Waterstones experience with disabled child

[Reasonswhy]

My child has a regressive neurological condition that makes her enjoy things much younger than her
age (9). We went to Waterstones today after a difficult medical appointment for a nice treat. The shop was deserted so it was calm and pleasant and my daughter headed for her favourite section, the young children’s books. She was enjoying looking at them when a staff member came up and said loudly “you’re far
too old to be reading them” and my daughter’s face just fell. I was so shocked, I wear a sunflower lanyard to alert people to a hidden disability, but even if she hadn’t seen that, surely it’s not right to comment on what anyone chooses to read? We just left
as my daughter was upset and I didn’t want to add to that by taking on the ignorance of the staff member in front of her and explaining the condition, but I’m hurting for her as it was meant to be a nice treat after a horrible blood test snd she walked away feeling judged.

What an arsehole member of staff.

The sunflower lanyard is neither here nor there because even without it the staff member should not have said it. There are a million reasons a child may choose a book that is “too young” for them. Learning difficulties, disabilities, ND or even god forbid because it’s what they actually enjoy.

My 11 year old is a really strong reader, has read Lord of the rings for eg, however his absolute favourites are the comic book style Dog Man, Bunny vs Monkey etc. They are in the age 5-8 section in Waterstones. He can regularly be found browsing that section and if a staff member dared tell him he’s too old to be there they’d get a short shrift from me.

I’m old enough to be retired but I’d look through a Milly Molly Mandy book in a shop if I saw one. I might even buy it for nostalgia’s sake.

Let the kid wear the lanyard? She can’t, due to risk of self harm. Sunflower are clear that the parent can wear it for their child. And the lanyard is irrelevant- not the point at all.

It's not her job to be saying anything like that at all. The child wasn't behaving badly so the only thing the staff member should be doing is offering help.

I think you’ll need to both learn some resilience, they were only comments. Comment back and just crack on.

Yes we intended to buy the book. And she wasn’t playing with them, she was standing Gazing at them in amazement like she always does.

I can only hope you don’t work in SEN or any career where vulnerable people have feelings 🤞

What a vile thing to say. People don't need to be more resilient to cope with idiocy. The ones who say idiotic things need to engage their brains

Would you say the same if someone mocked a wheelchair user?

I know some people come to Mumsnet just to get their suppressed meanness out of their system but this really isn't the thread for that.

Quite. What next, popping over to someone a bit creative looking who is browsing the science section and gently steering them towards the poetry shelves?!

Honestly that was such a judgmental comment from the staff member. Anyone, child or adult, is free to read whichever type of book they please! (My children are now teenagers but still sometimes read their favourite books from when they were much younger). It does not sound like the staff member was trying to help, it sounds like she was being disparaging and critical.

As PPs have said, I think contacting the manager/ head office would be a good idea. I hope your daughter was ok and didn't take the comment to heart - easier said than done, I know.

I would raise it. Even if your child wasn't disabled how do they know they don't struggle to read? Are looking for someone else? Re buying a fav childhood book that got lost? Whatever. It was rude and unnecessarily judgy. I'm sure Waterstones wouldn't want this attitude from staff either.

what a horrible person so sorry you had to experience that.

If parents of send children had a quid for every time we heard that us or our children 'need to be more resilient' we'd all be rich. The irony being we're usually the most resilient people out there already!

I wear my sons as he has sensory issues, don’t think twice about wearing your daughters!

Jeez why does it matter? Just don't say anything rude or stupid and you'll be grand

I agree. This woman behaved in a totally appalling way and needs to be made aware of this.

I loved picture books as a child, and people often told me I was “too old” for them - what’s wrong with experiencing a story through pictures?!
My adult DD is severely dyslexic, and whenever she showed any interest in a book as a child I bought it, even if we couldn’t really afford it. I think if staff in Waterstones had said she was looking at books too young for her I would have been really cross. I’d certainly complain. I think I’d want to go back to the shop and complain face to face!
No book is too young for anybody, and it’s rude to suggest otherwise.

You are unreasonable to expect anyone to know that a sunflower lanyard means anything. Had no idea, and I won't remember it because there are SO MANY lanyards, days, colours, wristbands, badges. No, that's not "anything" it's just reality.

But the staff member was being nasty and should have said nothing at all.

I would complain, you don't want her getting away with treating other children badly.

Your ignorance is breathtaking. Where have you been living for the past 8 years or so - under a rock?

It did sadly really bring her down which is why I was so hurt on her behalf. She didn’t understand why she was being essentially told off and criticised for liking the books she always did prior to her neurological regression. Book shops have always been a haven in busy places when noise affects her and I have always found Watersones staff to be kind, passionate about books and a pleasure to talk to while by daughter browses (it’s a lonely life as a parent to a child sometimes) but they are so well versed in customer service and never approach me or my daughter unless I start a conversation first, hence why we go regularly and purchase lots of books. That’s why I was so shocked that our safe place suddenly didn’t feel like that anymore. I will write to head office, even just to hopefully have more training offered to this staff member so another child doesn’t have to go home feeling worse about themselves. Enough staring passersby take care of doing that already, sadly.

I think I would of launched into a rant that books aren’t for a specific age, and are meant to be enjoyed by all people of all ages & why are they working in a book shop trying to put people off buying a book.

i would complain to waterstones head office, name the shop & the assistant. They won’t want someone that pig headed working in their shop.

Yes do write to head office @Reasonswhy . its completely justified

All books are for everyone

There’s nothing wrong with a nine year old looking at and enjoying any books. Regardless of lanyards.

I’m not sure that’s fair! I have a lot of experience with disability (sibling) and experience of settings that are very inclusive. I have also not heard or seen of an adult wearing a lanyard on behalf of a child at all and would assume (without any negative judgement or connotations) you had a hidden disability 🤷🏻‍♀️

carers would usually be wearing a regular lanyard with a staff ID badge or some form of staff uniform so you need to consider that staff and others who understand the sunflowers lanyard assume you have a disability whether or not they also think your daughter has one.

all that aside though staff member was horrendously rude and ignorant and needs training!!