Moving in with partner- pay £400 rent? Is that ok?

[Susan7654]

My partner and I are both single parents and have been together for five years. We’ve decided to move in together at his house. I’ve been renting until now.

His daughter (19) works full-time and pays him £300 a month as she’s no longer in education. My daughter is 18 and still in college.

He earns £52,000 a year ( mortgage around £1400pcm) and I earn £28,000. I’d like to contribute fairly to the household, but I’m not sure how much is reasonable. Of course, I’ll pay for food, bills, and my own expenses.

I was thinking around £400 a month rent, plus half of the household bills, in addition to covering my food and personal costs.

Does that sound fair, or should I contribute more (or less)?
We didnt discussit yet. His daughter expects my daughter to pay too same amount, as she wants it to be fair. My daughter only works part time.
In that case should I pay £600?
I didnt discuss it with him yet as I dont know whats right and I tend to be overgenerous and than regret...
We are engaged but not planning on marrying anytime soon. We first want to try it out, see how it goes.

@Susan7654 he wants you to move in because he is struggling? Your DD wants you to move in more than you do? The only reason for moving in is because you and DP want to.

His DD is too involved re the rent as well. I understand it may come from a place of being threatened but not her business.

Also, if you just split the bills 50:50 between you and he, the arrangements for the daughters are between he and his and you and yours. I’m honestly not sure about how much ‘rent’ on top.

How much is the mortgage? I’d be worrying this is turning into you subsidising it with no rights to the property - although I know that’s something much further down the line, what would you do longer term?

I would talk to him about all this (the two of you) but if you are going to do it, do it for a trial period only. I’d also only do it if your parenting styles are very similar otherwise one of you is likely to be resentful.

I think you need to discuss this with him, not us.

I wouldn't pay anything towards his mortgage until you're married because if you spilt up you'll get nothing back. Half the bills for you and your dd is reasonable though as they are your costs. Whether you pay it all or your dd contributes part is entirely up to you. Not everyone charges their grown up children to live with them, even if they do have a part time job.

Absolute madness.
You will both be lodgers in his home on his and his daughters terms.
Paying through the nose for it too.
Stay where you are.
This is all about him and you suiting him and paying his morgage.
He gets a housekeeper and sex on tap and you don't even get your own room.
Madness.

A lodger would have rights but OP who could come back to his house one day to find he’s changed her locks and there would be nothing she could do about it.

You're moving in after 5 years because he has financial troubles; not as a natural progression of the relationship.

His daughter is already demanding fairness.

You have dodged questions on whether you'll actually be better/worse off financially. I mean, your rent may be £900 with UC paying £600, so who knows.

All a bit 🤔 for me, but your daughters are eager to live together and you're generous, so 🤷🏾‍♀️.

The idea of basing it on percentage of salary is kind of sound if the numbers InLoveWithAI gave are correct. That is if you are a partner and not just a lodger with benefits.

The principle of basing it on the mortgage amount may or may not be to your advantage. Sometimes the rent on a property is lower than a mortgage would be but sometimes rent is higher. To be truly fair to all parties it should be based not on the mortgage amount but on the percentages of what the house would rent for. His mortgage might be low because he has paid most of it off for example. The rental value of his house might be £2,400 a month, or it might actually be £1,200.

Let’s assume the rental value of his entire house is £1,000. You and your daughter will effectively be renting half the house so £500 (plus bills and food). This needs to be made very clear to his DD.

What your daughter pays you is up to you. What his daughter pays him is up to him. That said, to keep the peace I would suggest both daughters pay rent also based on their respective incomes. If that means his DD is still paying her dad £300, it might mean your daughter pays you £100. It also covers the scenarios where one DD is out of work or in education etc. to prevent arguements in the future.

You need to make sure that you and your daughter will benefit from the new scenario financially, and put the saved money into an account for you and your daughters future.

I get top up from UC to pay for flat atm but it is finishing once my daughter is out of college- which is in June. So it suits me to move in with him, as i will have lower costs of living. It suits us both. We treat it as a trial to see if we can live together and move it forward.

I just want advise how much is reasonable for me to pay to him.
I completly dont know whats the reasonable amout and how to go about it?

Yes the bratty daughter is a problem. Thats why we treat it as a trial to see if we can live together.

Is your dd going to university? If yes, wouldn't you still be entitled to the UC top up?

How much has DP suggested you pay?

I wouldn't give up my place. Could you sub let it during the trial?

Your daughter doesn’t have a share. She is still in education and her basic needs are ultimately still your responsibility.

His daughter has chosen to end her education and enter the workforce. That is why she needs to pay her own way.

The rent itself seems fair as long as you also pay food and expenses. The goal should be that any financial gains or losses from cohabitation are shared not hoisted on to one person.

I feel you are making yourself very vulnerable OP.
How about having a conversation about putting rent money into a savings account to add to a joint deposit, or one of your own, in the future and contribute to the bills and living expenses only for now. Once DD is working she can pay rent as per her 'step sister' and another person her age.

But daughter is still at college, she shouldn't be paying anything. After sixth form if dges not going to uni then she should.

Moving into the ‘’bratty’’ daughters home ,if that’s what you truly think of her, is a VERY BAD IDEA. How many more people need to tell you this?

No his bratty daughter ISNT the issue. because she isn’t being a brat

Dad earns 3400 a month with paying the entire mortgage he has 2000 a sensible amount to live on

I assume because he wants more he has been charging his children 300 and 400 a month to cover half the mortgage

can’t you see why she would want parity?

he has clearly set out expectations based on living with him financially which says a lot about him

he doesn’t want you there he wants the money

Agree with this.
He is all about moey and his asset.
You are mad, really mad, if you think he has a notion of ever marrying you.
You are servicing his debt, housekeeper and in his bed.
He's not doing you a single favour here. Wake up.

I know you only want advice on how much, but please understand how vulnerable you and your daughter are in this set up.

That being said, 500-600 plus bills seems fair enough, but only if it means you're able to save for a rainy day. This is important for your own protection.

Please also remember that if your daughter is likely to continue her studies, student finance is calculated on your joint income, and he can't afford to help you with the shortfall. This may mean you're unable to support your daughter in uni, if you have/had plans to do so.

£500 plus half of bills and food would be my offer and up it to £600 when your DD starts work. Why don’t you just ask him though - ignore what his DD is expecting she can always move out if she thinks £300 is too much

I would be worried about this scenario, but then Im a worrier.

Your DD is a sixth former. It may be called college but in reality she's still at school! And she has a low paid part time job to cover her expenses and perhaps saving for further education and they want her to cough up. Did his DD have to pay him rent when she was doing her A levels? or a student?.. If they were moving in with you - would you expect her to at just 18?

How much space in the home will you be taking up? If you are sharing expenses then your BF who earns double what you do, will benefit and therefore his DD will too.

Do they see you as Lodgers or a partner, possibly fiance.

Its tangled, but you are moving in with your partner as the householder, not his DD. It doesn't matter what arrangement he has with her. You don't have to "compensate" her at the expense of your DD.

Technically, you are still putting a roof over her head whilst she's still a student, never mind if she's enterprising enough to study and have a part time job or not.

Maybe you should wait until your DD finishes school and moves on to her next stage before moving in with him and his DD.

Not to be overly romantic here, but shouldn't a couple decide to move in together because they want to spend their time together and plan for a future? Not because one partner needs the other's money for rent?

You're meant to be his partner, not his alternative-to-a-lodger. Just my view.

In addition to my previous post that was purely about the logistics/maths of the situation as asked I would also like to add…

It seems a little odd to me that after 5 years being a couple that you are not actually thinking even further ahead…

I would have thought he would be suggesting that if this all works out then in a years time you would be buying a house together while ring-fencing his current asset value / daughters inheritance so that if you jointly get a 50/50 mortgage that his equity/deposit might mean he owns 40% of the house at the outset and you each have a 30% share of the remainder (tenants in common). I’m assuming you would not be putting any deposit down.

This way, if the house costs £300k and he puts down £120k deposit and you have a joint mortgage for the £180k, if the house value goes up to £600k and you sell he gets his 40% + his 30% (£420k) and you get your 30% (£180k).

This disparity highlights the problem with couples of differing wealth status if they are not both on the same page. If you haven’t had this conversation I’d suggest having it now. Obviously marriage potentially changes things likely to your benefit (prenups excluded).

@Dweetfidilove 's point about his salary affecting your DD's entitlement to Student grants/loans etc.. is VERY valid OP
and needs checking out by you immediately (try moneysavingwebsite's student finances section.
You could potentially be costing your DD thousands in student debt by moving in with someone who will not be obliged to contribute a penny to her upkeep - yet her entitlement to student finance could be based on both your incomes. And if the DD gets her way be paying xx amount a month for the priviledge of your DD losing a large amount of student finance. It doesn't make sense.

This is very precarious financially, especially for your DD.

You can't also decide at this stage that your DD isn't interested in Uni.. as they change their minds, dependent on results, so much...and could say after a year in the workplace that she needs further qualifications. But I'd leave it at least until she's left sixth form college, its quite an upheaval in exam year anyway.

Yes. This is a concern. 🚩

I think £500 rent plus food and bills is fair enough. With other expenses it will easily increase to £700. I would just make sure everyone is on board and make it clear before you move in. Any more than that I think you would be unreasonable and would be unfair to you. Good luck!