AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

Shampoo and toothpaste are no more personal than hand-wash. A toothbrush is entirely different.

The perfume is a bit more personal than hand-wash but not enough to be an issue that it was used.

First post nails it & despite the Op’s later posts, I still agree with this. Don’t leave toiletries that aren’t personal / intimate in a guest bedroom if you don't want guests to use them.

Surely that depends. If you're someone like DH who uses any shampoo and toothpaste then they're not personal but if you have specific ones then yes they are. I have keratin treatment on my hair so can only use sulphate free shampoo and I can't use most toothpastes as they give me mouth ulcers and sores. I know which brands suit me so yes, they are personal hence not sharing with guests or using what the post provides if I was a guest.

OK, personal as in a specific brand is a personal choice. But they aren't intimate. Unlike a toothbrush which was the ridiculous comparison made. Using someone else's shampoo or toothpaste or even perfume is no way comparable to using someone else's toothbrush

I think this was an honest mistake on her part if they were in the room she was staying in. Not like she sneaked in on her way to the bathroom.

She obviously approves of your perfume choices, I would take it as a compliment! Besides which, you get to smell your favourites on her. I do put things in the guest room for their use and assume that they will make use of them.

The perfume smells sound lovely and I'm intrigued what they are now

I disagree. Everyone has different hair types - coloured, anti dandruff, curly etc and my dh and son use different shampoo to me. I wouldn’t dream of using someone else’s toothpaste either. Hand wash is a lot more ubiquitous.

That wasn’t the point I was making.

They were talking about would I expect visitors to bring their own soap and not use the hand wash in the bathroom. Which is not the same thing as bringing personal toiletries. Handwash is there for everyone to use when they visit the toilet, for hygiene reasons.

My point about using someone’s toothbrush was in response to them thinking EVERYTHING in someone’s bathroom/home was fair game.

What a cheeky woman! Of course they weren't there for her use. If you had a wardrobe of clothes in there would she have thought she could help herself?

I mean I think most people don’t actually have a guest bedroom really do they? It’s just a room in your own house that you let people use. It’s not Downton Abbey!

One doesn’t open drawers, doors, cupboards or anything else closed, in others’ homes. Even if the doors are glass.

That is just rock-bottom basic decent manners.

No but they are personal and not for anyone to use. I don’t spend £20 odd a bottle for other people to use it, even DH!

I think if you use a particular brand, whether it’s toothpaste, shampoo, sanitary products, it’s not unreasonable to provide a different/cheaper brand for guests

Sure, but if you don't provide an alternative for guests I still don't think it's unreasonable for someone to use whatever shampoo they find.

Personally I’d ask, it’s polite,but it seems that a lot of people just expect. I actually find it hard to believe that most people don’t take their own toiletries.

I would still ask first to use someone else’s shampoo, with an apology that I’ve left mine at home by mistake.

I wouldn’t share toothpaste either. 😷

Fair enough. Clearly there are a variety of opinions. I don't expect to take my own shampoo anywhere or anyone to bring any to mine unless they were particularly fussy about a particular type.

If someone asked me if they could use something in the bathroom I'd just be a bit embarrassed I hadn't welcomed them fully by making it clear they should make themselves at home and use whatever they want to.

Why not? Genuine question, it’s not something I’ve thought about as it’s just squeezed out of a tube!

You are not being unreasonable. The perfumes belong to you, not random.guests. what a cheeky cow! Just because they're on display in a cabinet, it does not give guest the right to use them. She would be going in my bad books.

I think she’s cheeky but did the same as a 9 year old when I visited a relatives bathroom , naively not realizing they would smell it on me!

I would always take my own toiletries whoever I went.

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I absolutely wouldn't use perfumes in a guest room, but I don't think it's unreasonable for her to have used them, as they were on display - it's an easy mistake to make.

I have a trolley in my guest ensuite, full of toiletries, face masks, candles etc. plus hair dryer, fluffy socks, slippers, dressing gowns, hot water bottle, a basket of snacks and drinks etc. - all for guests to use. I do make it clear that people should help themselves though!