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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL, DD and Money

272 replies

Cookies31 · 30/10/2025 09:19

MIL gives DD Money for birthdays and other celebrations usually a small amount which DD spends all on sweets and mostly just loses it. She keeps under her pillow and doesn’t let me move it, once or twice it’s gone missing when cousins are around! She goes hysterical when I try to move it so I just leave it. This year MIL has given her birthday money and Xmas money together and it’s a ridiculous amount - £120!!! DD has had it for 2 weeks and no intention of spending just wants to keep under pillow again. I’ve suggested we put into her savings account but she started screaming and me telling me she knows what she wants to go with it. All half term I’ve taken her shopping but she wants to use my money rather than her money that’s sitting under pillow. We’re not exactly rich and £120 is a lot we could do but I’m letting her decide what to do . Tomorrow is Halloween and friends and family are coming over , I’ve asked her to move to a safer place rather than under pillow but she’s having a tantrum again, I don’t know what to do, she could spend it on things she really needs or put in the bank to keep safe but she’s not listening, we’re going Halloween shopping now and she’s not going to use her money on a costume so I’ll have to fork out even though I’m overdrawn. If she puts in the bank we know it’s safe and she can spend on things that she really wants at a later time. She’s 9 years old.she has a savings account with about £5 in at the moment.

OP posts:
Kellogs4 · 30/10/2025 09:32

Speak with your MIL and tell her to stop this. Does your DD have a money box? I would put it in a money box where she came see it.

This sounds unusual tbh what's your DD usually like OP?

MissyB1 · 30/10/2025 09:34

Feel free to do some parenting OP.

No5ChalksRoad · 30/10/2025 09:36

Never mind the money; why is she tantrumming and going hysterical so often?

LadyDanburysHat · 30/10/2025 09:37

Redshoeblueshoe · 30/10/2025 09:23

You are the parent.
Act like one

Just this!

Original poster
Cookies31 · 30/10/2025 09:37

Omg! I thought mumsnet would give me some creative ways rather than just “be a parent”. I’ve taken it off her btw. There’s still screaming happening as I’m writing this but thank you for stating the obvious.

OP posts:
QuickPeachPoet · 30/10/2025 09:37

Yet another parent terrified of their pre teen child

How long will it be before someone comes up with 'oh is she ND?'.
She is way too old to be screaming an Halloween would be cancelled if she tried that in our house.

MrsPrendergast · 30/10/2025 09:37

OP, did you not get the memo telling you that you're in charge? Let your child tantrum all she wants. The money goes in the bank with a little kept back for the Halloween costume

Please stop being pathetic

LadyDanburysHat · 30/10/2025 09:37

Sometimes you don;t need creative, you just need to be the parent and let them tantrum

Limer · 30/10/2025 09:38

Take the money with you when you go shopping with her today She can then choose and pay for her own costume. Then pay the rest into her savings account, and explain about interest to her. Doesn't she want that free money?

"She goes hysterical and so I just leave it" - FFS grow a backbone and start doing some real parenting.

FrenchandSaunders · 30/10/2025 09:38

Blimey OP, just tell her she won't have a halloween costume if she doesn't use her own money.

APatternGrammar · 30/10/2025 09:39

She gets one chance to put it somewhere safe, then you take it. If my kids were given a large amount, they know they can keep max. ten quid and the rest goes in the bank. (They can spend whatever is in the bank account, but I’m not having money lying about the house after a couple of conflicts about which child it belongs to, plus catching a neighbour’s child trying to take a tenner.)

GarlicBreadStan · 30/10/2025 09:39

Cookies31 · 30/10/2025 09:37

Omg! I thought mumsnet would give me some creative ways rather than just “be a parent”. I’ve taken it off her btw. There’s still screaming happening as I’m writing this but thank you for stating the obvious.

Then let her scream. How are you supposed to be creative with not letting her have money? Just don't let her have it. Simple.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/10/2025 09:39

What do you mean by creative? You’ve had plenty of helpful suggestions.

childofthe607080s · 30/10/2025 09:39

The only thing you buy perhaps is a money box

you don’t go into debt for none essentials

but she can scream and shout and tantrum all she likes - if you think it’s not safe leaving the money under the pillion you put it somewhere else

a child screaming and shouting isn’t being abused

a child who isn’t taught to look after money and a child who is taught to tantrum to get their own way - well that’s pretty shit parenting

ediy - by creative do you mean manipulative?

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 30/10/2025 09:40

Set her up a Childrens Monzo account put it in there, does she have a phone or a tablet where you could download the app then she can physically see the money?

Or a gohenry account but you have to pay a monthly fee for that

Failing that, get her a little lock box with a key, like a little cashiers box, you can get them for a few quid

ThejoyofNC · 30/10/2025 09:40

Glad to see you've actually taken it off her. But why should she have to buy her own Halloween costume with her birthday and Christmas money at 9 years old?

Istanbol · 30/10/2025 09:40

Unfortunately there are no creative ways to avoid this. By having firm, clear boundaries you will find children tantrum and protest less. I suspect your DD has learnt if she makes a fuss she will get her own way.

Keroppi · 30/10/2025 09:41

Just put it in her bank and give her a card like a go henry account etc.
She can't just keep it under her pillow! At least in a piggyback that looks like a safe or ATM that counts the amount etc. Get one ASAP
And if she won't spend it you say tough if she wants sweets or treats she has to spend her own money.
Perhaps you need to implement pocket money for chores or something

ThejoyofNC · 30/10/2025 09:41

FrenchandSaunders · 30/10/2025 09:38

Blimey OP, just tell her she won't have a halloween costume if she doesn't use her own money.

Are you serious?

ComfortFoodCafe · 30/10/2025 09:41

Sit her down and go make a go henry account with her or a bank account and show her this is where your money will go. She could buy herself a nice purse to put her card in and she can keep that under her pillow.

& tell your mother in law, no more bloody cash!

AhBiscuits · 30/10/2025 09:41

You're the parent. You take it off her and put it somewhere safe. She'll tantrum. So what?!
Maybe buy a nice money box that you can put somewhere safe.

MrsPrendergast · 30/10/2025 09:42

Cookies31 · 30/10/2025 09:37

Omg! I thought mumsnet would give me some creative ways rather than just “be a parent”. I’ve taken it off her btw. There’s still screaming happening as I’m writing this but thank you for stating the obvious.

What else can we say other than "parent your child"

What did you expect? What creative ways are there to stop being frightened of a spoilt 9 year old.....apart from 'grow a pair'

latetothefisting · 30/10/2025 09:42

I dont want to join in the pile on but seriously!!! Read it back yourself.
"she wants to use my money rather than her money" of course she does! Most people would rather get something for free than pay for it! It's your job as a parent to say no, otherwise the moment she turns 18 she'll end up getting a credit card and going into debt.

You must understand its ridiculous for you to go into your overdraft for a Halloween costume while your 9 year old gradually loses £120 down the side of her bed or out of her pocket.

Get a grip! Stop being her friend and be her parent. Get her a money box so at least the notes are secure and she can keep them in her room and a "grown up" purse or something so she can take £10 or £20 out at a time if she wants to buy something.

childofthe607080s · 30/10/2025 09:42

ThejoyofNC · 30/10/2025 09:40

Glad to see you've actually taken it off her. But why should she have to buy her own Halloween costume with her birthday and Christmas money at 9 years old?

Because it’s not essential and OP is broke?

OP could volunteer to help make a costume

Coffeeishot · 30/10/2025 09:42

Cookies31 · 30/10/2025 09:37

Omg! I thought mumsnet would give me some creative ways rather than just “be a parent”. I’ve taken it off her btw. There’s still screaming happening as I’m writing this but thank you for stating the obvious.

Does she normally tantrum about things or just the money ? Getting angry at others is you feeling out of your depth imo, you don't need any suggestions about being creative you need to try and work out a better way of dealing with this situation and you have had perfectly reasonable suggestions and advice. To help you parent her.