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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not choose lunch based on husbands sexual expectations.

227 replies

RiseOfTheTeenyTinies · 29/10/2025 06:50

this might turn out long so I don’t drip feed but my actual question is this -
Am I being unreasonable to eat garlic bread at lunch time knowing that we have a rare empty house that night and there is an expectation of sex. However I know that eating garlic bread will then mean no sex .

I don’t want to drip feed so will give as much context as I can. I chose the garlic bread because at lunch time my thought process extends as far as what is on the menu and do I fancy it. At that point I am not thinking oh better not, DH won’t kiss me if I eat this now and therefore I won’t want to have sex. DH thinks that I should think of this when choosing lunch.

Extra context - when we eat together we have a very plain diet with lots of ingredients that we can’t use. DH has a skin condition that is triggered by lots of foods and I accommodate this without complaint, as he accommodates my lactose intolerance. This is not a problem for either of us because it can’t be helped. However he doesn’t like me to use garlic in anything because “he doesn’t like it” but he is happy to eat garlic bread. That pissed me off, either you like garlic or you don’t!

There are certain foods that I enjoy that DH hates, and if I eat this foods he refuses affection because he is sensitive to the smell, this has lasted up to 3 days but usually is for the rest of the day of eating and the following day. These foods include anything with garlic, anything with lots of spice or raw onion. He says he can smell these things on my breathe even after multiple tooth brushings and chewing gum and eating rennies.

I usually just eat what I like and we don’t have sex for however long it takes him to get over it. He complains but I pretty much ignore it. I limit what I eat when we eat together already, I am not limiting it further.

However last night we had a rare empty house. DH has raised the fact that our sex life has declined recently (my drive is diminished because of medication I am on) so we have gone from 5 times a week down to 2 or 3 but those times I don’t always finish and some of the time I will just sort him out.

So given that I know he’s worried about our sex life I knew that there would be an expectation of sex given the empty house (I was on board with this btw, I do miss our old sex life) so he thinks I was unreasonable to eat the garlic bread.

OP posts:
MsSmartShoes · 29/10/2025 08:38

If I were you I’d eat garlic everyday in the hope that he moves out.

lifeonmars100 · 29/10/2025 08:38

Sounds as if he controls every aspect of your life which also means he controls your thought processes and your decision making which seems to all about pleasing and placating him.

Timetochillnow · 29/10/2025 08:38

Shedmistress · 29/10/2025 07:02

Garlic bread has garlic butter which has lactose in it so I'm a tad confused here.

You can get dairy free garlic bread 😀 and if it’s on offer I’m not surprised if the op chooses it!

IkeaMeatballGravy · 29/10/2025 08:42

Does this not chip away at your self esteem? Being told you smell too much to have sex with for 3 days after eating perfectly normal food can't be very nice for you.

I would rather be celibate and sort myself out than eat food with no flavour.

Ariel896 · 29/10/2025 08:43

Yikes! The sex sounds crap and he sounds like a wet wipe. I’d go out of my way to eat loads of garlic so I wouldn’t have to have sex with him

duckfordinner · 29/10/2025 08:52

Garlic/ no garlic - I can’t imagine living like that.

MrsBlobby64 · 29/10/2025 08:52

Eeeewwww I feel a bit queasy after reading all that.. weird relationship...

MJMa · 29/10/2025 08:53

This is so weird.

Thecarstairsitreallyhurtsmegirl · 29/10/2025 08:56

Gaaarlic bread... it's the future 😁
Couldn't resist 🤣

NeelyOHara · 29/10/2025 08:57

Perhaps a blow up doll for your husband? He sounds revolting.

5678XXX · 29/10/2025 08:59

Is "sensory issues" a new term for "control issues"??

DiscoBob · 29/10/2025 09:06

You say he eats garlic bread? Can't he just have some too then it will cancel out the smell?

shhblackbag · 29/10/2025 09:06

Why would you live like this? There's a whole world out there without this controlling twat.

Getoffmewithyourstinkybreath · 29/10/2025 09:06

I get the no sex with stinky breath thing, you wouldn’t want to get it on with someone with halitosis and if garlic gives him the same sensory revulsion I can see his point.

That said l, if he eats garlic bread himself he’s just being a dick, he can’t be that repulsed by it if he doesn’t mind the taste of it himself, he could easily eat some himself to even things up!

Have emergency garlic bread in the freezer to pop in the air fryer for such occasions!

A big question is would be whether you were looking forward to sex. As someone who enjoys sex but has a low sex drive these days twice a week is plenty! He sounds a bit of a pest.

SaySomethingMan · 29/10/2025 09:08

The smell of raw onion on someone’s breath makes me want to puke so absolutely no chance of kissing them tbh

Springtimehere · 29/10/2025 09:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FourIsNewSix · 29/10/2025 09:23

Some people are really sensitive to the smell of garlic and are definitely able to smell it without being told about it, I have a relative like that.

YANBU to eat it outside of home from time to time with understanding it means no sex.

In this case it depends on whose expectation of sex it was. You phrased it as his expectation and his concern with which you are on board. That's strange.
If you see it as his expectation, you can say "nope, I prefer my garlic bread".
If it is your expectation and concern (as well as his), YABU.

I chose the garlic bread because at lunch time my thought process extends as far as what is on the menu and do I fancy it.
You are evaluating the menu for allergies anyway, checking for the word garlic isn't that much extra effort.

When you chose to ignore it, you send very mixed signals about whether you care about your sex life or not.

PostmanSplat · 29/10/2025 09:24

Lurkingandlearning · 29/10/2025 08:01

Wiping Vaseline around edge of nostrils keeps out far worse smells for medical professionals. Perhaps he could try that. If it works it will allow you to eat what you want without him complaining and he will be able to have sex whenever you feel like it.

I have a feeling that even if it did work the Vaseline itself would be a new smell he could not tolerate.

My fanjo would clamp shut so quickly if I had to watch a man put Vaseline around his nostrils before he could tolerate having sex with me

MJMa · 29/10/2025 09:29

FourIsNewSix · 29/10/2025 09:23

Some people are really sensitive to the smell of garlic and are definitely able to smell it without being told about it, I have a relative like that.

YANBU to eat it outside of home from time to time with understanding it means no sex.

In this case it depends on whose expectation of sex it was. You phrased it as his expectation and his concern with which you are on board. That's strange.
If you see it as his expectation, you can say "nope, I prefer my garlic bread".
If it is your expectation and concern (as well as his), YABU.

I chose the garlic bread because at lunch time my thought process extends as far as what is on the menu and do I fancy it.
You are evaluating the menu for allergies anyway, checking for the word garlic isn't that much extra effort.

When you chose to ignore it, you send very mixed signals about whether you care about your sex life or not.

What a load of codswallop.

Dontbeme · 29/10/2025 09:33

I would be replacing my body lotion, shower gel and deodorant with a tub of garlic butter.

Mrsgus · 29/10/2025 09:33

If he likes garlic bread you should have included it in your foreplay so you both stank of garlic, he wouldn't have known which one of you stank then!!
Seriously though, unless it was a life threatening allergy, I wouldn't be pandering to him and not eating foods as he doesn't like the smell so then refuses you near him. That's majorly controlling!!

MaurineWayBack · 29/10/2025 09:37

I’m sorry but if he eats garlic bread himself then he doesn’t get to tell you that you cannot eat any because he wants sex with you.

176509user · 29/10/2025 09:41

When sex is expected, it’s a huge turn off.

His attitude is the turnoff here. Far more so than the garlic !
He’s very entitled if he thinks 2-3 times a week is not enough. And he’s happy to go ahead and have sex with you when you don’t want it.
Would you enjoy sex with an unwilling partner ?
What does this say about him as a person ?

The fact you don’t finish, is probably down to feeling coerced and I’m sure he can do more to get you in the mood. But he’s just an entitled male so he won’t make the effort. He thinks his needs are more important than yours.

Lifejigsaw · 29/10/2025 09:41

All it comes down to, is given the choice would you have knowingly picked garlic bread or sex? If you'd have picked the garlic bread anyway, then no issue - you're allowed to not want / prioritise sex. If you'd have picked the sex then the issue of thinking about what to eat is for your benefit too.

BoudiccaRuled · 29/10/2025 09:41

He sounds insufferable. I don't know how you manage to have sex with him at all, let alone be at it like the Duracell bunny.

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