Moving in with partner- pay £400 rent? Is that ok?

[Susan7654]

My partner and I are both single parents and have been together for five years. We’ve decided to move in together at his house. I’ve been renting until now.

His daughter (19) works full-time and pays him £300 a month as she’s no longer in education. My daughter is 18 and still in college.

He earns £52,000 a year ( mortgage around £1400pcm) and I earn £28,000. I’d like to contribute fairly to the household, but I’m not sure how much is reasonable. Of course, I’ll pay for food, bills, and my own expenses.

I was thinking around £400 a month rent, plus half of the household bills, in addition to covering my food and personal costs.

Does that sound fair, or should I contribute more (or less)?
We didnt discussit yet. His daughter expects my daughter to pay too same amount, as she wants it to be fair. My daughter only works part time.
In that case should I pay £600?
I didnt discuss it with him yet as I dont know whats right and I tend to be overgenerous and than regret...
We are engaged but not planning on marrying anytime soon. We first want to try it out, see how it goes.

It’s 1.5 rooms though she’ll be sharing her room
with her DP. And presumably he wants his gf in his bed with him!

You don’t move in because someone needs you for your money!!

I’d say the other way if he only needs her to move in for money

A month trial seems sensible.

Have you sat down with your partner to discuss finances?

For example with both your bank statements, and to go through what counts as household expenses (shared), and what is reasonable, and how these should be split across four adults?

He should be transparent about what the rates and utilities are for his property - his council tax and bills could be a lot higher than for your home. There can be lots of differences between what people view as shared expenses - should streaming services be shared? Ring doorbell costs? Loan repayment for a sofa they you all use? Do groceries include alcohol and toiletries? What if one partner is a vegetarian teetotaller- their grocery cost would be low, should they subsidise the other partners costs etc.

There isn’t an easy answer as to a fair amount, you just need to have a transparent discussion about costs and see if you agree on what are shared costs, and how these should be shared between you all.

There isn’t an easy answer as to a fair amount, you just need to have a transparent discussion about costs and see if you agree on what are shared costs, and how these should be shared between you all.

And all of this depends on the basis for moving in and the relationship that underpins it! A ‘fair amount’ that a lodger would pay is different to what a wife-to-be would pay, as is the way the costs would be shared out. Are the OP and her partner starting a new life together and blending their families? Or is she just moving in to help him pay his mortgage and bills? Is he going to be her landlord and she had to pay her way like any lodger would? Or does her status as fiancé mean they work out together how their joint incomes can be organised to support their future life together? They both need to be clear on that first.

He should sell his house if he can’t afford to run it.

I just can't see this working out long term.
You're both coming at it from different angles.
OP has stated that she's fed up with being 'a lonely single mum' and her partner seems to be looking on her moving in as being more of a transactional agreement to balance the books than anything else.
How well do you really know each other?
Or are you just using each other, in different ways?