Moving in with partner- pay £400 rent? Is that ok?

[Susan7654]

My partner and I are both single parents and have been together for five years. We’ve decided to move in together at his house. I’ve been renting until now.

His daughter (19) works full-time and pays him £300 a month as she’s no longer in education. My daughter is 18 and still in college.

He earns £52,000 a year ( mortgage around £1400pcm) and I earn £28,000. I’d like to contribute fairly to the household, but I’m not sure how much is reasonable. Of course, I’ll pay for food, bills, and my own expenses.

I was thinking around £400 a month rent, plus half of the household bills, in addition to covering my food and personal costs.

Does that sound fair, or should I contribute more (or less)?
We didnt discussit yet. His daughter expects my daughter to pay too same amount, as she wants it to be fair. My daughter only works part time.
In that case should I pay £600?
I didnt discuss it with him yet as I dont know whats right and I tend to be overgenerous and than regret...
We are engaged but not planning on marrying anytime soon. We first want to try it out, see how it goes.

How many nights do you spend together at the moment? With both your dc?

Have to say I have known a few friends who have moved in with their partners and blended their families with finances being the main driving force and it has never ended well.

You absolutely need to check the impact this may have on funding of your daughters education re grants etc.

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if someone has suggested this already.
The tricky thing comes with him building an asset that you are not entitled to.
Assuming the mortgage is a repayment, then I would consider this:
Contribute a rent equal to 50% of the interest component of a monthly payment. This isn't that hard to work out as it'll be monthly payment - difference in mortgage remaining balance after 1 month. e.g. if he pays £1200 and the mortgage balance only goes down by £700, then split the £500 and you pay £250. That's 50% of the cost of "renting" from the bank effectively.

There is fair grounds that both daughters are effectively "renting" a room and a set but fair rate could be charged - either % of earnings or flat rate. The depends on the lesson you want the girls to learn. That could be rent will always be a fixed cost or % but teach them about budgeting, saving and investing.

Bills - split 4 ways equally or as a ratio of incomes.

You should not contribute to material and permanent home improvements until you have a legal interest in the property. This means you can still do small things like paint, little decoration projects etc, but other than that you should focus on things you could take with you and don't increase the property value (e.g. good quality furniture, soft furnishings etc).

If it all works out and for affordabilities sake you need to go on the mortgage at next renewal then you need legal advice and ensure your interest in the property is proportional to your contributions going forward and protects his equity at that point as a % of property value (so in the event of a decrease, you are not left with the bulk of the negative equity).

Tbh, I wouldn't move in with a man and pay rent to him. You are not gaining anythibng - you're a lodger, with no legal rights and no equity.
Stay where you are until your relationship develops to the point where you will have a joint mortgage with him.

Thought I'd share my husband lives in my house. We pay 50/50 bills but I pay 100% mortgage. It's my house so my responsibility.

It does annoy me at times that he effectively is living rent free but he does do DIY so helps out then.

Sounds like a lot could go wrong with you relying for housing on a man who can't afford his mortgage. Both of your daughters will presumably move out before too long- who will pay the extra then?

Just have a back up plan in case it does not work out. How many rooms are there? So you are taking half his room and one for ypur dd?

Why doesn't he get a lodger and you stay as you are? Also are you in private rented or social housing? Do not give up social housing!!!!!

We dont do sleepovers with daughters at all atm.Just me and my partner visit each other. Its complicated we live quite a bit apart and they both have their aet of friends.
We really might fail totally moving in together. But I actually want to know for sure if its ment to be or we should part our ways.
There is 50/50 chance.

Private rented

3 bedrooms. Yes, its a risk and I am willing to take it. Back up plan is in place too, I always have a back up plan:)

Hi, thanks for sharing. Thats really helpful. If it works for you both thats great. You definately have an asset and thinking about the future.

You are going 0-100 in no time for financial reasons.

Why does it have to be move in or part ways? Is there no middle ground?

Why is your dd so keen for you to move if she hasn’t even had a night over with her ‘step’ sister who is brat?

My daughter is not sure about University.
I didnt speak to him about it yet. I need to get advice first. I tend to agree to things that are not good for me - just people pleasing. So this time I need advice and think it through and not rely on his proposal. We do love each other and have best of intentions.

No no no no no

never pay for any house your name isn’t on.

OP, this has red flags all over it.
You describe his daughter as ''bratty'' and your partner wants you and your daughter to move in for financial reasons rather than a natural progression of the relationship.

Long long story...the girls know each other and had many sleepovers before.
We met because of them. But they grew apart as my daughter is a bit younger and different friends group.

I definately want to move in as I am lonely and have been single parent for so long. And I want to see if we can live together and eventually buy a house together.

But before we get married and buy a house we will test the waters if its actually working.

The plan is to get married and be a family.
But we are both reasonable and dont want to commit without knowing if its going to work.

If it works than the rest will be fairtale :)

I am woried about a lot of things but I will find out once we move in. I have a back up plan.

How about doing a month trial? It seems such a big risk

Its a private rental, so I dont need to sub let it. I can find a new one

Thats a great idea. Didnt think of that.
Month trial seems really brilliant way to see if it works without too much comittment

You pay proportionate to take home pay (not pre-tax salary) of all fixed costs.

His daughter pays him to recoup his part of mortgage, your daughter pays you to recoup your part of mortgage – once she is out of education.

His daughter has no financial say.

I didnt think of that. Thanks! I will check

Seems a bit mean that you are offering £400 to cover for two people when his dd pays £300 for one person, and I assume she is on a fairly low starting salary wage as well. I suggest you either up your offer to £600, or alternatively suggest his dds contribution is lowered to £200 . That amount should cover you, and both dds share of utilities and council tax then you can work out how food is bought because that is probably more complicated.

I wouldn't be paying 'rent' towards his mortgage, no way. You'd be better buying a property together; you'd have a say in finances (eg. how much your daughter pays) and the money you put in will benefit you as well as him.

This actually sounds very business like, you saving a little, he gains some to pay for a remortgage that was obviously not thought out thoroughly, yes I'm old school, save and pay, you're lonely, his son's no longer paying rent, the daughters dictating how much you've to pay! its just all about money, I wouldn't do it, you could try weekends if you really want to test it.