Waterstones experience with disabled child

[Reasonswhy]

My child has a regressive neurological condition that makes her enjoy things much younger than her
age (9). We went to Waterstones today after a difficult medical appointment for a nice treat. The shop was deserted so it was calm and pleasant and my daughter headed for her favourite section, the young children’s books. She was enjoying looking at them when a staff member came up and said loudly “you’re far
too old to be reading them” and my daughter’s face just fell. I was so shocked, I wear a sunflower lanyard to alert people to a hidden disability, but even if she hadn’t seen that, surely it’s not right to comment on what anyone chooses to read? We just left
as my daughter was upset and I didn’t want to add to that by taking on the ignorance of the staff member in front of her and explaining the condition, but I’m hurting for her as it was meant to be a nice treat after a horrible blood test snd she walked away feeling judged.

I wear my daughters lanyard sometimes as some days she refuses, so does my DH. Completely normal OP
(They actually make ones now that say Im the Carer/Parent of a child with hidden disabilities on the sunflower website).

I literally will not be resilient to people being discriminatory.

We don’t have to accept it, and we definitely don’t need to “toughen up” to it. Doing that just excuses it happening.

I'm so glad to see your last update. I always find bookshops a real haven, and happy to hear your daughter enjoys them so much. 😍

I was going to say about the companion lanyard. We have one for whoever is accompanying an older family member, who has lifelong learning disabilities. She wears hers, but during Covid, we found it was helpful for whoever was taking her to an appointment, shopping, etc., to have the 'companion of XX' one; especially where there were settings where they were asking for only one person to attend, such as hospital appointments. She still keeps it, and asks us to wear it, even if we're going to Tesco, as I think it gives her some reassurance. Although you can pretty much immediately tell she has learning disabilities (there are facial, and voice, prompts), it's helpful in some settings.

So, really just to reinforce the OPs stance to wear the lanyard to indicate she's with someone (in her case, a child), who might need some additional support.
Good luck, going forward.

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to you all. It’s been a reall
hard time recently for her health and I’ve felt so isolated. Without it meaning to be, this has been a wee safe haven of people who get it, understand and have heleped
me to find a resolution that will help not only my daughter but other kids and adults with disabilities too. Thank you kind souls.

She sounds lovely, this really made me smile and is exactly how I feel about books too!

Not sure why you are getting so much stick about the sunflower lanyard, I worker in SEN for 10 years and always had mine on as the children I worked with wouldn't have worn them.

I wouldn’t word it as a complaint as such. Just offer them a learning opportunity. They need to up their game re disability awareness.

Thank you 🥹she is lovely. It’s hard because she’s very different to how she used to be before developing her condition so it’s been a hard process, but now I’m learning to see the joy she finds in things that are familiar to her when she was younger. My life is much slower paced, smaller, harder, but filled with very special moments.

Ps I love books too 😊

I agree she does sound lovely and thinking of her standing looking amazed at the books made me feel a bit teary for some reason.

I am glad you spoke up and managed to resolve this, OP.

YANBU. It was inappropriate and insensitive for her to say what she did to any child, regardless of whether there was a disability or not.

To have approached and asked what her favourite book was, why she liked it, and gently suggested other she may also like, would have been more appropriate.

I am so pleased that your complaint was received so well! I hope that you and DD both continue to find joy in reading.

I'm so glad you got a good resolution, and so sad you both had to go through this in the first place.

This thread has made me think I should reread (again!) Joan Aitken's Arabel's raven series. Written for kids; still loved by this adult! Anyone thinking books have an age limit really needs to have a word with themselves!

No point moaning about it on MN. Nothing is going to change. You need to correct and educate the staff.

No point moaning about it on MN. Nothing is going to change. You need to correct and educate the staff.

This is so kind, thank you X

Did you not read the update?

Also I think these kinds of posts on Mumsnet are hugely worthwhile actually. It's posts like this which are Mumsnet at it's best because we see the world through other people's eyes and learn to reflect on how we interact with them

I had a similar experience in Waterstones and complained to the manager. I received a very apologetic email back.

I went to use the Waterstones toilets- another lady and I were struggling to put the code in. We hadn't spotted a sign on the door and the assistant came up very snottily 'if you're in a bookshop you are meant to be able to read. Use your brains'.

What he hadn't spotted was I was wearing a sunflower lanyard due to a visual impairment.

I had a similar experience in Waterstones and complained to the manager. I received a very apologetic email back.

I went to use the Waterstones toilets- another lady and I were struggling to put the code in. We hadn't spotted a sign on the door and the assistant came up very snottily 'if you're in a bookshop you are meant to be able to read. Use your brains'.

What he hadn't spotted was I was wearing a sunflower lanyard due to a visual impairment.

Oh that's awful!!!

Librarian here - it doesn’t matter if your daughter has a disability or not - if she’s enjoying the picture books why on earth just not let her enjoy them? Books are books! There is a lot of competitiveness with children’s reading that long term won’t foster a love of reading and books.

Oh that is so awful 😔I’m so sorry you experienced this

You really have to wonder what goes through some people’s heads. Why on earth does anyone who speaks to people like that, regardless of disability, choose to work in a customer facing job?! I just cannot understand the thought process that would lead to someone saying something like that to anyone, it’s baffling! I’m so sorry you were treated like that

This is a great outcome and well done you, I think you did everything right in this situation.

my daughter is dyslexic (so no lanyard or anything for all the lanyard police out there), and often reads books that would be for younger readers. I am always happy she wants to read at all so I encourage any reading. She is 12 and would have been very embarrassed by the staff members ‘helpful’ comments. So I agree disability or no disability books are to be enjoyed by all and it’s up to the reader what level or genre they read.

i wouldn’t imagine the assistant meant any harm but I most certainly would have been the same as you and upset on my child’s behalf that they felt judged.

I'm so sick of the 'only on minimum wage' excuse. It's so condescending. Having worked in many 'minimum wage' jobs (my first at £2.95 an hour in 2004!) it doesn't mean you're an idiot who can't be expected to a) have more than one braincell/any common sense b) take any pride in performing your job well.

Also no idea why so many posters went off on a tangent about who was wearing the sodding lanyard. At the end of the day even if the staff member made the assumption that it was OP who had additional needs, that doesn't make the interaction any better!

What a great outcome for all. A conversation with the manager has proved much more effective here than a letter or email to head office as it seems like some real learning has taken place