little boys. When DD got married her in-laws gifted them the money for the house. This is in London and the house ended up buying was almost 2 million, no mortgage etc.
When her DHs younger brother got married they did the same for him and his wife. It’s always been very clear that if they divorce it gets split, the house was a gift to both etc. her in laws are lovely people.
Now her two little boys are enrolled in a private prep, her in-laws pay half the fees, DD and her DH pay the other half. Her in-laws also take all of them (her DHs brother, his wife and 2 children) on holiday every April, usually the Caribbean, always in business class etc. I can’t imagine it’s a cheap trip.

On the flip I’d say we are rather ordinary. We are now mortgage free but like most people spent many years paying it off. We state educated our children, they went to grammar for secondary. Right now in retirement we are fine, we take all the family to center parcs once a year but definitely couldn’t afford all inclusive at a fancy resort in the Caribbean for 10.

This week we went to visit DD for a little while. Her DHs brother and his wife invited us over for dinner one night, they live in this massive detached house in what I believe is a very nice part of London.

We just got home and I’m feeling really overwhelmed by it all? I understand that rich people will always exist and that as a result their children always benefit but I’ve never really been this close to crazy amounts of money before. Sometimes I feel like we just don’t compare well, that our center parcs holidays will be lost in the memories of April in the Caribbean for our grandsons.

AIBU to feel this way? Has anyone experienced similar? How did you handle it?
You’d think 8 years in I’d be used to it but I’m just not!

OP posts:
WhoGonnaCheckMeBoo · 03/11/2025 19:48

McSpoot · 02/11/2025 22:13

I don't understand why it's okay (at least it is okay for many people on this thread) to make negative comments and assumptions about what goes on during "fancy holidays". Just as possible to spend quality time bonding on those holidays as it is at CP. The OP's DD's in-laws seem lovely (see the bit about the house being equally gifted to both of them, for example), no need to assume the worst about their vacations. Not saying that the Caribbean vacations are better - they just aren't inherently going to build fewer memories than a CP vacation.

Ok, that’s a fair point, but I was just trying to reassure OP

Hollietree · 04/11/2025 06:53

Glowanna · 01/11/2025 15:34

What I find really difficult is DD complaining about her finances. Lately we had “we just can’t afford to go skiing this year” and “we could never send our boys to the same prep as DHs brothers kids it’s just too expensive”. It makes me think DD has forgotten where she came from!

Please bear in mind that many people will feel the same reading what you have said…….we live mortgage free in our home and can only afford to take all the grandkids to Center Parcs every year.

It’s all relative. Millions of grandparents live hand to mouth in this country, still paying never ending rent, can’t afford to even take their grandkids for a day out. Their kids are struggling to survive and their kids are relying on foodbanks, despite working full time.

People will always be richer and poorer than you. Try to think about all the things you are really fortunate to have - a paid off home, a family you are close to by the sounds of it. Would you really rather than your daughter had married a poor man and your grandkids were living hand to mouth? Remind yourself how lucky your kids and grandkids are.

Gair · 06/11/2025 03:16

FluffyBenji23 · 03/11/2025 10:09

My child won a scholarship to an exclusive fee paying school and through that I met some VERY wealthy parents. I became a single parent and they were all great to me. The problem was I simply couldn't keep up with their lifestyles. A meal out would be easily £100 plus each time (I didn't drink by the way) and weekends away more than £1,000 and this was 15 years ago! In the end the friendships were unsustainable because of this. Sad really.

I find that sad.

We are not mega rich, but were, and still are, better off than some friends of ours (low paid jobs, studying, much younger). We always choose activities/restaurants that are affordable for our friends. We also do things that are very cheap or free (including hosting at home). Spending time together is always the driving factor, not consumption in any form.

Gair · 06/11/2025 03:24

tellmesomethingtrue · 03/11/2025 01:09

Money absolutely can buy your health….!! Have you been living under a rock? Do you know how long nhs waiting lists are for anything…?

Money can buy you medical treatment. Money cannot buy you health if what you have is chronic/incureable.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread