AIBU to think this is a bit rude/ cheeky?

[Iloveleaveinconditioner]

I’m quite a ‘perfume’ person and have a collection (about 15 bottles at the moment) in a glass cabinet in one of our guests rooms. Some of them are very expensive and have been Christmas/ birthday presents.

We’ve just had guests down for 4 days for half term. For reference, it’s an old work colleague of my husband’s who he became really good friends with, his wife and their 2 DC. I’ve met this friend and his wife about 5-6 times over the years and they are absolutely lovely, we really get on.

Anyway, all week the wife smelt lovely, I kept smelling all these lovely, familiar smells. You can probably see where this is going!

Yesterday when they were leaving, I gave her a hug goodbye and again, she smelt lovely (but familiar) I said ‘god you smell lovely’ and she said ‘Thanks, it’s one of yours, I’ve been using different ones of yours all week, been getting my money’s worth’ and laughed. I was a bit taken aback but laughed too.

I’m not sure how I feel about it to be honest. On one hand I almost don’t mind, it’s hardly the end of the world, but on the other I think I’d never dream of doing that, especially without asking and even then, I’d only ask if I’d forgotten my perfume and for some reason smelt awful, or they had one that I really wanted to try before I purchased.

Is it a bit rude or am I being overly precious?

Don't post on AIBU the because you clearly think you are not

I have to ask, who on earth has FIFTEEN bottles of perfume? Especially expensive perfume. I only have a couple on the go at any one time, as if I had any more, it would nearly all go off before I could use it all. No-one is going to use fifteen bottles of perfume before they go off! You'd be binning twelve of the fifteen bottles!

What did she mean? "getting my monies worth".

Totally agree.

I leave toiletries in the guest room for any guests to use. It wouldn't be in the least ill-mannered for someone to use them, since that's precisely what they're there for. People use a little of what they need or want. I'd probably find it a bit odd if someone sought separate 'permission.'

That's pretty normal in my experience.

They’re obviously all cheeky feckers!

Yes it’s cheeky. My gorgeous, generous MIL has beautiful perfumes displayed in her bathroom. In 30 years I’ve never once sprayed any unless she has encouraged it.

Same with people going in other people’s fridges. Not the done thing. Poor manners.

As they were in a glass Cabinet, which you have to open, I think it was cheeky to use them.

But perfumes displayed in a bathroom, and going through someone's fridge are very different to a guest using toiletries placed in a guest room?

Performs behind a glass cabinet is not the ‘usual’ for a guest room.

It’s one thing to tell people “oh I’ve left some toiletries for you if you need them”.

Quite another to just help yourself.

I wouldn't use them personally, but I wouldn't expect people not to use them if they are displayed in the guest room.

You don't generally leave things that you want to keep out of bound in the guest room. Different when you give your own bedroom and take the sofa.

Guests room are where you put unwanted items, and things specifically for your guests.

For you they are expensive perfume, but they could still be unwanted. They could also be fake, or whatever. So it's not outrageous for someone to use them - it's not like she went rummaging in your own bedroom or bathroom

I actually do put various expensive perfumes in the guest bedroom for guests to use if they want tobut I would be put off by the «getting my money’s worth» comment. I don’t expect gratitude but I also don’t expect «in-your-face entitlement». What’s next, a suggestion that you add some body products for layering and buy the latest Hermès variants before her next visit? I would be irritated.

It's perhaps not usual, but I think there's enough latitude in it to think that the guest wasn't being rude, she just misunderstood that those things were not intended for guests to have a little spritz to try.

In the same situation as the OP, I wouldn't think for a second that a guest was being rude - just that they had made the wrong assumption.

I think the fact they were there in the guest room led her to think they were there to be used. So it wasn’t unreasonable of her on that basis - she probably saw it a bit like nice hand lotion with the soap, or something like that. The “getting my money”s worth” comment was clearly an attempt at humour and meant she enjoyed them and felt that you’d been very hospitable - that sort of thing?

I have clothes in a wardrobe in my spare room. I wouldn’t expect guests to wear them without asking! I think it’s weird to use your perfumes without asking first OP.

I also wouldn’t use someone’s else’s shower gel or shampoo left in their bathroom either!

You shouldn’t have to do that surely?!!! In your own home?!!

Choice and variety?!

I have lots and like to change up depending on mood and season. I don’t think the price comes into it.

But People shouldn’t help themselves. So rude. And the comment - getting my moneys worth?! Treating you like a hotel. Prob just a silly comment but even still. I think the brazen-ness of wearing differnt ones each day!!

if I knew someone well and saw a nice perfume or toiletry I might say - oh I’ve wanted to try that one, do you mind if I try it??

Clothes in a wardrobe are obviously "storage".

Perfume displayed seem like an invitation? Again, not shocking for guests to use.

I also wouldn’t use someone’s else’s shower gel or shampoo left in their bathroom either!
what do you use when you are staying with people? You go to the shop first to buy your own?

Unless it's in a cabinet and it's rude to rummage, anything left in the bathroom used by guests is for anyone to use?

No, she was being rude.

You don’t just assume you can use someone’s perfumes.

Standard toiletries are one thing. A cabinet full of perfumes is obviously not a standard thing and the least you should do is ask if you’re able to use them and not just assume.

It would never occur to me to ‘have a little spritz and try’ of perfumes that were in a glass cabinet in a guest room. Unless specifically told I could use them, I would never assume they were there for me to use. And that’s what I mean by manners. Ask first, don’t assume.

Perfume goes off. Use your expensive perfumes whats the point of keeping it for a special occasion. Wear them every day. Regarding your guest yes agee a bit cheeky not something I would do. But please use your perfume it doesn’t last like a handbag 😊

“what do you use when you are staying with people? You go to the shop first to buy your own?”

Most people with common sense would take their own toiletries when they’re staying away from home.

Agree, 15 isn’t a lot of you’ve received them as gifts. I barely used to have any perfume, but now have at least 10 I’ve received as gifts. Some are summer, daytime scents. And some are for winter evenings.

Also agree I wouldn’t use perfume in someone’s spare room unless I asked. That way, there isn’t any misunderstanding. If they’ve been left there for guests (e.g. gifts which the host isn’t keen on) they’ll say: “Sure, go ahead, I left them there for guests”. If not, they’ll set you straight.

I always take my own toiletries (shower gel, toothpaste etc) and perfume when I stay anywhere. So, I’d never expect to use my host’s.

Yes & they're in the bedroom you permitted her to stay in, so if you're particular about your precious perfume, why don't you put a lock on the cabinet? I mean, she obviously thought the perfumes were part & parcel of the guest room, or she wouldn't have been so honest
Plus why don't you have your perfumes in your own bedroom, rather than the guestroom if you don't wish for your guests to sample them?
Surely this would prevent some confusion? 💚

says someone who clearly never fly with hand luggage only 😂

Regardless, I never expect any guest to bring their own shampoo and shower gel, who does that? Their own bedding and pillows too? Their own tea bags? 😂😂

Do they? I don't take shampoo and conditioner to someone's house. I assume there will be some there. Wouldn't expect anyone to bring that to mine either.

Might bring toothpaste in case the people I'm staying with have an en-suite and don't leave toothpaste in the main bathroom.