I really do not like DH new look after having cosmetic surgery!

[cinnamontroll]

I’ve been married to DH for 22 yrs. We have a pretty good marriage overall I think.
3 years ago he lost a significant amount of weight (215lbs) and he looks absolutely fantastic and is in great health now. He has been approved for skin removal surgery on the NHS but they are only doing chest and arms (which is fair I think) as it’s not considered cosmetic.
He wanted to also have an upper and lower blepharoplasty on his eyes. He said it bothered him and made him look older than he was. I said I understand and wanted him to feel better about himself as he’s worked tremendously hard living a ketogenic lifestyle and I’m proud of him for this.

Last month he went abroad to have the procedure done and now it’s about 4 weeks later I have to say I hate the way it’s changed his whole eye look! He looks like he’s always staring so intensely now and it stresses me out as they just are not the same eyes I’ve loved since we were 20yrs old. The surgery itself was done perfectly and the lower blepharoplasty does look good as he has no bags under eyes anymore but the eyelid just so startling to me now. I don’t say much about it as I know he’s happy with the results but it’s so hard to get used to him looking different!
I honestly do not know whether to ever say I don’t like it or not?

To give you an idea, Bradley Cooper has recently had this done to his eyes and he gives the same kind of wide eyed look now too. Many people are commenting on this I’ve seen online and fear people may be also thinking this about him or talking behind his back about it.

AIBU to raise my thoughts about it or should I keep my thoughts about his new look to myself?

So you think everyone who has cosmetic surgery is mentally unwell?

That's quite offensive if so.

I think that having cosmetic surgery (to make ones basically normal self look better) suggests a willingness to take the risks of surgery in order to improve ones own mind (ie change your self image) or to change how others perceive you (because you care how they perceive you) could be regarded as demonstrative of poor mental health by definition.

I think having the confidence to not care how you look is clearly a sign of good mental health.

How is this even a question?

I think having cosmetic surgery to hide or eliminate a big defect (eg skin graft to hide a massive facial scar) is normal and not a sign of mental illness.

I think having cosmetic surgery when in a relationship and you have no idea how that is going to change your partners perception of you is nuts (and if your partner wants you to get bigger breasts or blow job lips then that's damn good reason to surgically remove yourself from the relationship).

Is it an improvement if it harms or risks ending your relationship?

Is it an improvement if it harms or risks ending your relationship?

I wouldn’t be able to keep my opinion secret. He was vain and stupid, and now he’s paying the price. I despise cosmetic surgery that’s done to try and turn back the clock. It’s fair enough if you have a specific feature that markedly differs from accepted norms and you find it distressing to live with (bat ears, massive/tiny breasts, huge nose etc). But I think it’s rather sad and pathetic when people whose features are perfectly fine, but ageing naturally, have expensive and risky surgery. You can’t turn back time, and a 50 year old who’s had surgery looks like a 50 year old who’s had surgery, not a 30 year old.

OP can I suggest you think about how you would feel if you had the cosmentic surgery and he had a problem with it? If it was me I'd not even say i was struggling to get used to it, I suspect he's feeling a bit fragile about it.

That's for the individual to decide - it should be absolutely nothing to do with the law or anyone else.

I do think cosmetic surgery is being so normalised by social media that “upper bleph” & “deep plane facelift” will become part & parcel of ordinary ageing for our younger generations if we’re not careful.

Not to mention that when women with massive breasts have breast reduction surgery it is normally for genuine health reasons (eg reduce back problems) not for cosmetic reasons.

I think we should celebrate natural confidence and the PP who thinks it's good that people have the confidence to make themselves look better with surgery now is some sort of a good thing - utterly nuts.

I'm in a relationship, but if I was dating I think admitting to having had cosmetic surgery, saying you want it or having (for example) a face that really looks like it has had surgery would all be deal breakers. (And you can add tattoos to that list to).

Everyone has begun to look like AI and all exactly the same. Lovely individuality is disappearing.

that's interesting, I have just had an upper bleph but because the skin was obscuring my eyesight. I can't imagine having it done if I didn't have loads of loose skin, it must feel really tight.

I don't wear much make up at all though - I wonder if people think I look weird.

Do you think I should be able to have my spine cut if I decide I wish to become wheelchair-bound? If not way not.

Does he look permanently surprised?

Why not, if you're willing to pay for all the associated costs?

@Otterdrunk and yet we’re constantly told they can’t get on the housing ladder because it’s too expensive. But they pay thousands for unnecessary surgery, they pay someone else to paint their nails, they spend £8 on a fancy coffee if they’re out for more than 10 minutes, and they can’t survive with fewer than 500 TV channels!

Eye surgery is so obvious. It changes your looks.
Mel B. Gwyneth Paltrow. Now Bradley Cooper…

You’ll just have to think of it as new version of him.
Like we all eventually got used to the new Renee Z.

@TorroFerney a friend of mine that this done. Her upper eyelids were drooping so much it blocked her upper visual field. She had proper corrective surgery done. She still looked like herself and her age, but without such drooping eyelids. It was nothing like the crazy cosmetic stuff people seem to have.

Wrong thread sorry

Is a blepharoplasty what Simon Cowell has had done? I've always thought he looks a bit odd since then.

He’s had upper eyelid surgery, Simon has had a lot of work. Like a lot.

What a horrific thing to write. I mean I understand some people can’t take it if someone disagrees with them but this is so extreme.

yes, that's exactly the same. Making your nose a bit smaller, getting firmer boobs, reducing your wrinkles to look your age and not 10 or more years older, looking the best you possibly can- the way you die your hair, whiten your teeth, generally take care of yourself

It's absolutely the same as self-mutilation and becoming an invalid.

The only thing to say is you looked lovely before and you look lovely now, unconditional.
Surgery is the wrong answer to the question of low self worth.

And aargh, my upper eyelids are really affecting my vision now, I had just about talked myself into having the upper bleph, I have so much eye strain. Now this thread has blown that plan out of the water, because my problem is that I am too vain to have people know I have had it done. And I don't want to look different.

This doesn't make sense. Where do you draw the line between defect and normal variation? Especially in the case of something like ear pinning. Wherever you draw the line, you just push the next x percentiles of variation into the "defect" category. I had this conversation once with a doctor friend - there are/were some doctors who believe its acceptable to give the shortest boys growth hormones for 'social reasons'. They aren't short due to a health condition, they're just at the extreme end of height distribution. So say you push up the bottom two percentiles of 'normal' height. Now a new set of people are the shortest.

He shouldn’t do as it doesn’t lift the brow it just cuts out excess skin over the eyelid.