To not choose lunch based on husbands sexual expectations.

[RiseOfTheTeenyTinies]

this might turn out long so I don’t drip feed but my actual question is this -
Am I being unreasonable to eat garlic bread at lunch time knowing that we have a rare empty house that night and there is an expectation of sex. However I know that eating garlic bread will then mean no sex .

I don’t want to drip feed so will give as much context as I can. I chose the garlic bread because at lunch time my thought process extends as far as what is on the menu and do I fancy it. At that point I am not thinking oh better not, DH won’t kiss me if I eat this now and therefore I won’t want to have sex. DH thinks that I should think of this when choosing lunch.

Extra context - when we eat together we have a very plain diet with lots of ingredients that we can’t use. DH has a skin condition that is triggered by lots of foods and I accommodate this without complaint, as he accommodates my lactose intolerance. This is not a problem for either of us because it can’t be helped. However he doesn’t like me to use garlic in anything because “he doesn’t like it” but he is happy to eat garlic bread. That pissed me off, either you like garlic or you don’t!

There are certain foods that I enjoy that DH hates, and if I eat this foods he refuses affection because he is sensitive to the smell, this has lasted up to 3 days but usually is for the rest of the day of eating and the following day. These foods include anything with garlic, anything with lots of spice or raw onion. He says he can smell these things on my breathe even after multiple tooth brushings and chewing gum and eating rennies.

I usually just eat what I like and we don’t have sex for however long it takes him to get over it. He complains but I pretty much ignore it. I limit what I eat when we eat together already, I am not limiting it further.

However last night we had a rare empty house. DH has raised the fact that our sex life has declined recently (my drive is diminished because of medication I am on) so we have gone from 5 times a week down to 2 or 3 but those times I don’t always finish and some of the time I will just sort him out.

So given that I know he’s worried about our sex life I knew that there would be an expectation of sex given the empty house (I was on board with this btw, I do miss our old sex life) so he thinks I was unreasonable to eat the garlic bread.

It is quite concerning that hes expecting you to think of sex with him while picking out your lunch. He should always be on your mind type thing. Shudder.

What can become normalised within a relationship often seems weird to those not in that situation. This is beyond weird, veering into the bizarre!
Eat your garlic bread 👍

Oh so many replies so quickly!

So he wasn’t eating lunch with me because we were both at work. My work has a canteen which offers a hot meal or a choice of sandwiches etc the hot meal yesterday happened to include garlic bread.

I have tested him, pickles onions he doesn’t know I have eaten unless I tell him, at which point he can suddenly smell them. Garlic or anything spicy he knows - he swears he can smell it for days. Tuna he can’t smell, I eat it most days. Raw onion, I can smell myself so he probably can.

Sex wise - the medication has affected my enjoyment, I have adjusted the dose under advice from the GP, it’s not his lack of effort but it is making him worry that I am not enjoying it as much as usual, he is concerned about my needs.

Doggy style - he would be up for that but I am struggling with lack of desire so definitely need some kissing and passion to get in the mood so at the moment not an option.

To the poster who said they have seen the thread before - I have posted about it before, I wasn’t sure if I had posted it or just thought about posting it. So I posted again just incase! Though the circumstances are a bit different with the medication etc

Me and my XH used to eat garlic pretty much everyday (he’s from ME so most of the meals included it).

I cant say I ever tasted garlic on his breath. Just brush your teeth before sex and a shower. He sounds like he’s being a prat.

You could still have sex after eating garlic, he chooses not to. That’s on him, not you! He can’t complain he’s not getting enough sex if he’s refusing to have sex unless a set of specific, unrealistic expectations around what you’ve eaten are met. It sounds like you would have still been up for sex after eating the garlic bread so the fact he didn’t then want to is absolutely his decision and his choice, so of course YANBU.

Are you really trying to suggest that anyone should restrict what they eat, just in case their spouse fancies a shag (that they are not even orgasming from) in the next 3 days. Fuck that for unparalleled misogyny.

“To not chose lunch based on husbands sexual expectations”

No, it’s not unreasonable to chose lunch based on joint sexual expectations. I’m gluten/lactose intolerant and I know if I have certain things early in the day it will affect me later on. If we were jointly planning sex later (because I like sex and it’s not some
chore I do for my husband) then I would chose to avoid said food today. So no it’s not unreasonable to think ahead and plan for good sex in the general sense.
The issue here is OP doesn’t seem to particularly like sex with her husband,
and seems to be doing it to keep him happy rather then because she wants to.
Also disagree with all the people going on about “3 times a week! he should be grateful” etc etc. This also comes from a place of “giving sex” to your man to keep him happy. If you like sex you should be happy to have it,
however often you feel like it. Whether it’s 3 or 30 times a week, there isn’t a right or wrong number. If you are having sex you don’t want just to keep your man happy then there is something wrong in your relationship.

I would anoint myself with garlic oil every morn, noon and night.

Chewing fresh parsley will eradicate garlic breath, FYI.

He sounds like a proper brat. How is he attractive?

@RiseOfTheTeenyTinies i think everyone needs a healthy sex life . I however love garlic too !
My ex when we met use to go on about my use of garlic in the end he ended up on board.
(he had no choice )

I do think your dh is dictating a lot . Your choice to eat garlic, you weren’t even around him . It’s then later his choice not to have sex .

Where do your needs and wants come into this relationship ?

Wiping Vaseline around edge of nostrils keeps out far worse smells for medical professionals. Perhaps he could try that. If it works it will allow you to eat what you want without him complaining and he will be able to have sex whenever you feel like it.

I have a feeling that even if it did work the Vaseline itself would be a new smell he could not tolerate.

So confused. Your husband ignores you for up to 3 days if you eat something he doesn't like but you are still able to have sex 5 times a week.
No man is worth not eating garlic.

Think I would rather shag someone with garlic breath than a vasaline-y nose.

How on earth did you marry him?
He sounds utterly painful.
It wouldn't be the medication that would be killimg my desire for sex with such a muppet.

Keep eating the garlic and onions, the whole allium group of vegetables are so good for you, particularly fermented.
Go for it.

Wow who has the time or energy for 5 times a week 😂 if DH gets it twice he’s lucky in my book 🤪. But no OP, especially given all the other restrictions you should eat what you’d like to!

Op if we put your partner to one side. What do you want and what are you happy with?

Freely able to eat whatever and not have sex for a week during that? Would that work for you? Or is it trying to find the compromise because you want sex say at least once a week too?

Edited ...sorry, missed a page and someone has already made this point

Not always. Plenty of non dairy version around

In the point of the thread my DH is really sensitive to garlic and can't kiss me after having it. He would never make that something he blames me for though. Your husband seems extremely selfish.

I would stuff the mattress with it.

I don’t often have the hot meal at work so it doesn’t come up as an issue that often. It has come up often enough for me to know the drama it causes though.

5 times. Jesus

It’s very low indeed, as are some cheeses. (I’m hugely lactose intolerant).

No but I am saying is if someone really doesn't like the smell male or female then its understandable that they wont want to be intimate with someone or even in the same room due to the smell and that its not necessarily a punishment for him not to go near her for days after she eats it

It sounds like you're just a sex receptacle to him and I'm not sure I could live like that.

Garlic is weird, I find if you both eat it you can’t really tell they smell but if only one person eats it then it’s very obvious they’ve had garlic. You probably both smelt of it. Just brushing teeth after garlic bread doesn’t get rid of the smell!