Moving in with partner- pay £400 rent? Is that ok?

[Susan7654]

My partner and I are both single parents and have been together for five years. We’ve decided to move in together at his house. I’ve been renting until now.

His daughter (19) works full-time and pays him £300 a month as she’s no longer in education. My daughter is 18 and still in college.

He earns £52,000 a year ( mortgage around £1400pcm) and I earn £28,000. I’d like to contribute fairly to the household, but I’m not sure how much is reasonable. Of course, I’ll pay for food, bills, and my own expenses.

I was thinking around £400 a month rent, plus half of the household bills, in addition to covering my food and personal costs.

Does that sound fair, or should I contribute more (or less)?
We didnt discussit yet. His daughter expects my daughter to pay too same amount, as she wants it to be fair. My daughter only works part time.
In that case should I pay £600?
I didnt discuss it with him yet as I dont know whats right and I tend to be overgenerous and than regret...
We are engaged but not planning on marrying anytime soon. We first want to try it out, see how it goes.

Thank you, thats really helpful.
I think thats fair and great way to calculate it.

His daughter £300 is for food only not mortgage. It doesnt even cover that, but thats what she pays.
I suppose thats what it is.

It sounds like you all get on well and want to move forward.

Just Looking at it from your DD's point of view. Your current properties are some way apart which is why you want to move, but she's about to go into the final phase of her last college year and exams, applications, and all that entails - but she will be moving house and at a greater distance from her friendship group. She's unsure about uni, and I've seen plenty of 18yr olds wavering right up to the summer, but there are other forms of training she might need finance for. Would it be easier for her if the move waited until she's finished? Then you'd have a clearer idea of what everyone's plans are.

His daughter £300 is for food, not rent. As she has no other living expenses other than that.
I would be paying £500 or £600 for rent plus food and expenses, bills? So its fair.
It would be cheaper for me to pay what she pays 300 for my daughter and 500 for me - food and rent included. But its not fair.

I wouldn’t be paying anyone of the mortgage till you get married. It’s his place not yours. Pay your share of the bills for both you and dd but that’s it.

My ds (age 22) pays less than his dd and I call that 'all-in', so it's food, council tax, rent, water, gas, electric. And my income is less than £30k

Your 'd'p needs to cut his cloth better if he can't pay his mortgage, not rely on his DC, and now you and your dad to balance his account every month.

Previously, his dd and ds were contributing £700 between them, which is half his mortgage. What would he do if she just moved out?

What would you do if she moved out and he turned round to you expecting you to top up his dd's share?

Sit tight op...

God, I would just wait til the two girls have moved out and then consider moving in to your own place together.

Paying rent to a partner is always tricky in my book, and having two late teens in different situations will be tricky.

Id let him get a lodger and not move in to what is essentially his space just because he needs the help with the mortgage.

The move is planned end of June, beginning of July. Problem is she wants it sooner. I prefer to wait for the reason you stated

But both gurls want to be a family and be sisters. They just long to have a " normal" family.
I cant say no to that. Even though i plan to move in June/july my daughter wants it sooner, asap.
But girls are girls, they dont know how it will work out.
My daughter is very easy going, never had argument with anyone but me. She set her boudaries very well. So maybe it will work out.
Its not big risk for me. We just need to find out if she is going to uni.

Excuse me for sounding negative but this is full of potential pitfalls.
Everyone needs to take off their rose tinted specs and discuss the actual practicalities and reality of making this work.
Good luck

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/university-living-costs-calculator/#!England
This is a tool which calculates the governments assumption of what a parental contribution should be to a student's maintenance loan depending on income of parents/partners in a student's household

• at £25k parents salary and below, they get the maximum loan. £10.5k
• At £28k salary, parents contribution approx £460 ish a year- depends on variables like, location, living at home, length of course etc.
• When you move in with partner they add his £52k income
• so at £80k you are looking at an assumed parental contribution to student's living expenses of £5,630 approx). An extra £5.1k a year.

Its worth reading the full article about the repayment of this loan, its not the same as a bank loan and you have until 60 to repay after which its cancelled. I think but the details change.
Also. UCAS website has lots of info about bursaries and scholarships. And other kinds of non uni courses or non degree qualifications.

Have you worked out the housework/gardening rota? That's what makes blended families, with teenagers fall apart. His daughter is set to inherit, you are a lodger with benefits. Everything needs to be talked through. I give my DP £50 a week. I buy all my own stuff/food. I do all of the housework, I'm his partial carer. I've had some input into furniture and luckily I've kept my house, my youngest lives in it. So if he gets arsey over Christmas decorations, I can just decorate my house and tell him I'll see him in January. Is your DD able to decorate her bedroom as she wants? You shouldn't be paying what a lodger would, this isn't a business transaction. £300 for your DD, then work out what he needs for your share. You need to know if you are on the same page re heating etc, or you could end up subsidising a lifestyle you wouldn't live.

Glad someone else hadn't suggested a trial before you give notice. 4 people including 2 teens all needing to be up, showered, breakfast etc on top of each other for a few weeks should give you a good enough idea. Plus night time routines etc can all be irritating. Good luck

Thank you so much, thats really helpful

I take the risk. I only want to know how much is a fair amount to pay to my partner.

Ok I am so glad I posted the qestion here. It made me think and research.
The decision on my part: no rent payment, half of all bills. Plus joint account and equal contributions to it- for food and houshold cleaning items etc.
Chat Gbt was really upset with me wanting to pay rent Lol, it said :using “rent” language — makes it sound like you and your daughter are lodgers. That hurts, because you’re supposed to be joining lives, not renting space.

Chat gbt key points:
" 1. Mortgage and mortgage interest is his responsibility. The house is his asset. Paying mortgage interest benefits him, not you.
Asking you to pay extra toward the mortgage isn’t fair, because you don’t gain ownership.

1. Fair contributions are for shared living costs

Food, bills, cleaning, household items — yes, you contribute. Mortgage, repairs, or past renovations — no, that’s the owner’s responsibility.

1. Equity vs. living together

Paying extra for mortgage or mortgage interest is like giving him free equity in his house.

That’s not fair for a fiancée who is moving in to build a shared life, especially since you already contribute via bills and food."

I will propose that to him and see how it goes.

What are you going to do about food? One family shop or every adult fends for themselves? This needs to be factored in as food is so expensive. Does the rent his kids have been paying him factor in food? And I assume that covers bills too?
if the sons room was going for 400 and your daughter will be taking that over, then I’d suggest paying 300 for her room as you’re also covering bills(or less if it doesn’t include food) and then you pay half of bills (as you’re sharing the bedroom with your boyfriend?) so actually I think your original idea is quite fair?
on second thoughts:
how much of the mortgage payments are interest?
Eg he might be paying 1400 but 1000 if this is just interest - another way to make this very fair is for you give a lump sum of half the mortgage interest as that’s like rent to cover the 1.5 rooms you and daughter will be using and then pay half bills. His half is covered by him and the rent he gets from daughter. And the equity he is in charge of as that’s his property/investment. If I was the homeowner I’d find this fair too.

I totally disagree that paying mortgage interest is like giving him equity - it’s literally not. It’s just like him paying rent to the bank, and you’re all only able to benefit from this house as he’s tied up all his savings in it, he could have invested them elsewhere. He is losing income from a lodger that he needs by having you move in. I don’t think he should charge you lodger rents as he loves you, but I think you should contribute to the interest part of mortgage, as it’s just an additional bill.

Op also are you thinking about things like what you’ll do with your furniture? Put it in storage? Take out some of his and replace with yours? Factor in these costs too if you might have to buy a whole homes worth again.

The uni parent contribution is important to consider. Can you pay 500 or 600 a month to your dd for uni to top up basic maintenance loan once your dp income is considered as household income? Plus pay dp for her room which she will only be in during vacations?

Something to consider.

And plan sone week or weekend sleepovers at his to see how it goes over a trial
What worked as kids might not now. You could rent somewhere much nearer his and keep finances and the dc lives as separate as they need to be

I found the response that you got from Chat GBP interesting OP. However, I still think that the suggestion made by a PP, that you and your daughter try moving in for a month, to see how things go, is a good one. A month should be long enough for any little niggles to raise their head, and if they don't, and you're all happy, then move in properly.

I've always believed that if a couple can survive a week's holiday, when they're together 24/7, they're probably well matched, have you all been on holiday together, and if so, how did it go?

I wouldn't be basing a decision to move in together on what my teenage daughter wants, or because the man is in financial difficulty. What do YOU want?

I don't see the rush to move in together. The children will be independent adults in a few years, would it not just make more sense to wait until they're out of the house and settled and then consider moving in together.

I wouldn't struggle to pay a 1400 pm mortgage on over 50k a year - what else is he spending on? Don't move in just because he's shit with managing money.

I am so sorry - I posted on the wrong thread (similar theme) have reported myself. Please ignore

Re Uni- I have savings account for her, she doesnt have to worry.
Furniture- its not a worry, only ikea and can be sold. I am ok with that.

I told him yesterday that I would like to do 1 month trial and he was a bit upset. He took it personally- as if i wanted to trial him.
But I explained how great idea this is and why, so he is now on board and we will do it soon.

He not a generous man so i really have to be careful. He has no savings, and clevery puts money away for his pension. I have been paying equally for our dates and outings.
I tell him off for beeing too tight but he spe ds loads on food shopping and is not very good with money. I had to pay for our one holiday we had, he paid back a year later..
So I do have to make sure he lets me move in with him for me not for paying his mortgage.
Thats why i will contribute half of bills and food.
His sons contribution didnt even cover that, as £400 is not even close to cover food he had (eats a lot!) and bills.

My plan is to pay in £600 each for food/etc for us and girls. Thats £1200 a month should be ok.
Plus I will pay around £180 per month for half of the bills.
And knowing me i will spend so much more of my own money for house improvements and nesting lol But I know that would be money lost if we split. So I will just do it not expecting getting money back.