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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

312 replies

cococream · 31/10/2025 09:27

Yesterday, my stepson and three of his friends were hanging out at our house. They were in the living room, and I was in the hallway on my way to grab something when I overheard one of them say my name. I stopped in my tracks because it was obvious they were talking about me. My stepson specifically wasn’t saying nice things at all. I heard him call me a “Swedish wh*re,” say I’m “only good at being Dad’s toy,” and rant about how I’m with his dad only for the money, that I wrecked my husband’s first marriage, and things of that sort. His friends were laughing and continuing with jokes. Honestly, it shocked me because he’s always been super nice to me and on his best behaviour. He’s 16 and I’ve known him since he was nine. There are only 13 years between us, and I’ve always treated him like a little brother, so I believed we had a good, cool relationship. I didn’t say anything to him or his friends at the time. I waited until my husband was home so we could have a talk together, the three of us. He refused to apologise, saying he won’t apologise for “saying the truth.” My husband and his ex-wife (who he also called) decided to ground him by not allowing his friends over until he apologises. He lives with us full-time but often visits his mum, and she visits frequently too. I’m good friends with my husband’s ex-wife, she’s even invited to all family events. All of my stepson’s “facts” are factually untrue, which is what truly puzzles me. I don’t think the punishment is unreasonable.

OP posts:
Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 22:48

RubySquid · 31/10/2025 22:38

His home is with his father.

I’m sure he sees his mother eow unless I missed something

Redpeach · 31/10/2025 23:17

Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 22:43

I’m sure he treats his mother just as shitty. He actually sounds like a spoiled shitty teenager. Aren’t they all.

No

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 23:52

Glowingup · 31/10/2025 22:06

Your replies give me a sense of the sort of person you are and the sorts of people you surround yourself with and yes I can believe that the teens in your life call women whores. Thankfully my world, call it middle class or whatever, is a lot more pleasant and the vast majority of them don’t. I get the train with the boys from the local all boys selective school and they don’t talk like that. At all.

As if I am going to listen to anyone who thinks a "local all boy's selective school" is normal life.
ln your middle class bubble of privilege, looking down your nose on the common people... you haven't got a clue about life in the real world.
🤣🤣🤣

Katflapkit · 01/11/2025 00:00

Wishitsnows · 31/10/2025 09:45

You were eavesdropping and he is allowed to speak to his friends about things that bother him and allowed an opinion surely.

Are you serious? He called her a whore

Dweetfidilove · 01/11/2025 03:49

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 21:23

No I don't think it's ok, but I often heard my son call his stepmother that. It's what young lads do with their pals whether women agree or not.

It put me in a very awkward position as she was a homewrecker, so I did actually agree. Any woman who knowingly takes a married man with children away from a wife and family is not a nice person to put it VERY mildly indeed...

Edited

How incredibly sad☹️

oldtiredcyclist · 01/11/2025 12:33

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 23:52

As if I am going to listen to anyone who thinks a "local all boy's selective school" is normal life.
ln your middle class bubble of privilege, looking down your nose on the common people... you haven't got a clue about life in the real world.
🤣🤣🤣

Edited

I am from a working class background and when I was at school in the seventies, it wouldn't have been acceptable for any boy to refer to a girl/woman as a "whore". Any young guy who does this is a "wrongun" and has to be taught manners, respect and appropriate behaviour.

Gloriia · 01/11/2025 13:33

'Any young guy who does this is a "wrongun" and has to be taught manners, respect and appropriate behaviour'

Exactly. Blame the sleazy dad's 'parenting', which is what most of us have done. He needs to set a better example and also talk to his ds about appropriate language.

CandidRobin · 01/11/2025 20:55

Burn him at the stake!

He is perfectly nice to her in person. He is entitled to have his own opinion. We can't police other people's thoughts. A negative view of another person doesn't equate to a major personality defect in the person expressing the opinion. Sometimes words are just words. They don't mean the person hates all women or is a danger to women.

SleeplessInWherever · 01/11/2025 21:56

CandidRobin · 01/11/2025 20:55

Burn him at the stake!

He is perfectly nice to her in person. He is entitled to have his own opinion. We can't police other people's thoughts. A negative view of another person doesn't equate to a major personality defect in the person expressing the opinion. Sometimes words are just words. They don't mean the person hates all women or is a danger to women.

Calling someone a “Swedish whore” or a “toy” is not just words.

It’s dehumanising misogyny, and claiming it’s just words excuses it.

Glowingup · 01/11/2025 22:10

CremeEggThief · 31/10/2025 23:52

As if I am going to listen to anyone who thinks a "local all boy's selective school" is normal life.
ln your middle class bubble of privilege, looking down your nose on the common people... you haven't got a clue about life in the real world.
🤣🤣🤣

Edited

You don’t have to listen but I’m pleased to live in a bubble where it’s not normal for men to talk about women the way your son does.

anterenea · 03/11/2025 11:19

This reply has been deleted

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TheZanyZebra · 03/11/2025 11:58

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

if you need to start insulting posters, it only means you have no arguments and can't find a decent idea to defend your point.😂

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