AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

Even though the perfume was on display on the room

Don't use perfume myself but know it can be expensive.

She should have asked your first.of all if she could have used it. Obviously needs lesson in manners

Find her entitlement a bit passive aggressive to be honest

Is she a tad jealous of yo.

Maybe not such a lovely family after all?
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The OP is only asking if people think it's a bit rude to use someone's perfume for a week. She states that she almost doesn't mind, and that it's hardly the end of the world. I don't think she's being 'precious' at all.

I keep my perfume in the main bathroom, as that's where I spray it on after I brush my teeth. If someone stayed unexpectedly and had left her own behind, I wouldn't mind at all if she used mine, but would expect her to ask, as I don't think it's a given that an invitation to stay over includes helping yourself to things. Of course I would expect her to use the toothpaste and shampoo/shower/bath products - even if they were expensive ones - as that goes with the territory. Most of the time it's just my husband and me in the house, so of course my stuff is out, and I'm hardly going to swap it for Tesco own brand or something the minute a friend decides to stay over. My daughter is a different matter though. She helps herself and liberally tries anything she's not seen before😀

Someone coming for a planned visit and staying for half term is different, I think. I wouldn't give it a lot of thought, but would assume that they'd bring a toilet bag. I keep one packed with shampoo, curl jelly, toothpaste, deodorant, moisturiser etc - everything I'd need for a stay away, or a sudden hospital admission. It lives in an overnight bag with a spare charger, knickers and so on, so I can grab and go. I always wear perfume, so keep a small bottle in my handbag. If I didn't have it on me, I would go without - perfume is hardly a necessary item such as shampoo.

I think that's really cheeky! But I would have reacted in the same way as you did, out of surprise!
She should have asked

But been in a glass display behind glass. Its not the same as been on a table.

I have never been invited to anyone's house without the host saying which bathroom to use and to help yourself to anything you need.

No, it's not standard for anyone to carry all their stuff. I have never seen friends or family dragging shampoo, conditionner, shower gel, soap.

Friends come to your house, they wash their hands, of course. Do you expect them to bring their own soap for that? Of course not. Same thing with showers!

It’s just a squirt of perfume. Get a grip

I feel because it was in your 'guest' bathroom shed think it was for guests to use. If she was sharing your bathroom my guess is she wouldnt be using any of the toiletries in yr bathrm cabinet?

I recently stayed at a friend's, and in my bedroom were moisturisers and in my ensuite there were shower gels and shampoos. I had taken my own, so didn't use my friend's. However, I assumed they were there for guests to use should they want to. Likewise if there had been perfume in my guest bedroom I would assume I could use it.

Incidentally I keep my perfume in the fridge as it stays fresh longer.

But unless the host is going to supply products I like I’d prefer to take my own! I don’t use products in hotels for the same reason.

This thread has been an eye opener though. If I’m unfortunate enough to have people staying in future I’m locking my stuff away and paying a visit to the pound shop!

I think this is the sort of thing where the norms are different in different circles and it's not worth being in any way miffed when you come across someone who doesn't know your norms. You just need to adjust next time. I can see why a guest might think the things you have out in a guest bedroom are for guests to use. Them being in a glass cabinet would give me pause, depending on what it was, but it could easily be seen as just a way to stop them getting too dusty. I do think your description of your room suggests that not everything that's in there is for guests use, but I don't think it's as obvious what is and isn't as you seem to. If they were takers in other ways, I would avoid them in the future, but if they were otherwise nice, this is just miscommunication.

Her comment about getting her money's worth seems a bit on the crass side given that you don't really know her that well and I could see that might get your back up given you didn't expect her to use them. But it's more likely it was her thinking you were a generous and lovely host and she wanted you to know she really appreciated it.

Chalk it up to experience and the rich variety of life. If all your other guests have norms like your own in this regard, I wouldn't go to the bother of emptying the cabinet unless you ask these guests back.

If you didn’t want her or anyone to use the perfume why on earth would you have them in the guest room. This is saying please use me otherwise you would have had them hidden in your room when they were visiting if you didn’t want her to use them. Not checky of her as she would have thought as you had left them in the room she could use them.

Even if I was staying at a close friend’s house I wouldn’t dream of helping myself to her perfume unless she had specifically said I should help myself.
If I had forgotten mine or fancied trying one I would ask if it was ok to use it.

She is very rude and not showing respect for you in front of her dc.

wow

You like people so much, you are close enough to invite them to stay in your own home, but you would not offer them your basic shampoo and shower gel?

That's very weird.

Is that the same with food? You would lock your "good food"away and feed them the cheapest basic range?

If you dislike your own friends and family so much, it's frightening to imagine what you think of people you actually don't like!

Someone might as well get some use out of them, perfume does go ‘off’ eventually.

Absolutely this. You have therm in the guest room, it seems like an invitation to use them

I'd say displaying them in the guest room is a bit OTT - maybe put them oit of sight if you dont want them used as it seems they were laid out in such a way

I swear most people skim read posts and then just add whatever they want to! It’s so fucking annoying

Maybe 🤔 but whats the point of keeping it for special occasions

Lesson learned I would say, here. Did she open sealed boxes? Then yes, you should be upset. Perfume goes off eventually how ever expensive.

Since it was a fairly new friend I would be thinking a few house rules would have been put out there on their arrival?
”This is your room, I’ve left out these towels, toiletries for you to use. Do you see my Personal collection of perfume? Sorry they are in your room for the lack of space.”
The conversation may then prompt the guest to say something.

Our guest room doubles as my sewing/ yarn room. I cover the cabinet with a throw as a deterrent to go nosing through my projects and let the guest know what they can use in the room.

I think this is so rude! It’s your home, you should be able to keep
your perfumes wherever you want, without thinking it’s an offer to use them! Especially expensive ones!
the cheek of you hosting this couple and she’s using your perfumes all week without asking, and then the parting comment is “thought I’d get my moneys worth” 😳 Didn’t you do
enough be having them? Joke or
not, that comment would piss me off.
Did they leave you a gift? Buy dinner or anything else while they stayed? I’m sorry, but her card would be marked after that 😂👍❌

I have about 20, all expensive. Some people have toy collections, trainer collections etc. Adults can spend their own money however they please.

I leave toothbrushes and handmade guest soaps in the guest room. If perfume/ cologne was on display it would be assumed it was for usage

To be fair it’s never going to happen as I only live in a one bed flat so nowhere for any guests to sleep! But in this hypothetical situation I would off them basic shampoo and shower gel, I don’t see anything wrong with keeping expensive stuff for myself.

Personally I’d rather stay in a hotel but if I was staying with someone I would rather take my own things anyway.

But that’s different. Because you’ve been TOLD to help yourself.

That permission has already been granted.

That isn’t the same and you know it 🙄

We’re talking about personal toiletries. Not hand-wash in bathrooms that people would expect visitors to use, to ensure their hands are clean after going to the loo.

Do you use people’s toothbrushes when you visit their house? Or do you take your own?

Clearly you have friends with multiple bathrooms if you’re being told ‘which bathroom to use’. How many bathrooms do you think most people have?