To think that “fatphobia” is sometimes just discomfort with the truth about health?

[MeasuredOnyxSwan]

Not always but sometimes. We’ve turned every health comment into oppression. When did personal responsibility become offensive?

What trans debate? And i dont understand how being kind or saying something kind infringes on your own happiness?

It doesn’t in general terms, but I gave a specific example regarding the debate whereby many women didn’t want transwomen having access to their safe space, such as changing rooms, toilets and jails and quite right. The whole ‘be kind’ rhetoric or toxic positivity would say it’s not being kind of biological women to say they don’t want to share with transwomen etc….

They wanted women to feed in to an ideology that they didn’t believe in (neither did 95% of the population, that you could change sex) so my point is that you don’t have to agree with a concept just to be seen to be kind or if you challenge an idea or concept you’re somehow being unkind….

Because thats toxic apparently.

I see what you are getting at but I dont think being overweight can be compared to a bizarre lifestyle choice of pretending to change gender.

Can you offer practical help
Can you offer to pay for weight loss surgery or weight loss injections,or pay for a gym membership or a food delivery diet service.
When you get so big it effects mobility,it's to hard to do it alone ,you need help .
Do they meet the criteria for any help on NHS .
Talk is cheap ,and nothing you can say they won't of already thought of a million times .
If you can't offer practical help ,say nothing and accept them as they are .
If someone had offered me any of the practical help above ,I'd of been eternally greatful

I’m not comparing the two, I’m just illustrating how ‘always being kind regardless’ is also problematic. That’s not to say I think it’s ok for people to purposely be unkind and be rude to people who are obese etc and having to endure people shouting at them in the steet, that’s absolutely disgusting behaviour and not what I’m talking about.

I mean for example, whether it’s ok for a health professional to tell a patient they need to lose weight etc or whether they shouldn’t say that, incase the patient is upset, then that’s going too far the other way.

@Pugslug Tbh, I’m not sure they’d need help paying for these things, they work from home in a well-paid job.

I’m not planning to say anything as I’m not especially close to them and it would be overstepping. WLI could be a good option if someone was willing to suggest them.

I was giving an example of when a situation becomes serious and no one knows what to do for fear of upsetting the person-but if they were an alcoholic or drug addict, people probably would be more willing to intervene. Eating/food disorders can also be very serious though.😕. I don’t think that’s being fatphobic to acknowledge that.

Why didn't you read what I posted. I haven't stopped taking anything.

And can I just say fat people are told to put down the fork/ lay off the cakes etc all the time to the extent some people are afraid to eat in public in case some random shouts something at them.

I used to have the worst diet in my 20s and would hoover up all the cakes and sweet treats anyone brought into the office, or at a party etc. But as I was size 8 people would cheer me on and say how envious they were at how much I could eat and stay slim. It was still unhealthy though!

Fast forward a decade and I was overweight as a result of going from 15k steps daily to almost sedentary, sleep deprivation which led to sugar and fat cravings and ordering out too much - and suddenly had all sorts advising me on what to eat and making digs.

I remember getting something from the vending machine in the office and one colleague said “do you know how many calories are in those crisps? I wouldn’t eat that” I doubt she would have said that to the slim woman sat next to me.

I’ve lost the weight again but I’m still a bit salty about how some people including friends made those kind of remarks when I was overweight. They weren’t helpful. I promise you they didn’t motivate me to lose weight or eat well.

Yes i totally agree re a doctor/patient scenario

I meant plural impersonal you. “One” isn’t widely used these days. You said the weight would probably return if users stopped taking the medication. I agree. I was pointing out that aside from the reasons PP have pointed out, such as experiencing bad side effects or being unable to continue financially, people (you/one) don’t have to stop.

Most people on Mounjaro are opting for maintenance doses once they reach their goal weight.

Not criticising a person is toxic? How? Are you sure you read my post correctly?

It's nice you care
But I'd of been mortified if someone sat me down to tell me they were worried about my weight.
My mum actually got me on the scales when I was about 16 and went and filled two suitcases with the extra weight she said I was carrying..and made me hold them ..
Stupid me , actually thought at first she was taking me on holiday.
Every embarrassment just compounds the problem

@Pugslug Yep, that’s the problem. I honestly think that she’ll die in the next 10-15 years if something doesn’t change though and she’s only late 40’s. 😕

People die from all sorts of reasons..being fat will contribute to problems..but you can't die from being fat ...you can die from a health issue made worse by being fat ...but fat on its own with no other issues can't kill you ,
If this person has other health issues,then maybe loosing weight will help them.
I needed the help from monjroro to loose weight..I couldn't of done it on my own ..but the information on weight loss injections are everywhere,this relative will of already looked at them ..it took me a year thinking about it and really thinking if I was ready to give up my old habits and completely change my lifestyle.
The jabs definitely help .but they don't do the work for you ..you can't carry on eating as you were and loose weight on them you have to be committed to big changes ...and maybe your relative is not ready to take that step yet

I don’t like the word “fatphobic”……it feels like an icky way to cop out of calling people who comment on other people’s bodies what they really are: Cunts 🤷🏻‍♀️🫠

And when it’s dressed up as “concerned about people’s health”…..fuck all the way off. No you’re not concerned about their health. Not in the slightest. Because skinny doesn’t = healthy. Not by a long shot.

I’ve been skinny my whole life. At various points in my life I’ve been worryingly underweight. I’ve smoked since I was 14. I drink alcohol regularly. My diet leaves much room for improvement. I don’t exercise anywhere near as much as I should……but because I fit into a pair of size 6 jeans all that is ok 🫠🤨
I used to attend a spin class before we moved. There were women in that class who weighed significantly more than I do, and yet they were smashing through the class, barely breaking a sweat, smiles on their faces having a great time. And there was me: huffing and puffing, dripping with sweat, wondering if death would be preferable to finishing the class. Those women would run circles around me when it comes to cardiovascular fitness…..but we don’t talk about that because skinny is more aesthetically pleasing to society 🤨🤨👍🏻

@Pugslug Yes, that’s what I meant, increasing health issues. Gallstones and sleep apnea so far, now knee problems affecting mobility. I hope she does consider WLI, because they could make a difference and make knee replacement surgery less risky.

Gallstones are actually caused by rapidly loosing weight ,so weight loss injections and weight loss surgery are often linked to them ...but only in so much that rapid weight loses causes them .
I really hope your relative manages to get some help from somewhere..for most people it's the cost of weight loss injections that put people off ,your relative doesn't have that issue you say ,so maybe he is already on them and will surprise you with a nice weight loss when you next catch up x

@Pugslug Well, she was told that her weight was a factor in the gallstones and advised to work on it, but that was five years ago. We’ll see, I hope her health improves.

Spot on. Couldn’t agree more. There’s slim people coming out the gym wheezing and heading straight to have a fag. They are going to the gym because they are body/looks conscious not health conscious. Slim does not equal fit.

Not necessarily talking about morbiidly obese but some people are on the heavier side and are very fit. My best friend in high school was on the British swimming team. Had a higher BMI, broad shoulders and quite stocky but she was one of the fittest and healthiest in our school.

My DH is one of those people.

Hes a giant 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 6ft 4, and around 280lbs…..BUT he’s on the treadmill every day when he gets home from work, running sprint intervals, he got a full ride scholarship to one of the top universities in his state for football, was part of a state championship basketball team, and before he got into the job he does now, he was a firefighter.
He's a big lad, but he’s in great shape fitness-wise!

Gallstones are associated with the four Fs
Fat
Female
Fertile
Forties

Obvously not in all cases, someone I knew in their 60s, never had kids, thin as a rake had it. And some men of course too

But generally speaking being overweight is a huge factor in developing gallstones

When people lose weight quickly, they have even more fat going through their system as the body loses and processes the use of deposits in a calorie deficit, so this speeds up any propensity already there.

I agree that that's different. I am probably going to have to have this conversation with my DH soon as his weight is going to shorten his life if he doesn't make changes now, and he's had to have it with his adult DD recently, who is morbidly obese. Where there is genuine deep worry for a person one is close enough to, I wouldn't label it criticism.

However, there is a lot of disingenuity around this imo when people try to play the 'I'm just worried' card around people they are less close to. (I'm thinking of things like unsolicited dieting or fitness advice here, delivered by people who aren't close enough to someone to have any right to comment.) So often in that scenario the person really just wants to have a dig, in my experience anyway.

Yes..that is correct..but I was only talking in relation to weight loss injections
..I misunderstood the person I was quoting..I didn't read it properly,.I missed that they already had gallstones ..
Thankyou for clarification

100% your mum sounds lile she went to the same 'fat shaming your kids' school as my Dad.