AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

Exactly. Anytime I stay away from home, whether it’s a hotel for work, self catering cottage etc, my own toiletries and perfume come with me.

I’d have no need to use the hosts unless I’d forgotten something, and I’d ask, not just take!

I would put perfume in the same category as lavatory paper, toothpaste, books, teabags, jumpers - ie, if someone is a guest I would be happy for them to help themselves. I wouldn’t expect guests to bring soap or toothpaste but I wouldn’t necessarily provide anything beyond the basics. I don’t have any perfume because I think it s basically horrible but I wouldn’t be arsed if someone used some anymore than I would be bothered if they ate some bread.

I wouldn’t expect someone to come and stay and put my knickers on or use my prescription medication or cut into an uncut birthday cake.

That would make a great other thread, what do you leave for your guests to use when you have friends or family over 😂

I would have thought shampoo, toothpaste, cotton etc.. was the minimum?

I always take shampoo, conditioner, cleaner etc with me, and would assume people would bring some with them also.

Yes, excellent points 💯

I don't agree she thought they were for guest use. Just helped herself as they were there.

My DM has cabinets with sentimental things on display. Some are very old & rare, not worth heaps but pretty. People would still open the cabinets & take them out, and one went missing, but it was too late to prove who it was ) she thinks she knows who).

She now locks the cabinets.

Perfume lasts for years if it’s kept in the box in a cool place, like a drawer, out of sunlight.

What does that have to do with taking your own toiletries where possible?

Unless you’re flying to your friends house, you take your own stuff to use. And you certainly don’t just help yourself. Unless you’re someone who lacks manners of course.

Doesn't that depend on the bottle? I wear Gucci Jasmine and the bottle isn't clear, it's completely opaque.

They were in a glass cabinet not out in the open, yes it’s cheeky!

Why would you ‘expect’ to use theirs?

That’s a very entitled attitude.

If I’m staying for a reasonable amount of time that would require me to wash my hair whilst I’m there, I would absolutely take my own shampoo and conditioner. I would take all the toiletries I need and normally use.

I go away for work often and stay in hotels. They provide stuff, but it doesn’t stop me taking my own toiletries. Not to mention I like to have my own things that I prefer using.

Because I expect people to use mine. I wouldn't invite someone to stay and not stock the bathroom fully. That would be rude.

There is no way I would do that and I can’t understand all the people who would! Perfumes are so expensive and who on earth would especially buy them for guests to help themselves! Entirely different to towels, soap, loo roll. Spare rooms are often used for storage - our spare room wardrobe and chest of drawers have all our clothes in!

Thankfully we don't have guests staying (1 bed flats have their advantages!) but I would be extremely pissed off if someone used my shampoo or shower gel as it costs a fortune! I'd take my own if I was staying with someone and I would expect guests to do the same. Luckily if they forgot the corner shop is open until late!

Your expectations in your own home, do not apply to others in their homes.

The key thing here is not to assume. It’s fine to provide things for your guests, but unless your guest knows you well and knows it’s ok to use stuff, then it’s rude to just assume otherwise.

And as a guest, I would never just assume I could use things. I would always ask as a courtesy, because that’s the polite thing to do.

I think it's a bit cheeky but not outrageous.I would reply,"My pleasure.Can you bring a few of yours next visit?" or "Glad you liked them.Make sure you leave some of yours out when we visit?"

Fair enough. My friends are all as relaxed as I am. Not sure I've ever arrived at someone’s house without being told "help yourself". And I would use shampoo etc in the bathroom even if not directly told so. It's a basic to provide.

Would you use things if they were obviously expensive?

If that was all that was available sure. I have no concept of shampoo being particularly expensive. I'm sure there are more expensive ones than I buy but do they really get so expensive that you begrudge anyone else using it?

If I was really that precious about my shampoo I'd just put a different one out when I had guests but I can't imagine such a scenario.

Its all a bit miserly

I was quite miffed when a friend who was staying with me for a week to do a course, went in my bathroom cabinet and used around half a packet of my make up remover wipes, and think I'd be even less happier if anyone used my perfume at £100 a bottle. She sounds like a CF.

Mine is £20+ a bottle. No doubt some people spend more but I would absolutely begrudge someone using it without asking and I don't see why I should have to put my things away. The same with my perfume, I would think it was a cheek if someone saw my bottle of Gucci on the side and decided to have a good spray of it!

I would always take my own things if I was staying somewhere so I suppose that's why I think it would be a cheek for someone to use mine, especially without asking.

I tend to leave out a selection of creams, shower gel, shampoo and perfume in a little basket in guests rooms for people to use (often a few minis from xmas beauty calendars) - my mum has always done the same. If I was in a room with a load of perfume I might assume people are doing similar!

The only person I ever allow to stay is my daughter and her boyfriend and they can use whatever they like.

I’m a terrible host and entertainer. Can’t be doing with any of it. Dinner parties make me break out in a sweat.

Basically no one with the exception of my kid gets near my Jo Malone collection. 🤭

V rude I'd say. It's not like you left them out on a table, she had to open a cabinet to help herself. Poor manners.