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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I really do not like DH new look after having cosmetic surgery!

161 replies

cinnamontroll · 01/11/2025 13:01

I’ve been married to DH for 22 yrs. We have a pretty good marriage overall I think.
3 years ago he lost a significant amount of weight (215lbs) and he looks absolutely fantastic and is in great health now. He has been approved for skin removal surgery on the NHS but they are only doing chest and arms (which is fair I think) as it’s not considered cosmetic.
He wanted to also have an upper and lower blepharoplasty on his eyes. He said it bothered him and made him look older than he was. I said I understand and wanted him to feel better about himself as he’s worked tremendously hard living a ketogenic lifestyle and I’m proud of him for this.

Last month he went abroad to have the procedure done and now it’s about 4 weeks later I have to say I hate the way it’s changed his whole eye look! He looks like he’s always staring so intensely now and it stresses me out as they just are not the same eyes I’ve loved since we were 20yrs old. The surgery itself was done perfectly and the lower blepharoplasty does look good as he has no bags under eyes anymore but the eyelid just so startling to me now. I don’t say much about it as I know he’s happy with the results but it’s so hard to get used to him looking different!
I honestly do not know whether to ever say I don’t like it or not?

To give you an idea, Bradley Cooper has recently had this done to his eyes and he gives the same kind of wide eyed look now too. Many people are commenting on this I’ve seen online and fear people may be also thinking this about him or talking behind his back about it.

AIBU to raise my thoughts about it or should I keep my thoughts about his new look to myself?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 01/11/2025 13:03

I think it’s okay to say you are struggling to get used to it, but there’s no point saying you don’t like it, because he’s not going to be able to put it back.

Littlebobbin15 · 01/11/2025 13:03

I suggest you keep it to yourself, it’s done now so there’s no going back,

Itwouldbesonice · 01/11/2025 13:06

I understand what you mean but you will probably get used to it? I remember thinking that Tess Daly looked really odd as she had new teeth and a few tweaks. Now she looks normal to me! I also saw the pics of Bradley Cooper and thought his eyes looked really good although I would never be up for anything as drastic as that.

holachicatita · 01/11/2025 13:06

I'd keep it to myself OP. It's done now and I'm assuming can't be reversed. So what good would come of it, except to make him feel bad about himself? I think Bradley Cooper looks great, so maybe your hubby does too and it's just you getting used to it..

TheatricalLife · 01/11/2025 13:06

Littlebobbin15 · 01/11/2025 13:03

I suggest you keep it to yourself, it’s done now so there’s no going back,

I agree.
I assume he is happy with the results? They ARE still the eyes you fell in love with, attached to the person you love. You will get used to it.

Littletreefrog · 01/11/2025 13:07

He can't do anything about it so saying you don't like it would be cruel. If he actually asks you I think it's fair to say it's taking a little while to adjust as it's different to what you are used to.

CommanderTaggart · 01/11/2025 13:11

He can't change it now, so don’t say anything. Don’t spoil his self confidence.
All sorts of things can happen to loved ones that change their appearance. Illness, injury… you will get used to it.

Postitnoteme · 01/11/2025 13:11

I think keep it to yourself as he sounds like he is happy with it and I suspect over time, you’ll likely get used to it. That being said, it must be difficult and I think keeping it to yourself is the selfless thing to do.

shhblackbag · 01/11/2025 13:12

I just looked up Cooper. Don't blame you. You'll get used to it, and I wouldn't say anything. But I do understand.

DiscoBob · 01/11/2025 13:13

Wil it not calm down, and kind of fall into place a bit. Plus you'll get used to his appearance once you see it every day for a while.

I'd be concerned he might keep wanting loads of stuff done as it's addictive once you start changing your features. Like the other features don't match it. And you've been through surgery before so it doesn't feel unknown or scary.

Just reassure him he doesn't need any cosmetic surgery. But no point being really critical of what he's already done. I mean don't say you love it if you don't. But he might rush out getting something to correct it if you criticise it too heavily.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 01/11/2025 13:15

I agree there's no point mentioning it as it's done now. I like the idea of saying it's taking some getting used to.

People will definitely have noticed and are probably talking about it, but I doubt unkindly. They should realise it's related to the after effects of the weight loss and are probably more curious than anything.

freshlaundrysmell · 01/11/2025 13:18

Littlebobbin15 · 01/11/2025 13:03

I suggest you keep it to yourself, it’s done now so there’s no going back,

yeah, this. What is the point of telling him you don't like it?- he cant have the skin put back now can he 🤣

I am sure you'll get used to it.

jbm16 · 01/11/2025 13:19

What are you going to achieve by telling him, other than hurt his feelings? In my experience unless it's going to fundamentally change something there is little point, it's done now, you can't really change anything other than hope it calms down overtime.

JFDIYOLO · 01/11/2025 13:22

We all age.

You probably don't look like the younger version of you that he fell in love with.

Don't say you don't like it.

But do say how much you like how he is now and help him become satisfied and content in himself. You don't want him getting addicted to procedures and constantly having more and more stuff done til it starts to become grotesque.

henlake7 · 01/11/2025 13:23

Im surprised this bothers you TBH.
Either he was thinner when you met (in which case appearances cant matter that much!) or he now looks dramatically different anyways after losing 200Ibs so you'd have to get used to that anyways!

3hairspastfreckle · 01/11/2025 13:30

At 4 weeks there could still be some swelling to go down so things might look different again in another few weeks. Also you will get used to the change.

OriginalUsername2 · 01/11/2025 13:33

I get what you mean. The one time DP shaved his beard off, it felt like he’d been replaced by a brother or cousin. I kind of missed him even though he was there. Strange but true.

No good can come out of saying anything. I think you will come to a point where it’s okay.

Baninarama · 01/11/2025 13:36

Not much you can do BUT ageing is continuous and his eyes will look more like the old him as time goes on and gravity takes its course.

I agree that blepheroplasties seem so hard to get right. Kate Moss looked like Liberace when she had hers done - I wondered if they'd left enough skin for her to blink! Natalia Vodianova has ruined her unique look with hers, too.

EasternStandard · 01/11/2025 13:37

Ik what you mean about Bradley Cooper, there must be better outcomes than his, it doesn’t look the best.

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 01/11/2025 13:37

What would be the point in telling him?

AliceMaforethought · 01/11/2025 13:38

I would say that you weren't being unreasonable, except that people on here get terribly cross if anyone dares to say that a woman's plastic surgery makes her look weird, and I hate double standards, so I'm going to say that you should embrace it and hope you get used to it.

StrawberrySquash · 01/11/2025 13:38

I do have sympathy. I had a friend who lost a load of weight and I went to see him after not seeing him for a while and he just looked so odd. Because the person in front of me just didn't look like the person in my head. And he wasn't a partner where this stuff matters far more!

I think you will get used to it in time, so I'd tell yourself that. I don't think any good will come of telling him. After all we all change as we get older, but that's gradual. The suddenness is probably part of it.

Original poster
cinnamontroll · 01/11/2025 13:41

henlake7 · 01/11/2025 13:23

Im surprised this bothers you TBH.
Either he was thinner when you met (in which case appearances cant matter that much!) or he now looks dramatically different anyways after losing 200Ibs so you'd have to get used to that anyways!

He was a normal healthy weight when we met, he did spend about 10 yrs of our 22 very overweight, but like I said he took control of himself and completely changed his lifestyle as he had a bit of a health scare and it really shook him up. The weight loss was gradual obviously so it wasn’t exactly jarring to see him slim and fit again as it took over 2 yrs to achieve.

He hasn’t outright asked me “do you like it?” So I think I will just say it’s taking me time to get used to his new look if he does ask.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 01/11/2025 13:42

😲😲😲

Just googled bradley cooper!!

I couldnt articulate what exactly is different about his face but I wouldn't even recognise bradley cooper as himself if I walked pasted him in the street!!!

Re your DH
Yanbu but he cant really "undo" it so I am not sure theres much point saying anything. Maybe buy him a few pairs of sunglasses for christmas / his birthday 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

CoolFineDoneWicked · 01/11/2025 13:44

Nothing you can do about it, but I know why you’re upset - I think the upper bleph surgery always makes people look a bit uncanny. I hate it when actors do it because it removes a bit of their personality and expression, they look a bit alien, or AI. Face and neck lifts are fine, but messing around with eyes just changes a person’s look massively. They are the main source of facial expression after all.