Waterstones experience with disabled child

[Reasonswhy]

My child has a regressive neurological condition that makes her enjoy things much younger than her
age (9). We went to Waterstones today after a difficult medical appointment for a nice treat. The shop was deserted so it was calm and pleasant and my daughter headed for her favourite section, the young children’s books. She was enjoying looking at them when a staff member came up and said loudly “you’re far
too old to be reading them” and my daughter’s face just fell. I was so shocked, I wear a sunflower lanyard to alert people to a hidden disability, but even if she hadn’t seen that, surely it’s not right to comment on what anyone chooses to read? We just left
as my daughter was upset and I didn’t want to add to that by taking on the ignorance of the staff member in front of her and explaining the condition, but I’m hurting for her as it was meant to be a nice treat after a horrible blood test snd she walked away feeling judged.

That’s what i thought. There was no need for her to say anything at all.
I’m sure it made her feel very important to say that.

What a silly attitude from the staff member. I'm in my 50s and still enjoy my favourite books from early childhood (Daniel Duck Moves House, anyone?). I hope your DD isn't put off reading by this.

I’m guessing you were in Silverburn (or Braehead) Waterstones by your description of the branch location!

Anyway , we can all think of the “perfect” response after the event so don’t worry about that. What’s more important is what you do now - how you speak about this with your daughter and contacting Waterstones.

Waterstones gets very busy at Christmas time, we don’t want that member of staff saying that to all the many more kids who will pass through there. So it has to be nipped in the bud. I don’t agree with pp who said it’s not worth taking this further.

I agree @Reasonswhy that it’s a good idea to flag this up with Waterstones. Even if it was ‘just’ a clumsy choice of words, the member of staff needs to be made aware of how important her words are. I honestly can’t think of any reason why she would have said what she did other than to pass some sort of judgement or dispense her unwelcome wisdom. Unfortunately you’re always at the mercy of who you ‘get’ in so many situations. My son has severe OCD, but also needs to have regular blood tests for a chronic condition. He doesn’t like being touched due to fear of contamination. I always try to discreetly explain what is needed. Very very small adjustments that take seconds and make the difference between him doing something normal afterwards and going for a burger (moments I live for right now) or being very distressed and wanting to go home and have a two hour shower. I do feel that some people aren’t naturally cut out for dealing with the public or reading certain situations and need to have their training reinforced.

I agree with you however people can’t play the guessing game. Just because it’s written on their website doesn’t make it common knowledge or the law. The sunflower website maybe needs to rethink their lanyard idea for those who can’t wear it. Your average joe blogs on the street will have no idea that it’s your child who’s disabled and not you. Few people on this thread had pointed this out already.
People in this country are very respectful of disabilities and pretty inclusive. Im sure the employee didn’t do this on purpose and she’s silly to point you to different section of books because for all she knows you might be buying gifts for someone else.
Your incident was an unintentional mistake that the employee made.

If your child was on reins aged 9, it must have been very obvious that she has a disability and the staff member was being a malicious cow.

I would complain, strongly. She was wrong to say it in any case (DS is also 9, NT and a good reader but just likes picture books for the visuals. He always wants to study the cover of chapter books, loves looking at art books, maps and diagrams etc). If she’d said it to DS I’d have snapped at her.

But the added visible disability tips this over into out and out ableism and needs stamping on from her manager or head office. She shouldn’t be working there if she can’t be civil to customers.

Lanyards are designed specifically so that it can’t cause harm. Some of our children at school like to wear them for many reasons - they are also prone to hurting themselves. As soon as a lanyard is pulled it snaps open.

Nasty, bossy, patronising.

Please do write to Waterstones. It's such an unpleasant way to behave towards customers, disabled or not. Basically the staff member told her off and quite rudely too. I would have felt upset at that age. But in any case, she could have been choosing a gift or something. Why the hell drive away customers with such nastiness.

I think it's lovely to see children enjoying books, any books! Should be encouraged not sneered at.

Just email the manager and tell them. Hopefully you'll get an apology and the staff will get proper training. My friend has a child with a fairly hidden disability and as she gets older the things people think they can say just blows my mind.
I don't use our Waterstones now as they employ a 20 something who rolls her eyes at every book she obvs disapproves of. Which seems to be all the stock.

That stops somebody being grabbed by the lanyard. It absolutely does not stop the lanyard being used as a garrotte, or the clasp being poked into eyes, or any number of other ways of injuring yourself and others with it.

I know a PP already said this, but, apart from anything else, it's terrible salesmanship. I might have said 'Oh, if you like those and want something a bit longer, try Bunny Vs Monkey or Investigators' (genuine recommendations btw) thus giving you the option for more books and more sales rather than putting someone off completely.

Sadly, exacult this. Due to her intrusive thoughts my daughter absolutely cannot have anything around her neck.

Haven't you? I worked on the front desk of a museum until recently and I saw parents and people accompanying adults wearing them (as well as people wearing the lanyard for themselves). Some people can't wear them for safety or sensory issues.

I’ve just had a look on the website and cannot find any reference to this - so it’s not as obvious as you might think. There is a supporter lanyard available for carers / helpers though. I will let my school know about these so we can buy some for when our staff take the children out of school!
https://hdsunflower.com/uk/shop/supporting-the-sunflower/lanyard-card-packs.html

Humiliating children for their reading ability level is not her job. It was unnecessary and cruel.

Yes it does. Do you honestly think the designers of a product used for people with disabilities, many of whom may be children, would not have made sure it was tested repeatedly to ensure it was safe to use?

Hope this helps😊

How did you know who the lanyard was for though? The whole point is that it signals a hidden disability - if it was obvious that someone other than the wearer had a disability, but it wasn’t obvious for the wearer, then the assumption surely is that the wearer is the one with the hidden disability.

I can assure you, no it does not.

Is that from the same website I linked? Could you post the link so I can share it at school.

What a bizarre comment to make!

There’s all sorts of reasons why someone would be looking in the picture book section: buying a gift for someone, their reading ability, having English as their second language, additional needs… to name but a few.

The sunflower lanyard is a red herring here. The comment shouldn’t have been made regardless.

Not unreasonable to be upset or even to say something to the shop in the form of feedback, but all of the people saying that you should complain and how awful the shop assistant was need to give their head a wobble and re-assess their expectations from life, as otherwise they are going to spend a lot of it disappointed (and also find that there is no one left who is willing to serve them in shops).

Definitely complain to the shop, the colleague needs to know that what she did is not ok. While I'm sure she didn't mean any harm, what she said was NOT ok.

Meanwhile, yes in covid, you could see 2 people: A wearing a mask and a lanyard, and B wearing neither, and figure out that A was wearing a mask for themselves and a lanyard for B.

Now the whole point of lanyard is you can't see that the person is disabled. If you can't see someone is disabled, then you can't know that the person WITH the lanyard wearer is disabled and the lanyard wearing is not, While it isn't wrong for you to wear the lanyard, it does not show anyone your daughter is disabled, either she wears it, or you need to realise it does not fulfil that purpose.

Sometimes people say stupid things. That isn't a huge failure in training or leadership.

The staff member made a stupid comment. The ideal thing would have been to tell them at the time "that's an unhelpful comment" - or OP could follow up now. It isn't a reason to judge the management of a chain that employs hundreds of people...

God forbid we should expect shop staff to not humiliate and embarrass children 🙄