AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

Yes, they were on display in a guest room, so you'd assume they were meant for/fine for guests to use. Not even in a cupboard, but a display case. I know it's not quite the same thing, but you wouldn't stay in a hotel or B&B with toiletries on display and not assume they were there for you to use.

It reminds me a bit of the Mitchell & Webb sketch, where David's character had bought a former bookshop for a home to live in. He hadn't made any cosmetic changes - he'd left the big front window in place, as well as the shop sign and the bell on the door, but he was still incandescent at the people who kept walking in to his living room, not unreasonably assuming that it was still a shop!

I am surprised by these responses. I'd never use any perfume of anyone else's-they're an expensive item, spare room or anywhere they were in the house wouldn't matter.

Most spare rooms, even though never used other than for guests, have personal items in them being stored-Mine has a wardrobe in with some items of clothing I don't wear often-I wouldn't expect guests to help themselves to those items without asking.

At a push I might use someone's shampoo had I forgotten mine, but that's an everyday thing rather than a luxury item.

I think she was very cheeky and presumptuous and I would not give her access to them again, I would move them from the spare room when she stays.

My ex stays at mine quite often to 'dog sit' while I am away, and although we know one another very well and have for years, I know she'd not take anything without asking-and nor would the (two different) partners she's brought with her.

Having the perfumes in a spare room might give the impression the perfumes were old ones you don't use so you wouldn't mind if someone took a quick spray of them here and there. She probably assumed your actual perfumes would be in your bedroom/bathroom with the rest of your stuff, unless the room was set up as a dressing room.

Nah, she's rude.

Its incredibly rude. What a CF.

I am really surprised other people seem to think your perfume is fair game.

Missing the point entirely, but you shouldn’t expose perfumes to light or heat. That way leads to gone off stank. You need to only display empty bottles and hide away the fuller ones.

This. It made it worse to add the comment about getting her money's worth... since presumably you weren't charging her for staying there.

She was a guest and whilst the toiletries in a hotel are fair game, because she'd paid....Also using a dab of shower gel in the shower, also fair game I think

but perfume is personal and to start using personal stuff when she'd had presumably free accomodation, free meals and free entertainment for four of them is an absolute Bloody cheek...

She didn't just have a squirt of one perfume. She worked her way through them every day she was there... That really is taking liberties..
She's a CF who likes to let you know she's a CF and proud of it.

I hope she reciprocated in some way, brought some wine or a hosting present?

I wouldn’t use things that were in cupboards and drawers in a guest room as I’d assume that, unlike a hotel, the owners will be storing things in the room which aren’t necessarily there for guests to help themselves to. I think the worst thing is her saying she was getting her money’s worth - that’s just taking the piss as she knows it’s expensive and has treated it differently as a result.

Agreed! It's someone's house, not complimentary toiletries in a hotel room. How utterly bizarre to assume you can just use anything left in the room you're staying in in a friend's house. Also agree that perfume is personal. And the snide little comment she made is just rubbing it in.

I think that's dead cheeky actually, perfume in a display case to me is an obvious collection rather than a free for all at the bloody perfume counter in Debenhams. At the very least I'd ask first!

Mumsnet is super weird about guest etiquette though, and the rules seem to ebb and flow depending on what time of day it is. Apparently the cheeky fuckers are all on early afternoon. If you ask this again tomorrow at midnight you'll get completely different responses.

That isn't what OP asked though, she asked if it was rude. And it was. If you're a guest in someone's home, you don't have carte blanche to just help yourself to everything. You also shouldn't assume something is fair game just because it's in the guest room. I wouldn't expect someone hosting me to feel like they had to move a whole glass cabinet out of my room just to stop me using the perfumes inside. But then, I have manners.

I always keep my guest room stocked with toiletries for guests that might be caught short. I'd assume anything in the guest room cabinet would be for me to use!

Well you left them in the guest room. I would have half assumed you meant them to be used by guests. Some people like to set up guest rooms like mini hotel rooms and if they were in a glass cabinet and you left other things like towels and bits for them then they probably thought they were for your 'guest' set up.

This isn't a hotel. Guest bedroom basically translates as "spare room". Most people store personal things in a spare room and most normal people would recognise that. I wouldn't assume that absolutely anything left in a spare room was fair game. At the very least I'd ask the host. I can't imagine the vast majority of guests in an ordinary household would assume the vast array of expensive perfumes in a display cabinet had been put there just for them! Except on Mumsnet of course.

Opening the glass cabinet is cheeky, in my opinion.
I have some similar items (actually, includes a couple of perfume bottles) on display, in a glass cabinet. However, when I have guests round, I lock the cabinet and remove key. Might be something to consider in future.

What guest would do this?! It’s not like a towel on the bed or a bottle of water on the bedside table!

Who would think: how nice of the host to lay on an assortment of 15 designer fragrances for me to choose from during my stay?

I’d have totally told her to help herself if she’d asked/expressed an interest but as a pp said her helping herself (especially seeing as she’s not a close friend) is really presumptuous. She obvs didn’t think so though as it was all done in plain sight/smell so at least she wasn’t trying to be sneaky about it which I suppose means she thought it was fine and makes it less cheeky, perhaps.

Woah, very cheeky imo. I am a huge perfume enthusiast (although tbf I don't keep bottles in the guest room) and would have been perfectly happy to share if asked. The just spraying without asking is really rude imo.

I would have assumed if they were in the room they were there to use. I leave face cloths, soap, towels and bits for my guests to use.

‘Getting her money’s worth’?? Had you charged her for her stay?? What a weird thing to say.

If it’s in the guest room guests can use it here.

It’s totally weird she did thisn

Don’t have leave them in the guest room if you don’t want them to be used by guests.

You left them in the guest room that you invited her to use. In her position, is assume you were being a lovely host! I’d probably mention that I wanted to use one before to doing it just to be polite, but I’d be surprised if you said no after leaving them open in the room you asked me to stay in.

Very rude. I wouldn't have used them without asking but then I was brought up with manners.

She might have been cringing all the way home about her “getting her money’s worth” comment 😂