To not choose lunch based on husbands sexual expectations.

[RiseOfTheTeenyTinies]

this might turn out long so I don’t drip feed but my actual question is this -
Am I being unreasonable to eat garlic bread at lunch time knowing that we have a rare empty house that night and there is an expectation of sex. However I know that eating garlic bread will then mean no sex .

I don’t want to drip feed so will give as much context as I can. I chose the garlic bread because at lunch time my thought process extends as far as what is on the menu and do I fancy it. At that point I am not thinking oh better not, DH won’t kiss me if I eat this now and therefore I won’t want to have sex. DH thinks that I should think of this when choosing lunch.

Extra context - when we eat together we have a very plain diet with lots of ingredients that we can’t use. DH has a skin condition that is triggered by lots of foods and I accommodate this without complaint, as he accommodates my lactose intolerance. This is not a problem for either of us because it can’t be helped. However he doesn’t like me to use garlic in anything because “he doesn’t like it” but he is happy to eat garlic bread. That pissed me off, either you like garlic or you don’t!

There are certain foods that I enjoy that DH hates, and if I eat this foods he refuses affection because he is sensitive to the smell, this has lasted up to 3 days but usually is for the rest of the day of eating and the following day. These foods include anything with garlic, anything with lots of spice or raw onion. He says he can smell these things on my breathe even after multiple tooth brushings and chewing gum and eating rennies.

I usually just eat what I like and we don’t have sex for however long it takes him to get over it. He complains but I pretty much ignore it. I limit what I eat when we eat together already, I am not limiting it further.

However last night we had a rare empty house. DH has raised the fact that our sex life has declined recently (my drive is diminished because of medication I am on) so we have gone from 5 times a week down to 2 or 3 but those times I don’t always finish and some of the time I will just sort him out.

So given that I know he’s worried about our sex life I knew that there would be an expectation of sex given the empty house (I was on board with this btw, I do miss our old sex life) so he thinks I was unreasonable to eat the garlic bread.

I couldn't live with that. I love garlic! Would he actually even know if you just brushed your teeth?

He's hardly being forced into a sexless marriage, if you're still doing it 2/3 times a week. I wouldn't put up with him controlling my diet just so he could get his rocks off.

YABU to stay with this tool. 2-3 times a week isn’t a hardship, it’s loads for anyone over 21, and 5 a week is unsustainable long term. He’s either not making any effort to get you off or you feel pressured into doing it when you’re not into it for why you’re not finishing. Why do you keep putting yourself through this and why even consider letting him dictate what you eat like this? Eating rennies (indigestion medication) to get rid of the smell ffs. Stop being a people pleaser and bin this controlling bloke.

He is doing pretty well with 2/3 times a week I say 😂

Wow OP. There is nothing wrong with your sex life if you are doing it 2 or 3 times a week!
I’d hate there to be an expectation of sex and I’d hate to have to worry about eating garlic bread. In fact I’d probably eat more of it to keep the sex pest away from me! I’m sorry but it’s a LTB from me.

Unless he's a vampire I can't see any reason why you couldn't still have sex. Does he have a reflection in a mirror?

No sex if you eat garlic bread!! That is weird controlling behaviour from him. I couldn't be doing with it.

YANBU. I wouldn’t control what my husband ate and neither would he me. Not would what I ate have any bearing on whether or not he wanted to have sex with me. You should be able to go out for a meal and enjoy the meal not thinking about the consequences of what you are eating will
have on your sex life.

I’d probably eat more of it to keep the sex pest away

Me too.

Garlic bread has garlic butter which has lactose in it so I'm a tad confused here.

In today's episode of Why I love being single: eating garlic with reckless abandon.

I was very intolerant to garlic for a long time and never ate it and it’s literally in everything! I could really smell it on people and found the smell nauseating. I slowly introduced it again after many years and feel much better now and smell it on people as much.

I do get a bit irritated with my partner if he eats a massive curry for lunch though, knowing we’re having sex later that evening. Sometimes the smell puts me off and I don’t want to do it.

Enjoy your garlic bread and tell him to have a wank. That’s how I’d deal with this anyway if my own husband was such a bellend.

You should test that supposedly really sensitive nose of his because it sounds like he’s just really controlling.
Tell him you’ve had garlic one day (when you haven’t) and see how long he claims to be able to smell it on you.
I bet he’s making it up.

Most garlic bread is vegan these days so you might need to adjust your expectations...

A really good garlic bread would probably be more enjoyable tbf

He’s an absolute clown tbh.

Personally I think I'd get more pleasure from the garlic bread.

Is he eating with you at this lunch meal?

I'm baffled this is even a question. Of course you shouldn't let him dictate what food you feel like eating when he isn't even there, and the fact he refuses affection when you "break the rules" is a red flag.

If his condition is really that serious he should be sorting out some better treatment for it, not forcing ridiculous restrictions on you and then getting annoyed when you don't comply.

I can't honestly understand why you would want to have sex with this tantrum-throwing manchild at all, but if you really do want it to last you need to set some boundaries.

This all just sounds such hard work.

And 2/3 a week is perfectly fine!

Normally I would say yanbu eat what you like.

As you both would like sex life to improve i would not do anything that would make that less likely. However your dh has no right to complain or expect this.

ETA 2-3 times a week is enough for most people, maybe you both have to change your expectations.

He sounds intolerable. I just couldn't live like that

5 times a week? Wholly fucking christ! Are you newly weds or something? Even then that exceeds rabbits. Once or twice a week is really good going, so I don't know why he's whingeing. And lets be honest here; if a man is that fucking horny, he'd kiss you even if you licked a cats arsehole. He'd literally jump at it. He's just playing games to control you and gaslight you. He does not sound like a decent person at all. He is manipulative and controlling.

I'm glad you added the context OP because originally I was going to say YABU. If it was one food and a special night then yeah, I'd avoid it. But my God the rest of it sounds exhausting. The idea of my partner sniffing me and moaning about my smell would be an instant passion killer.

I agree with the PP who said he's probably hamming it up as a means of control. Have you tested him - either by saying you've eaten a forbidden food when you haven't, or vice versa?

His problem, his responsibility to sort it. We've just had a similar incident of male entitlement - we both snore (him much louder than me & I have the recordings) but apparently my snoring needs sorting because it wakes him up. Everything wakes him up, he's an unnaturally light sleeper. Ergo, it's a HIM problem. His light sleeping needs addressing, not my snoring. Yours needs to sort his "sensitive sense of smell" out & stop his expectations that you're the default maker of effort.

Pickled garlic is so nice, you can eat some straight from the jar every time you walk past the fridge.

Garlic butter is also really nice on toast in the morning.