Moving in with partner- pay £400 rent? Is that ok?

[Susan7654]

My partner and I are both single parents and have been together for five years. We’ve decided to move in together at his house. I’ve been renting until now.

His daughter (19) works full-time and pays him £300 a month as she’s no longer in education. My daughter is 18 and still in college.

He earns £52,000 a year ( mortgage around £1400pcm) and I earn £28,000. I’d like to contribute fairly to the household, but I’m not sure how much is reasonable. Of course, I’ll pay for food, bills, and my own expenses.

I was thinking around £400 a month rent, plus half of the household bills, in addition to covering my food and personal costs.

Does that sound fair, or should I contribute more (or less)?
We didnt discussit yet. His daughter expects my daughter to pay too same amount, as she wants it to be fair. My daughter only works part time.
In that case should I pay £600?
I didnt discuss it with him yet as I dont know whats right and I tend to be overgenerous and than regret...
We are engaged but not planning on marrying anytime soon. We first want to try it out, see how it goes.

And also don't forget you are asking your daughter to pay towards this man's mortgage too when she will have zero claim to the property. Can you not see this is batshit?

This what renting is. It differs from ownership.

Thats why i dont want to get married. We just have to give it a go and see what happens.

He should rent out his house and you two rent a property together which is both of yours.
Moving you and your daughter into his established property with his children could be very difficult and you both may always feel like an outsider.
If it works out then he could sell his house and you buy something jointly. If it doesn't he can just move back into his house and you can find somewhere to rent again.

Yes but you are not normally shagging the landlord too who is also meant to be your partner.

My partner moved in with me.
Its my mortgage, and I have been advised to make sure the 'papertrail' makes it very clear he is paying me rent, and not contributing to the mortgage. So I can easily prove that my salary is paying the mortgage, insurance, I can cover all bills etc. I pay the mortgage out of my current account, which my salary goes in. He pays me rent into another account, which I use for food/spending. So very clearly seperate. We split food bills using a seperate running a tab. I charge him 600 in rent, as i am doing it under 'rent a room' which caps how much you can charge tax-free for rent a year. Again, another bit of evidence that he is not contributing to my mortgage, because we have communication between us confirming its under rent a room. These are the kinds of things your partner should be thinking about. I think 600 is fair in our circumstances, as he isnt getting any stake in my house, but he is paying a lot less than he would in rent, so can save (and is gaining interest rather than paying it) he also treats us to stuff on top of that, as he is on more than me.
I would not split proportionate to salary because that to me would make a small case towards you 'paying his mortgage' as it would then be like you are splitting the household costs as one pot... if that makes sense? Obviously, you are not out to get his house! But you need to do some research on what protections you both should think about.

I would be more concerned about the fact you say he's on a good salary but struggling to pay the bills, I really really think you need to get to the bottom of this - worst case scenario, he cant pay his bills and you feel obligated/quilted into paying them, or backed into a corner because its the roof over your daughters head. Tread with caution and make sure you have all the info.

I will pay my daughters share, I will not ask her to pay.
Its not perfect but might be working well for all of us. As at the end we will all be better off.

I know. It pitentially can be. But what if its great? I need to find out

I wouldn't move in at the moment. You've been together 5 years and are only discussing moving in together because he needs the money.

If you decide to go ahead you need to discuss what's fair and reasonable. His mortgage payment should not be the basis of a fair calculation. You are paying rent not contributing to his mortgage. I would be concerned that with a net income of nearly £3400 plus £300 from his daughter he is struggling financially with a mortgage payment of £1400.

Don’t do it.

His daughter is already sounding resentful and will seize on anything else she thinks is ‘unfair’.

My advice would be not to live in until both children have left home for good.

i would not be moving in to much going on already.

@Susan7654 will you loose any universal credit by moving in? If so please take this into consideration as you may very well end up worse off.

I think £600 plus half the food. I assume the daughter doesn’t pay rent plus bills. I’d also save so if it goes badly you hsve an exit fund or well you can “buy in” to the property.

To me it sounds reasonable too. His daughter pays 300 - thats mostly for food as she eats at home, a contribution.
So me paying 600 for me and my daughter is a good deal for him and for me. I think thats reasonable.

But i mean £600 as rent only. I pay for our food and anytning else

You always get the ‘don’t pay his mortgage’ screams but if you’ve no prospect of getting your own place then it’s just paying him instead of a landlord.
Sounds OK to me. £600 for both. Then half the bills and food each. You’ll both be better off. I’d think differently if you would struggle to match your current rental but as you’ve said you can easily get another at the same price I don’t see any issues.
Don’t buy any furniture or contribute to house repairs etc.
But it is a bit strange he can’t manage without contributions on his salary.

Where do you live that you could find another rental with no problem?

Id consider carefully what would happen if he asked you to leave with no notice. Because he could. Will you have enough funds to cover emergency accommodation while you find a place? Will you have savings to cover bond? Are you absolutely sure that it will be easy to find another rental that you are happy with? Have you considered drawing up a lodgers agreement so you do have some rights? Who will be doing what around the house? Will you have extra commuting costs due to the move? What is happening to your furniture- will you need to pay to store it?

These are all just as important as what you contribute.

I would say 400 and that you will reassess after 6 months.

My partner needs me to move in, as he needs extra money to cover his mortgage and expenses

You need to prioritise your own financial and housing security.

Your boyfriend needs to sort out a new house, he cannot be dependent on three women to subsidise his choice to have a house he can't afford.

Don't do it. What a mess it is going to be. Why have you decided to do it?

Don’t do it! Wait until both girls have moved out then get somewhere together. It sounds like he is poor at managing his money, his daughter is already resentful and you are giving up everything at the risk of you having no home if he decides to kick you out.

OP, I think before moving in, I would NEED to know why he is struggling to pay the mortgage on the salary he's on, as to have been granted a mortgage in the first place, the lender must have been confident that he could afford to pay each month. Has he got a lot of debt that he's paying off - a big red flag for me! Is he a gambler? Does he have any expensive hobbies? Does he run an expensive car which he really can't afford? Does he do drugs? All of these could explain why he's struggling to pay the mortgage, and none of them are good. I know the cost of living is crazy right now, but his mortgage should be his top priority, so if he doesn't have a VERY good reason for saying he's struggling, I'd be most concerned if going into a live in relationship, that he's not good with money, and that for me would ensure that I stay put in my own place.

He doesnt have any debts but his mortgage rate went up due to remortgage and he had help to buy goverment loan and repayments kicked in. So big raise in cost. He was accustomed to lower mortgage and having more money to spend. Now its getting tight and he is not used to it.

Alarm bells here for me. Why on his income plus his daughters contribution would he be struggling without you moving in? Something isn't right. Even with his son moving out. And that just sounds like he only wants you to move in to cover his sons former contribution!!

The more detail you give the less I'd be doing this.