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AIBU?

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Original poster

Waterstones experience with disabled child

276 replies

Reasonswhy · 30/10/2025 23:35

My child has a regressive neurological condition that makes her enjoy things much younger than her
age (9). We went to Waterstones today after a difficult medical appointment for a nice treat. The shop was deserted so it was calm and pleasant and my daughter headed for her favourite section, the young children’s books. She was enjoying looking at them when a staff member came up and said loudly “you’re far
too old to be reading them” and my daughter’s face just fell. I was so shocked, I wear a sunflower lanyard to alert people to a hidden disability, but even if she hadn’t seen that, surely it’s not right to comment on what anyone chooses to read? We just left
as my daughter was upset and I didn’t want to add to that by taking on the ignorance of the staff member in front of her and explaining the condition, but I’m hurting for her as it was meant to be a nice treat after a horrible blood test snd she walked away feeling judged.

OP posts:
NattyKnitter116 · 30/10/2025 23:37

It’s probably worth contacting the store/head office to mention what happened and ask for the staff to be given some top up disability training as that’s frankly appalling behavior from the staff member. I’m impressed at your ability to walk away quietly, but I understand why you managed it. Don’t let it pass though.

cestlavielife · 30/10/2025 23:37

She was making conversation...practice saying : yes we know. She has a learning dissability and smile .
You wearing a lanyard wont help do you have one for her?

OnlyFangs · 30/10/2025 23:41

Yanbu.

Plus no one is ever too old to read a picture book!

DD is a very fashion conscious 11 year old but she loves snuggling up and looking at picture books

mzpq · 30/10/2025 23:41

Sounds like she was just doing her job as in not judging, but pointing out she's in the younger readers section.

Bit odd though, as I think most would've assumed she was buying a younger book as a gift, rather than for herself.

And that's if they thought anything at all.

Zapx · 30/10/2025 23:41

That’s really horrible. Definitely complain. Why people decide to interfere like that is beyond me - why say anything at all? A simple “is there anything I can help with” would do! Hope your daughter isn’t put off enjoying books OP.

Original poster
Reasonswhy · 30/10/2025 23:45

NattyKnitter116 · 30/10/2025 23:37

It’s probably worth contacting the store/head office to mention what happened and ask for the staff to be given some top up disability training as that’s frankly appalling behavior from the staff member. I’m impressed at your ability to walk away quietly, but I understand why you managed it. Don’t let it pass though.

That’s a good idea, thank you. I had to bite my
tongue so hard but I knew going into details of her hidden disability in front of my daughter would only make it worse (she hates attention on it) so had to walk away but😡

OP posts:
Original poster
Reasonswhy · 30/10/2025 23:47

cestlavielife · 30/10/2025 23:37

She was making conversation...practice saying : yes we know. She has a learning dissability and smile .
You wearing a lanyard wont help do you have one for her?

It didn’t feel at all like she was Making conversation, it felt
like she was making a judgement. Had it been “do you like reading? Can I help you find something?” then lovely, but “you’re too old for this” isn’t making nice conversation. When a child has a disability it is often the parent who wears the lanyard not the child, for many reasons including safety as is the case for my daughter, and my wearing it standing next to her should absolutely “help”.

OP posts:
Original poster
Reasonswhy · 30/10/2025 23:48

mzpq · 30/10/2025 23:41

Sounds like she was just doing her job as in not judging, but pointing out she's in the younger readers section.

Bit odd though, as I think most would've assumed she was buying a younger book as a gift, rather than for herself.

And that's if they thought anything at all.

I found it so odd too, I was totally taken aback. We were just quietly minding our own business happily.

OP posts:
mzpq · 30/10/2025 23:50

I've never heard of a parent wearing a lanyard on a child's behalf in my life, and I work for my local council who are shit hot on disability training?

Either way, you're right. She could've just offered her help or informed her other books are available etc.

Still odd that she didn't assume she was buying a gift though.

OriginalUsername2 · 30/10/2025 23:50

Rude and judgemental. I would complain too.

XenoBitch · 30/10/2025 23:51

YANBU
It makes no sense really. An adult could be looking at kids books or ones aimed at teens because they are looking for a gift for someone.
That staff member should have been encouraging your DD to find something she enjoys. That is basic customer service.

CherrieTomaties · 30/10/2025 23:52

cestlavielife · 30/10/2025 23:37

She was making conversation...practice saying : yes we know. She has a learning dissability and smile .
You wearing a lanyard wont help do you have one for her?

If the staff member wanted to “make conversation” with a child they shouldn’t be patronising or insulting.

Original poster
Reasonswhy · 30/10/2025 23:53

mzpq · 30/10/2025 23:50

I've never heard of a parent wearing a lanyard on a child's behalf in my life, and I work for my local council who are shit hot on disability training?

Either way, you're right. She could've just offered her help or informed her other books are available etc.

Still odd that she didn't assume she was buying a gift though.

Really? That’s interesting to hear, my daughter can’t have anything around her neck due to self harm issues and many of the children in her suppprt
setting can’t wear them for various reasons including sensory issues so their carer wears it next to them. Maybe different councils different practices 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
OnlyFangs · 30/10/2025 23:55

Reasonswhy · 30/10/2025 23:53

Really? That’s interesting to hear, my daughter can’t have anything around her neck due to self harm issues and many of the children in her suppprt
setting can’t wear them for various reasons including sensory issues so their carer wears it next to them. Maybe different councils different practices 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I don't like a lanyard round my neck, so I wear a silicon sunflower wristband instead.

I have the lanyard wrapped round my handbag strap at the bottom

I think it's quite reasonable for you to wear one for your daughter

I also think it was wildly stupid of the staff member to make that comment.

I worked in a library at 17 and would never have said anything so ignorant

Original poster
Reasonswhy · 30/10/2025 23:56

OnlyFangs · 30/10/2025 23:55

I don't like a lanyard round my neck, so I wear a silicon sunflower wristband instead.

I have the lanyard wrapped round my handbag strap at the bottom

I think it's quite reasonable for you to wear one for your daughter

I also think it was wildly stupid of the staff member to make that comment.

I worked in a library at 17 and would never have said anything so ignorant

Show quote history

This is so helpful, thank you.

OP posts:
SparklyCardigan · 30/10/2025 23:57

I would also assume that the person wearing the lanyard was the one with the hidden disability. It would never occur to me that a parent would wear one for their disabled child, so you can't really blame the member of staff for not picking up on that.

NoSoupForU · 30/10/2025 23:58

cestlavielife · 30/10/2025 23:37

She was making conversation...practice saying : yes we know. She has a learning dissability and smile .
You wearing a lanyard wont help do you have one for her?

Jesus fucking christ. No. The responsibility to educate people does not sit with the OP. The responsibility sits with Waterstones to train their staff adequately.

Even without having specific training, you'd have to be breathtakingly ignorant to think that comment would be appropriate or appreciated.

Original poster
Reasonswhy · 31/10/2025 00:00

SparklyCardigan · 30/10/2025 23:57

I would also assume that the person wearing the lanyard was the one with the hidden disability. It would never occur to me that a parent would wear one for their disabled child, so you can't really blame the member of staff for not picking up on that.

Then your assumption would be very
wrong, but now you know better so that’s good going forward.

OP posts:
OnlyFangs · 31/10/2025 00:00

SparklyCardigan · 30/10/2025 23:57

I would also assume that the person wearing the lanyard was the one with the hidden disability. It would never occur to me that a parent would wear one for their disabled child, so you can't really blame the member of staff for not picking up on that.

But the staff member didn't need any kind of warning in this case. It was a stupid thing to say. There's no such thing as the "right age" for a book anyway.
I read everything from dense literary classics to young adult fiction and children's books, depending what I feel like.

Hercisback1 · 31/10/2025 00:02

I've not heard of a parent wearing a lanyard for a child either, so perhaps the staff member didn't realise.

It sounds like a clumsy comment from the staff member, which has unintentionally caused offence.

I do think you should have said something at the time. I'm not a fan of complaining afterwards when you pretended everything was OK at the time. The staff member would have probably been mortified when they realised. People usually don't set out with bad intentions, they're just unaware or have a lot going on so don't notice subtle clues like lanyards.

Katemax82 · 31/10/2025 00:02

What a bitch! Definitely complain. It's none of her business what books your daughter likes!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/10/2025 00:02

You should have asked her if they had any books on manners, then suggested she read one!

dicdicnurse · 31/10/2025 00:03

I have to be honest, as a trained paediatric nurse I have never seen a parent wearing a lanyard on behalf of the child.
I’m spry you and your daughter had this experience, all books are for everyone. The joy of a book shop is in the smell of a fresh book.

Hercisback1 · 31/10/2025 00:03

Reasonswhy · 31/10/2025 00:00

Then your assumption would be very
wrong, but now you know better so that’s good going forward.

Show quote history

How are people supposed to know if the lanyard is for the adult or the child? Genuine question.

JFDIYOLO · 31/10/2025 00:03

Complain. As soon as possible. So sorry you had to experience that. Bookshops were a huge pleasure for me as a child, still are, and encouraging children to feel welcome and included is essential to help grow the love of reading.

Huge failure in training, leadership, comprehension, thinking ...