To not choose lunch based on husbands sexual expectations.

[RiseOfTheTeenyTinies]

this might turn out long so I don’t drip feed but my actual question is this -
Am I being unreasonable to eat garlic bread at lunch time knowing that we have a rare empty house that night and there is an expectation of sex. However I know that eating garlic bread will then mean no sex .

I don’t want to drip feed so will give as much context as I can. I chose the garlic bread because at lunch time my thought process extends as far as what is on the menu and do I fancy it. At that point I am not thinking oh better not, DH won’t kiss me if I eat this now and therefore I won’t want to have sex. DH thinks that I should think of this when choosing lunch.

Extra context - when we eat together we have a very plain diet with lots of ingredients that we can’t use. DH has a skin condition that is triggered by lots of foods and I accommodate this without complaint, as he accommodates my lactose intolerance. This is not a problem for either of us because it can’t be helped. However he doesn’t like me to use garlic in anything because “he doesn’t like it” but he is happy to eat garlic bread. That pissed me off, either you like garlic or you don’t!

There are certain foods that I enjoy that DH hates, and if I eat this foods he refuses affection because he is sensitive to the smell, this has lasted up to 3 days but usually is for the rest of the day of eating and the following day. These foods include anything with garlic, anything with lots of spice or raw onion. He says he can smell these things on my breathe even after multiple tooth brushings and chewing gum and eating rennies.

I usually just eat what I like and we don’t have sex for however long it takes him to get over it. He complains but I pretty much ignore it. I limit what I eat when we eat together already, I am not limiting it further.

However last night we had a rare empty house. DH has raised the fact that our sex life has declined recently (my drive is diminished because of medication I am on) so we have gone from 5 times a week down to 2 or 3 but those times I don’t always finish and some of the time I will just sort him out.

So given that I know he’s worried about our sex life I knew that there would be an expectation of sex given the empty house (I was on board with this btw, I do miss our old sex life) so he thinks I was unreasonable to eat the garlic bread.

I wouldn’t let someone tell me what I can and can’t eat but equally if I knew I was going to be having sex I would be aware of eating something that will make me smell.

5 days a week no thanks 🤣🤣🤣

What ever happened to brushing your teeth and mouth wash OP? Jesus

Agreed lmao

There must be some truly amazing behaviour to compensate you for this nonsense op, he sounds exhausting to live with.

i dunno. Since pregnancy I’ve had a ridiculously sensitive sense of smell. It’s an actual curse, I hate it.

I also hate kissing my husband if I can smell onion or garlic on him. Not that I’d ever try to stop him eating those things, and I wouldn’t say anything about it, but it’s off putting, to be honest.

5 times a week is insane. I’m a bit jealous but not really coz I’m too tired.

What is it with this “if DH gets it twice he’s lucky in my book” attitude, as though the purpose of sex is to keep a man satisfied, and is only something that women do grudgingly in response to their man’s desires. It’s a really unhealthy mindset in my opinion. If women aren’t feeling as “lucky” as their men to have sex in their relationship, then something is wrong.

Had the same from my exH. He hated anything garlic or wine related so every time I had wine and houmous at the weekend, he would make an extraordinary song and dance of “humphing”, tossing and turning in bed because he could smell it on me.

He could smell food “tainted” by other foods in the fridge. Was funny about perfumes etc.

I understand the part about having to consider food options before possibly having an opportunity to have sex - he was just like that. Oh we’re kid free, therefore we MUST use this opportunity. Not exactly romantic and puts you under so much pressure.

He is my exH now and I can do what I want!

I don't understand the vitorol towards him on this thread. It sounds like in regards to your sex life, he's tried to communicate and he tries to please. I highly doubt he is faking how much garlic affects him just to get at you - do you really think he is? His dietary restrictions sound tough on him and you, but I emphasize as someone with an eating disorder that severely affected me from childhood until a few years ago. It sounds like for the most part you are understanding and accommodating.
I suggest communicating like an adult about how you're feeling, and doing more to make sure you're finishing. (Toys, sit on his face, different positions) If you don't feel like as much sex, then communicate that too.

You win 🏆 😂😂😂

If he was so desperate for sex then this wouldn’t put him off. And 1-2 times a week is a lot!

EXACTLY my thoughts 🥂

This this this. It’s just constant isn’t it.

If your already having sex multiple times a week I'm confused as to why a rare empty house night is linked instantly to sex.

@RiseOfTheTeenyTinies when do you get the time to have a relax and just focus on you? Sounds like noone else is focusing on you.

I suppose he always smells delightful?

Unless whatever you’ve eaten is going to bring him out in hives or anaphylactic shock of something, he’s being ridiculous if there’s just a long list of foods you can’t eat because he doesn’t like the smell. What a fusspot! I couldn’t be dealing with that.
Plus 2-3 times a week of sex is still doing pretty well I’d say!

Jeez what a load of palaver for some bloke to get his dick wet. I’m team garlic bread and ltb. He sounds like a weirdo as well as a controlling sexo.

Same 🫩😂

Totally. The more I read MN the more I’m glad I decided to no longer have relationships. Been the most peaceful years of my life (and will never go back).

Even the title of this thread is ridiculous 🤣🤣🤣🤣

(male) -- I think I'd overcome any dislike of garlic in such circumstances.
Short of a peanut allergy, I don't think food should really be an issue!

He sounds weird and controlling. It’s a him problem if he thinks he can smell food you’ve eaten days ago. He shouldn’t control what you eat. You should eat what you want. Also the demands for sex 5 times a week are very high! Most chaps I know would be very happy with 2-3 times a week, but he’s guilt tripping you into doing it more often. You said some of the time he gets to finish and you don’t, which implies the sex is more for him than for you some of the time. So he guilt trips into having sex more than you really want to, and then has a go at you for eating food he doesn’t like as it means he can’t get his rocks off.

I’m sorry but this doesn’t sound like a healthy dynamic at all! Why are you putting up with this? He sounds very self centred and controlling. A bit of a bully, although maybe hard to spot as it’s not overt bullying.

But you said he is happy to eat garlic bread?
he sounds complicated

But he likes garlic bread
he could just join in eating garlic bread?

A few points are coming up -

I do (usually) enjoy sex, it’s not something I am doing as a chore. The medication and changes that have come with that are a struggle for both of us. We do have sex when we don’t have an empty house but it is usually much more fun when we don’t have to be quiet etc.

I am not usually bothered that he avoids kissing after me eating forbidden foods, at first it used to upset me but over the years I have reframed it as a him problem. If he doesn’t want sex because of what I have eaten I respect that.

It has been an issue this time around because he properly got the hump, why would you eat that when you know we would have sex tonight. My thought process didn’t go beyond “ohh garlic bread, go on then!” However he thinks it should have been a consideration, especially because we have had this same argument before.

He is a great guy usually, he just has sensory issues.