Waterstones experience with disabled child

[Reasonswhy]

My child has a regressive neurological condition that makes her enjoy things much younger than her
age (9). We went to Waterstones today after a difficult medical appointment for a nice treat. The shop was deserted so it was calm and pleasant and my daughter headed for her favourite section, the young children’s books. She was enjoying looking at them when a staff member came up and said loudly “you’re far
too old to be reading them” and my daughter’s face just fell. I was so shocked, I wear a sunflower lanyard to alert people to a hidden disability, but even if she hadn’t seen that, surely it’s not right to comment on what anyone chooses to read? We just left
as my daughter was upset and I didn’t want to add to that by taking on the ignorance of the staff member in front of her and explaining the condition, but I’m hurting for her as it was meant to be a nice treat after a horrible blood test snd she walked away feeling judged.

Sorry this happened OP. I work in the library and I would never dream of saying anything like this, and in fact cringe when I hear parents telling their children they can have a book because it’s too young for them.

Reading is important and I would always encourage children to read whatever they like. I would definitely mention it in a email to them.

Sounds like she was just doing her job as in not judging, but pointing out she's in the younger readers section.

Doing her job? The job of a Waterstones assistant is to serve customers who want to buy books, answer questions if asked, and busy themselves with setting up appealing book displays, not to wander round policing people’s browsing behaviour, like some censorious security guard.

There’s no excuse for the staff member, she was rude.

It’s ok that you didn’t feel the need to disclose your daughter’s medical history to her. Hidden disabilities are everywhere these days and there’s no excuse.

I agree with the suggestion to write to the head office to request further training.

Yes, the staff was clumpsy and wrong. But....She is employed on a minimum wage with minimal training.Sometimes I think we don't have much tolerance for each other these days.Speak up in the situation. Step up and explain. Educate.I have experienced it a couple of times that my children have been pointed towards the section with books for their age instead of younger kids' traveling in my native country.In that situation I have answered "yes, thank you, but we are multilingual family and this is the childrens' second/third language so can you recommend us something fun to read?'. We have received an "oh, sorry, yes of course" and the staff has (perhaps) learned something about different needs and customer service - instead of all complaining afterward. I don't think staff around intend to be rude against children and parents bit sometimes get it wrong (don'twe all). And please let the kid wear the lanyard.

OP please contact the head office about this or at least the store manager. If it happened recently I suspect it’s a member of the Christmas temp staff team that have been recently hired and aren’t taking this too seriously. I struggle to believe she thought that was good customer service or a kind thing to say to a random kid.

I’m a former educator, have briefly worked in a bookshop and am now a traditionally published children’s author. Also happen to be ND.

I would never have said that to any child I worked with in schools or a customer. It’s very unusual for a bookseller to say that.

Firstly, picture books can be read by anyone including adults . The lanyard issue is neither here nor there. Yes that may make it worse but it was wrong of her to say irrespective of what disabilities or ND your child has and what age she is . Secondly, if she did want to steer your daughter to middle grade (8-12) books she could’ve said more subtly “ do you need a hand looking for new reads? If you tell me what books you already like I can give some suggestions. Or are you happy just to browse yourself? ” And finally - as others have said - it could easily have been a gift she was looking at for a younger family member.

When I was a kid I was encouraged just to read widely. As a 10 year old I was happy to read Goosebumps one day, Roald Dahl another day and George Elliot the next day! I was an avid reader and obviously pursued my dreams of writing as an adult.

Nowadays too many adults are trying to micromanage exactly what children read. Yes some texts are inappropriate for kids such as some (but not all) books aimed at older teens or adults. And steering kids to read certain books to challenge them or whatever is fine, but when you’re shaming a kid for their book choices being “too young” it’s unhelpful .

Especially when that child is a stranger and you don’t know their reading ability, if they even like reading books or what’s going on in their life. Sometimes when older kids lose a close relative or their parents get divorced for example , it’s picture books on those issues that are used to try and help them rather than them wading through a longer book for older kids that doesn’t address the issue as directly or quickly.

Odd behaviour from the staff!

I’m in my 20s and recently bought a collection of Shakespeare from the kid’s section along with board games…spoke to staff to find the exact ones I saw online and clearly indicated the items are for me. They didn’t bat an eyelid.

In fact, how would the staff know that you both were not browsing the kid’s books as a gift for someone else, especially in the run up to Christmas?

It just very much seems like an odd approach for the staff member that goes against what Waterstones is. They sell loads of things coded towards kids that adults enjoy, like gaming franchises, manga, colouring books, board games, puzzles etc. They’d be cutting off most of their audience if they were basing it on being age appropriate, and that’s before considering any disabilities.

Some oddly snarky comments in this thread.

I think you should definitely contact Waterstones and advise them that this particular staff member would benefit from some staff training on how to deal with customers with disabilities. And how to approach young children.

I'm so sorry that this experience spoiled your daughter's treat.
xx

To be fair I don’t think this is taught to retail staff as standard across the board - people are probably made aware of a sunflower lanyard or a badge that indicates similar, but definitely not to the depth of being taught about all 3 different types of sunflower lanyard. It’s probably just brushed over in general customer service training ie “be nice to everyone by default, people with a lanyard might want extra support”.

I'd complain. This person has fundamentally misunderstood their job is to sell people books they want to buy, not to judge them for what they choose.

Sometimes as a parent with a disabled child, you just want to go about your day without having to 'educate' people and that is perfectly reasonable.

You also don't need any training to understand that if a 9 year old child is on reins then they likely have some kind of disability. Not all children tolerate wearing lanyards.

Honestly, books are for enjoyment. People shouldn’t have to wear lanyards or have their disability tattooed on their foreheads.You should have said “Don’t speak to my child like that! You should be encouraging kids to enjoy reading, not snapping at customers!”
(It’s a sore point for me as I have very recently been given a parking permit as I have severe heart failure. I have been yelled at twice already for using it. I’m going out to feel “normal” while I still can. I don’t want to tell everyone my business.)

We're blaming the member of staff for being judgy and inappropriate regardlless of any disability. Poor customer service at best.

If she's on reins at 9 years old then I think it's obvious that she's in the right section. Maybe the assistant was trying to make her feel her age?

Staff member is nuts. It’s her job to sell books, not discourage people from their choice!

Lanyard or not, training or not, anyone with an once of common sense would not say that. Maybe a brain- fart moment or someone that speaks their mind with zero filter.

*ounce

I wear a lanyard on my son’s behalf as he is autistic and hates the feel of the material around his neck. It’s not unusual.

OP, I too would be upset. The wording feels judgmental.

It’s very common. Children don’t want to be viewed as different or can’t deal with the sensory experience of a lanyard.

My 9 year old nephew is always flicking through my 2 year olds books when he visits. Young kids books are fun, they have big bright eye catching illustrations and are often interactive. It’s insane that anyone working in a book shop should question what any patron is reading.

We went to Waterstones today for a nice treat. The shop was deserted so it was calm and pleasant and my daughter headed for her favourite section, the young children’s books.

Completely missing the point, but did you intend to buy a book or just sit while your daughter plays with the books? If the latter, I think you need a library for your post-hospital treat, not a book shop.

I love a good browse but when I buy (for adults or kids) I want a new book, not one that's been played with. That's not browsing.

@Reasonswhy insisting that the lanyard should have alerted her is a complete red herring. This isn’t the norm and no one would make the assumption that it related to your child.

Yes the staff member was trying to make conversation and didn’t intend to cause upset, but her comments were inappropriate and additional training for all staff is needed. I don’t think you’re upset because of what she said but because of the implied judgement and the fact your daughter was upset.

It would have been much more useful if you’d mentioned something at the time, but a letter to the manager of that particular store would have most chance of affecting the way staff interact in future.

Why would you suggest this?

It's obvious to anyone reading the thread that OP was intending to buy a book.

Anyway, I'm sorry your daughter experienced this OP. It was a very rude and judgemental thing to say to anyone but especially a child. Children are sensitive and your daughter not wanting to have her differences pointed out must have felt very hurt.

YANBU. She was rude and there was no need to be. I only started reading for pleasure when I was 16 and chose books that were meant for a younger audience too. I would have been embarrassed if a staff member had judged me when I was buying those books.

Email their head office and complain OP. I worked for waterstones when I was young and it was absolutely none of my business regarding the books people were looking at - i wouldn't of dreamt of commenting on what section/books people were browsing. They do require a high standard from their booksellers, and I do think you would get a reply with resolving this with more training and an apology.

This is such a patronising comment. That’s not making conversation! Making conversation would be “what’s your favourite book?” Or “is there anything in particular you’re looking for?”. Disabled people should not have to put up with this behaviour.