Overheard my stepson bad-mouthing me to his friends

[cococream]

Yesterday, my stepson and three of his friends were hanging out at our house. They were in the living room, and I was in the hallway on my way to grab something when I overheard one of them say my name. I stopped in my tracks because it was obvious they were talking about me. My stepson specifically wasn’t saying nice things at all. I heard him call me a “Swedish wh*re,” say I’m “only good at being Dad’s toy,” and rant about how I’m with his dad only for the money, that I wrecked my husband’s first marriage, and things of that sort. His friends were laughing and continuing with jokes. Honestly, it shocked me because he’s always been super nice to me and on his best behaviour. He’s 16 and I’ve known him since he was nine. There are only 13 years between us, and I’ve always treated him like a little brother, so I believed we had a good, cool relationship. I didn’t say anything to him or his friends at the time. I waited until my husband was home so we could have a talk together, the three of us. He refused to apologise, saying he won’t apologise for “saying the truth.” My husband and his ex-wife (who he also called) decided to ground him by not allowing his friends over until he apologises. He lives with us full-time but often visits his mum, and she visits frequently too. I’m good friends with my husband’s ex-wife, she’s even invited to all family events. All of my stepson’s “facts” are factually untrue, which is what truly puzzles me. I don’t think the punishment is unreasonable.

Yes, probably. Fairly common with teenagers.

What do you mean by this?

His dad has the nicer, bigger things. Mum and dad didn't want to cause instability for him by making him commute between 2 households constantly, so they settled on him living with dad & mum gets a lump sum spousal maintenance payment to establish herself. They were separated for about a year before finally filing for divorce - that's the period I met my husband. Mum also had a boyfriend during that time but she never settled down again like dad did, so I guess now I'm taking the heat for it.

My ex is on six figures, I’m minimum wage. My kids would choose me every time.

Okay 🤷‍♀️ doesn’t mean every kid would

Bet you get a good chunk of money from your ex towards kid or child gets plenty of stuff from daddy

No age response so let’s take a guess - 55?

it’s interesting op that you are subtly trying to have a dig at the child for choosing the finer things money can buy, as if by 16 one should have worked out that money isn’t everything.

I think she just explained the facts around why he lives where he does, and why his parents made that decision. Which she didn’t have to do.

How is a woman who’s just been called a Swedish whore the bad guy here.

This is why I would never ever take on anyone’s kids or love anyone else’s kids as my own. You could do the world for them, raise them and they shit all over you and there’s nothing you can do. You can give them the best part of your life and they could turn around and say you are no one to them and they would be right. I would just stop doing anything for him and completely ignore him. He hates you so no point in trying to have any relationship with him

?
I didn't have a dig at anyone, I was asked why the son lives with his dad full-time and explained how that arrangement came to be + clarified when I first met my husband. And the age is 54, the reason why I didn't answer the age question is because I didn't want the whole thread to revolve around age gaps (how it tends to happen online when one is mentioned).

@cococream why won’t you answer the repeatedly asked question about how old your DH is?

I just did and also explained why I didn't want to answer it. + I had my account deactivated all of a sudden for a bit and had to email the mod team to get it back, so I lost track of a few thread pages.

If I found out my son had said that to his stepmother, even if I didn't like her, I would tan his behind. Disgusting misogynistic language.

Grounding is for minor rudeness. Calling you his Swedish whore is arse smacking, Xbox binning, these friends are never welcome in either house again and wait till I speak to their parents, kind of behaviour.

Disgraceful and he wouldn't be coming back until I got a heartfelt apology and even then I'd view him differently.

Can't believe kids these days have the cheek tbh. If I'd said that at 16, I'd not be laughing, I'd be running and praying to god that it was a jogging bottoms day!

'And the age is 54'

And you're 29? I'm not surprised his ds is full of anger and resentment .

Cross post @cococream - thanks for clarifying. SURELY you can see why that’s relevant to your DSSs attitude…

Yes totally her fault and totally understandable that he calls her a Swedish whore.

'If I found out my son had said that to his stepmother, even if I didn't like her, I would tan his behind. Disgusting misogynistic language'

No you wouldn't 'tan his backside'. You'd sit him down and ask him why he feels such disrespect surely?

Not nice to call anyone names but that is all a red herring here. A 54 yr old hooks up with a 29yr old and the 16yr old son is angry and mixed up so lashes out, quelle surprise.

It’s the law so yes he did but he weaponised it against me and threatened to stop it many times. By 16 he decided to give the money direct to them instead of me. Regardless of any of that my kids would never want to live with their dad even though he lives a much more ‘bougie’ life than me.

Not sure what your point is or why you said daddy? My youngest refers to him by his name (not to his face) but doesn’t not even refer to him as dad.

You would physically assault a 16 year old young man? Really? 😂

You can’t tan hides or arse smack unless you want to be arrested. A good talking to by his dad is what he needs.

Aaahhh, yes. Tell his parents to cancel the punishment OP.
He's a perfectly justifiable misogynist, as his dad married a young, gold-digging Swedish whore.
Jesus wept!

There's definitely something wrong with a man in his late 40s starting a relationship with someone in their early 20s whose brain and emotional maturity haven't even fully developed, but that's not the issue here.

I'd be very concerned about your teen DSS coming out with this incel-type stuff. If he'd been slagging off his dad, calling him a groomer, dirty old man etc, it would still be inappropriate but at least closer to the truth. The fact he's using abusive language about the OP shows he probably has a lot of other worrying views about women.

Hopefully you don't have children or grand-children yourself because you are beyond ridiculous, but it's easy to be behind a keyboard.

It isn't her fault no. Insults are not ok but you really have to look at the whole picture here.

Of course the 16yr son is furious with his older dad having a 29 yr old dp while his poor dm lives alone as she has 'less nicer things'. Seriously I can't believe the op can't see what a sea of resentment their set up has caused the ds.

He’s 16. If he chooses, he can go and live with his mum.

He hasn’t because he presumably doesn’t want to. But that doesn’t give him carte blanch to offend his step mother.