Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

[cococream]

Yesterday, my stepson and three of his friends were hanging out at our house. They were in the living room, and I was in the hallway on my way to grab something when I overheard one of them say my name. I stopped in my tracks because it was obvious they were talking about me. My stepson specifically wasn’t saying nice things at all. I heard him call me a “Swedish wh*re,” say I’m “only good at being Dad’s toy,” and rant about how I’m with his dad only for the money, that I wrecked my husband’s first marriage, and things of that sort. His friends were laughing and continuing with jokes. Honestly, it shocked me because he’s always been super nice to me and on his best behaviour. He’s 16 and I’ve known him since he was nine. There are only 13 years between us, and I’ve always treated him like a little brother, so I believed we had a good, cool relationship. I didn’t say anything to him or his friends at the time. I waited until my husband was home so we could have a talk together, the three of us. He refused to apologise, saying he won’t apologise for “saying the truth.” My husband and his ex-wife (who he also called) decided to ground him by not allowing his friends over until he apologises. He lives with us full-time but often visits his mum, and she visits frequently too. I’m good friends with my husband’s ex-wife, she’s even invited to all family events. All of my stepson’s “facts” are factually untrue, which is what truly puzzles me. I don’t think the punishment is unreasonable.

If they’re happy, and their family/household is working well, I think being upset because of someone’s age is a fairly dramatic take tbh.

@SleeplessInWherever
the 16 year olds I know (a few) who’s fathers have left the family to date someone 30 years younger who could be their sister are very very unhappy about it. Maybe the few I know aren’t representative, I don’t know.

I’ll add the caveat that seems to be required on this thread, (despite no one saying anything of the sort), of course the sons misogyny is utterly appalling.

He didn’t leave his family for her. He’d already left.

I’d hope that after 7 years, most would just be happy that she’s not an evil stepmother and that their father is happy.

I don’t think that’s their worry, of the ones I know. They are just embarrassed.

This is CRAZY. So because dad has more money, he gets to have the child???? Money doesn’t mean a better parent. It’s obvious he doesn’t like you by what you overheard, yet he has to put up with his life with you and his dad because dad has more money

'I’ll add the caveat that seems to be required on this thread, (despite no one saying anything of the sort), of course the sons misogyny is utterly appalling'

Yes I wonder where he gets it from, to treat women as objects and with such disrespect? It's a mystery.

At 16, he could vote with his feet. Dad set mom up 7 years ago and the boy knows where to find her.
Instead of disappearing down a hole of hateful behaviour, he could go and live with his mother.
We read about teenagers choosing one parent or the other all the time.

So there is 25 years between the OP and the step dad, and 13 years between the OP and the step son. And she has a 'cool' big sister type relationship with him. I can understand why he's embarrassed about the situation and why he has responded badly to his friends likely teasing him about it. Doesn't make it right - but I think support and therapy for the boy is more in order than punishment or kicking him out.

Have you met a teenager? A teenager whose parents split when he was 9? And who is now starting to realise his ancient dad was shacking up with a student?

I don't get the comments here. You can't apply rational thinking to an irrational situation, which for a 16 year old, this is.

No I don't think it's ok, but I often heard my son call his stepmother that. It's what young lads do with their pals whether women agree or not.

It put me in a very awkward position as she was a homewrecker, so I did actually agree. Any woman who knowingly takes a married man with children away from a wife and family is not a nice person to put it VERY mildly indeed...

You really don’t understand why a 16 year old boy would have difficulty with his 54 year old dad dating a 29 year old woman?

I can do better than that.

I’ve been a teenager, whose parents separated when I was 8, because my father had an affair with a much younger woman and left for her. And moved in with her and her family, leaving his own children behind.

He’s a dick because he had an affair, not because of her age. I don’t recall ever giving a shit how old she was. Doesn’t make a single iota of difference.

You absolutely can be rational as a child from a divorced and reblended family.

It’s important to remember OP met her husband a year after their separation. So “learning he was shacking up with a student” isn’t a thing, because there’s apparently no affair or leaving for anyone else.

Wise up love! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
If this shocks you, I really really hope you never hear them talking about female teachers they don't like.....

Horrible, but it's a phase... For most of them anyway.

The father needs to tell his son the actual facts not the step mother. After I made sure that the father told the real truth to the little shit, I’d ignore him. I wouldn’t look at him or talk to him but I wouldn’t kick him out. That proves his point in his mind. He’ll figure it out eventually. Kids believe what they believe until they grow up and boys are harder than girls with this kind of thing. Good luck, chin up and all that. This too shall pass as another lesson in life.

This is a very silly reply indeed.
You're the mum not the stepmum, so of course he wouldn't say it about you. 🙄

Another middle class woman who has NO idea at all how young working class men talk to their pals about women they don't like or respect...

Again really not all teens

So you expext a child to change their mind from the age of 9 to16?

Bring back the laughing face for naive people like you. 🙄

I'm off.

Right but they all like and respect their mums do they?

Pretty sure calling women whores is a classless trait

Your replies give me a sense of the sort of person you are and the sorts of people you surround yourself with and yes I can believe that the teens in your life call women whores. Thankfully my world, call it middle class or whatever, is a lot more pleasant and the vast majority of them don’t. I get the train with the boys from the local all boys selective school and they don’t talk like that. At all.

He's probably mortified that his Dad married someone young enough to be his daughter and is trying to save face in front of his mates.

Then he should move back home with his mother then, right?

It sounds like he’s quite recently changed his mind tbh, sounds like it was all quite civil until recently.

Regardless of what his opinion of his father’s marriage is, he had absolutely no right talking about her in that way. None.

Just because some “working class” (as someone put it earlier) use disgusting language about women, doesn’t mean they should.

His home is with his father.

I’m sure he treats his mother just as shitty. He actually sounds like a spoiled shitty teenager. Aren’t they all.