I really do not like DH new look after having cosmetic surgery!

[cinnamontroll]

I’ve been married to DH for 22 yrs. We have a pretty good marriage overall I think.
3 years ago he lost a significant amount of weight (215lbs) and he looks absolutely fantastic and is in great health now. He has been approved for skin removal surgery on the NHS but they are only doing chest and arms (which is fair I think) as it’s not considered cosmetic.
He wanted to also have an upper and lower blepharoplasty on his eyes. He said it bothered him and made him look older than he was. I said I understand and wanted him to feel better about himself as he’s worked tremendously hard living a ketogenic lifestyle and I’m proud of him for this.

Last month he went abroad to have the procedure done and now it’s about 4 weeks later I have to say I hate the way it’s changed his whole eye look! He looks like he’s always staring so intensely now and it stresses me out as they just are not the same eyes I’ve loved since we were 20yrs old. The surgery itself was done perfectly and the lower blepharoplasty does look good as he has no bags under eyes anymore but the eyelid just so startling to me now. I don’t say much about it as I know he’s happy with the results but it’s so hard to get used to him looking different!
I honestly do not know whether to ever say I don’t like it or not?

To give you an idea, Bradley Cooper has recently had this done to his eyes and he gives the same kind of wide eyed look now too. Many people are commenting on this I’ve seen online and fear people may be also thinking this about him or talking behind his back about it.

AIBU to raise my thoughts about it or should I keep my thoughts about his new look to myself?

Why do you think people can’t make their own informed choices? OP may not like it but her husband might. I imagine as with everything it’ll settle with time and ageing.

I think the time to express negative sentiment about it is BEFORE the procedure.

There is sweet fanny adams he can do about it now, so saying you don't like it is only going to cause hurt and not achieve anything positive.

Obviously if he is considering having anything else done then by all means express your views on that.

Ultimately though if someone is unhappy with their appearance then it is their right to deal with it in the way that makes them happy, and as long as it has then I would let it be.

I had a boyfriend in my 20s who didn't want me to have a breast reduction. I chucked him!

What the fuck 🤣 where did you get all that from? You’ve got a great imagination.

I think you can't say anything op but I know exactly why you don't like it. I'm 58 and I love characterful faces. I'm sad that trying to iron out blemishes is giving people uncanny, stretched out, plumped up faces. I really like mine and my husband's wrinkles although I have always taken care of my skin. I even like the scar on my chin from when I came off my bike. It feels like my history and personality is in my face. Hopefully your husband's face will relax a bit and you'll get used to it.

Me too. Sorry, he looks terrible.

Bradley Cooper is beautiful not helpful sorry

Yes they do.

After having been a nurse in ‘plastics’ for a few years ( 20 years ago) I would say people are mentally ill if they get plastic surgery ( as a poster did say here) but I did come to think there were many who were very insecure and lacking in confidence or coerced by family or partners. I had certain patients asking me 30 mins post op how they looked. I saw partners trying to influence the surgeons decision about breast sizes, mothers coaxing daughters to have larger breast sizes. In the end I had enough as I found it pretty depressing and sickening. I can think of a smaller percentage where the individuals had a real need; breast reductions, deviated septum’s. I came away glad that Im happy to age warts and all.

People are ill if they get plastic surgery? You are nuts.

@minishiteboardyou obviously didn’t read my post properly!

That is the craziest thing I’ve ever read. Plenty of people get plastic surgery for very valid reasons, be they chin enhancement, nose correction etc. and I don’t beleive for one moment you were a nurse who both sat in the consulting room where size was discussed and then also were post operative too.

mentally ill?

i wish people didn’t feel the need to get their eyes done. A school mum had it done and she looked so wide eyed afterwards. The irony was that she was absolutely stunning before the procedure. The procedure made her look scary.

@cinnamontroll

As PP have said, it will likely relax over time. You can’t say anything negative to your DH about it beyond saying you’re still getting used to it.

On another note, some tabloid journalists trawl MN for stories and the details you have posted are quite identifying so you might want to see if MN HQ will delete your post.

Had to google. I don’t see the diff in the pics of brad tbh

regards your dh. Don’t say anything. It can’t be changed and if he’s happy with it , then all that matters

ooh you would die at our family - eye lift, boobs, nose job, pstotis ( that is between four of us so far)

Those are captioned wrongly.

What nonsense, I too worked in plastics for years at East Grinstead. I am certainly not mentally ill, Im single and don't want a partner again and have nobody influencing me yet here I am having a deep plane face and neck lift. Im sick of my turkey neck and how it digs into the neckline of everything I wear.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good for my age, for me.
Your attitude is dangerously patronising. How dare you say we are all mentally ill.
Do you wear nice clothes? Don't be so vain, get the sack cloth out.
I've also had a breast uplift without implants and Im very happy with it.

I sincerely hope you are not obese, or smoke, or eat rubbish food or diabetic, if so you should be dumped by the NHS. I work in vascular and its these people who are crushing the NHS with their lifelong, self inflicted problems not the odd facelift that has gone wrong.

It’s so sad.

I appreciate all the advice I’ve been given not to say anything negative, especially now it’s done.
I’m glad I asked before I came out and say I don’t like it, especially as it is still healing tbh

4 weeks is still quite a short time I suppose, in terms of healing, I’m hoping it will settle and as the aging process continues he’ll look more like the man I married.

I have to say I do not understand all the mean comments about people being mentally ill if they have something like this done.

He is not mentally ill in the slightest, he’s an amazing husband and father to our kids. He’s worked so hard to turn his lifestyle around to be around longer for us and he’s still so handsome, but I just didn’t expect such a tiny removal of skin would change the eye shape so much. The lower part does look really good as I mentioned before. He had puffy bags underneath his eyes that never seemed to go and now they are completely gone, he’s over the moon with it!

Thanks again for all the advice, I do appreciate the feedback given!

I think that was a mistype. The poster seems to be saying that she wouldn't say they were mentally ill - not would - but they were insecure and sometimes coerced into procedures.

it can take months to settle down. He will get a bit of relaxation of the lids.

I hope you didn’t speak to your patients like that.

And Catherine Zeta jones has lost one of her features. I don’t like it either, they look like mannequins and just don’t look like them anymore.