I really do not like DH new look after having cosmetic surgery!

[cinnamontroll]

I’ve been married to DH for 22 yrs. We have a pretty good marriage overall I think.
3 years ago he lost a significant amount of weight (215lbs) and he looks absolutely fantastic and is in great health now. He has been approved for skin removal surgery on the NHS but they are only doing chest and arms (which is fair I think) as it’s not considered cosmetic.
He wanted to also have an upper and lower blepharoplasty on his eyes. He said it bothered him and made him look older than he was. I said I understand and wanted him to feel better about himself as he’s worked tremendously hard living a ketogenic lifestyle and I’m proud of him for this.

Last month he went abroad to have the procedure done and now it’s about 4 weeks later I have to say I hate the way it’s changed his whole eye look! He looks like he’s always staring so intensely now and it stresses me out as they just are not the same eyes I’ve loved since we were 20yrs old. The surgery itself was done perfectly and the lower blepharoplasty does look good as he has no bags under eyes anymore but the eyelid just so startling to me now. I don’t say much about it as I know he’s happy with the results but it’s so hard to get used to him looking different!
I honestly do not know whether to ever say I don’t like it or not?

To give you an idea, Bradley Cooper has recently had this done to his eyes and he gives the same kind of wide eyed look now too. Many people are commenting on this I’ve seen online and fear people may be also thinking this about him or talking behind his back about it.

AIBU to raise my thoughts about it or should I keep my thoughts about his new look to myself?

I agree although also agree with pp there’s not much point in saying anything, he can’t change it.

I've had this procedure. I love it.

Looked up Bradley Cooper. Yikes. It reminds me of when Renee Zelwegger emerged looking unrecognisable some years ago. But her face settled back into her own face again at some point, and presumably your husband's will too.

God this is why people shouldn’t mess around with themselves. I don’t like the look of any celebrities post surgery. If it’s freaking you out that much it’s going to be difficult not to comment.

Of course you’re not unreasonable! I wouldn’t say anything though because it can’t be undone. I recently lost 10+ stone, it’s not my partners fault I let myself get so fat and now have so much loose skin just like it’s not your fault that your partner allowed that as well. But I would be hurt if he said it. Best to just keep it to yourself if you do want to stay in the marriage.

Uncanny is exactly it.

Oh, just looked up Bradley cooper. He looks almost like Cillian Murphy, his eyes look creepier. Agree not to say it but it’s a pity, people really don’t realise what they don’t like about themselves is what people find comforting

Upper blepharoplasties always look really weird on men. They shouldn't have them.
It's because they don't wear makeup. Im going for a full face lift in May but no way are they doing my upper eye lids.

In BC’s case I wouldn't say it’s an improvement!

Dont buy food anymore and be out friday when they are dropped off, get home late go to bed and shut bedroom door, get up saturday and go out for the day and go round friends and come home late and repeat sunday, keep your phone off all weekend and keep doing it until hubby takes responsibility...

They look weird on everyone.

Yes that’s the way I was trying to express in my OP. He has the most beautiful colour green eyes and now sometimes I think he looks angry or wide eyed when literally nothing is happening and I just look at him. I would never want to make him self conscious but I didn’t expect that I would struggle to get used to it. I thought it’s just a teeny tiny bit of extra skin removed, it can’t change your look that much, but it turns out that it really does! 😳

This world we live in 🙈

This is precisely why cosmetic surgery should be illegal except for rectifying genuine defects in situations where making things worse is impossible. eg removing a large growth or pinning back ears.

My mum had her upper lids done and I hated it so can see your point of view. She looked intense and angry all the time but she was happy with it so I didn’t say anything.

Why does that mean it should be illegal?

I looked like a young Liz Jones of all the most ghastly people I could have looked like after my upper and lower but it settles really fast I promise.

I know people who've had it done for medical reasons and you can't really tell - which is as it should be, I think. There's a Facebook page on this and some are definitely better than others. Women can usually reduce that staring intense look with make up but for men, it can look a bit serial killer. The skin will sag again though but you definitely can't say anything. It's like all facial tweakments, you have to pretend you've either not noticed or it's an improvement.

Because it makes people look ridiculous and destroys health and relationships.

This is the thing - so many people say “oh you can’t tell when it’s done well”. You can, it’s just people are too polite to say “you look weird now”.

And? People should have free will to do ridiculous things if they want.

I was thinking of Bradley Walsh. Haha. Less said soonest mended here. I think it would be really upsetting to hear you didn't like his new eyes. Give it a year or two and they will be more like they used to be. Well done to him for loosing all the weight.

I think those eye lifts tend to stretch and sag a bit as time passes. It’s most stark at the beginning.

Nothing can be gained by gratuitously saying you don't like his now non alterable appearance around the eyes. (No more than if your DH were to tell you he didn't like, say, breast reduction surgery you had. Or a nose job).

Congratulations to your DH on turning his life around and the weight loss!

I would hate this sooo much. I despise plastic surgery for non-medical reasons.

But not much you can do about it.