I really do not like DH new look after having cosmetic surgery!

[cinnamontroll]

I’ve been married to DH for 22 yrs. We have a pretty good marriage overall I think.
3 years ago he lost a significant amount of weight (215lbs) and he looks absolutely fantastic and is in great health now. He has been approved for skin removal surgery on the NHS but they are only doing chest and arms (which is fair I think) as it’s not considered cosmetic.
He wanted to also have an upper and lower blepharoplasty on his eyes. He said it bothered him and made him look older than he was. I said I understand and wanted him to feel better about himself as he’s worked tremendously hard living a ketogenic lifestyle and I’m proud of him for this.

Last month he went abroad to have the procedure done and now it’s about 4 weeks later I have to say I hate the way it’s changed his whole eye look! He looks like he’s always staring so intensely now and it stresses me out as they just are not the same eyes I’ve loved since we were 20yrs old. The surgery itself was done perfectly and the lower blepharoplasty does look good as he has no bags under eyes anymore but the eyelid just so startling to me now. I don’t say much about it as I know he’s happy with the results but it’s so hard to get used to him looking different!
I honestly do not know whether to ever say I don’t like it or not?

To give you an idea, Bradley Cooper has recently had this done to his eyes and he gives the same kind of wide eyed look now too. Many people are commenting on this I’ve seen online and fear people may be also thinking this about him or talking behind his back about it.

AIBU to raise my thoughts about it or should I keep my thoughts about his new look to myself?

Imagine being the partner of one of those celebrities who has everything done and is always changing their look eg Kardashians, Katie Price, Simon Cowell, Sharon Osborne and some are really extreme eg Mickey Rourke, Priscilla Presley.

I dunno, men think it's acceptable to comment on woman's bodies. We get criticized for being too fat too thin dressing, too, provocatively, or not dressing provocatively enough.

I'm not saying your husband has ever done that.But why should you keep it to yourself. They don't tend to hold back when it's something about our bodies.

Yes Kate Moss is the very same. She doesn't look like herself at all anymore.
She looks very starey.
I'm sure she regrets the eye surgery,

Yes Kate Moss is the very same. She doesn't look like herself at all anymore.
She looks very starey.
I'm sure she regrets the eye surgery.

Simon Cowell looks nothing like himself. So weird.

I also get what you mean, there is something not right with how Bradley looks now, and he was really good looking before. However I think it settles down and loosens off. So just give it time. Personally I’d reassure him it looked great.,even if not the truth, as any hesitation could impact him mentally and he can’t change it. So for me it would be about mental health rather than his appearance and me.

I've looked at before and after pictures of BC and can't see what you mean.
I think it would be cruel to tell him you don't like it. What would that achieve?
Does he tell you what he doesn't like about your appearance? Meaning things you can't change?
I think you will get used to it, and also his face will continue to change, like yours will too. Give it time.

Maybe it just needs time to settle? 😬

There’s no point in saying anything, especially seeing he feels good about it.

Only if there is life-long life insurance in place, registered with the NHS, so not one single penny of ax-payers money goes into pincking up the pieces.

Only if people are willing to lose their marriages over it.

But other than that, no. Mentally ill people deserve mental health support not being encouraged to mutilate themselves.

I know exactly what you mean re Bradley Cooper & find he looks off now.

It's a tough one, I would not like if my DH changed his face.

Bradley cooper is morphing into Barry Manilow, the hair is not right.

I don’t think you should tell him you don’t like it but it is ok to say you’re struggling with the change. My DH had a drastic change to his appearance and it took me months to get over it. I still loved him but it was jarring and it took me a long time to get used to the new look.

Look up Dr Subbio’s Instagram. He explains why men should never get an upper bleph.

I had jaw surgery to cure my sleep apnoea. It worked but I absolutely hate my face now. Not only do I look like a horse but it takes me ages to eat or even talking is an effort as my jaw feels so tight and prominent. I avoid photos and try not to look on the mirror and say a thank you everyday that my husband has never mentioned my face. I think I would be sent in despair if he did as I can't undo it. Please don't mention it to your husband.......

I looked at the photos of Bradley Cooper, the 'before' ones show a very handsome man with slight, really slight under eye bags.

There was no discernible improvement in his overall looks in the 'after' photo. Yes, the slight bags had gone but his eyes looked odd. And so did he.

I completely understand what you’re saying but it’s still quite recent and so they probably look more extreme now.

You’re also so used to his other face that it’s a shock.
You’ll get more used to it.

You must say you like it though.
I’m sure there are things about your body of things you wear that aren’t the best but he would never say, especially with things you can’t change.

When the actress Pam Ferris had it done, it took every bit of character and ...dare I say it, beauty out of her face and just made her look generic and almost AI.

As he ages, it might reverse a bit though OP.

bc looks awful was nothing wrong with his face

you cant really do much though you'll probably get used to ti as youre with him all the time

Wow, Bradley Cooper now looks like Charlie Sheen. Not good.

I don't know what to tell you OP, how long does it take for the area to become baggy again? I am guessing with aging it will happen again? IS he happy?

I’d feel similar - I think it’s underestimated how much it can change a person. I guess the worst would be if he started to feel the same & then develop more insecurities. And that he may want to “fix” other aspects of his appearance cosmetically. I mean a new row of too big & too white teeth in comparison to their usual tooth size & shape, often don’t look great on a lot of people but they themselves feel all the better for them. Maybe because with most things they happen naturally over time, this is one that you will get used to & hopefully may drop a little. I’d feel the same though OP. It’s hard when what you see about a LO’s appearance, as alright as it is & what they see, can be so different.

Keep it to yourself! He can't do anything about it.

Give yourself time to get used to it, it won't be instant, but I bet in a few months it will be him all over again.

You might even prefer him that way. We have the luxury of being able to improve our appearance, well done to everybody who makes that step, life is too short!

I had it done years ago and loved/love it. It does take about a year to settle down, and I think I was a bit starey at first but that changed in time. He will settle into his new eyes soon enough.

I hadn’t looked at Bradley cooper til I saw this thread - he was so handsome, now he looks so unbelievably bad. What a world eh, where a man as rich and handsome as he is STILL feels the need to mess with their face. Maybe to keep up with his 30 yr old gf (I did not know he was dating Gigi Hadid…)

OP I don’t blame you for being sad - as a pp said, maybe he’ll be like Renee Zellweiger and it’ll drop over time - she looked totally different a few years ago but now looks more like herself again. I hope so for your sake. It’s difficult and I can see why you’re put off. But well done on him for making positive health changes on the weight loss.

Wow. Rude.

I always think this look takes the friendly humour out of a man’s face. It’s like erasing a lifetime of laughs.