Cold heartless daughter

[Beeings]

My daughter is 11. I went out to shop earlier and unfortunately fell. Two work men who were nearby came over to make sure I was ok and then helped me home. My daughter opened the door to see me hobbling up the path being supported by these two guys and her reaction? An eye roll. One of the guys said “your mum has just fallen” to which she rolled her eyes again and said “right”.

When they had gone I asked her why she’s so uncaring and she said I make a Rama out of everything and “why couldn’t you just walk home like a normal person? There isn’t even anything wrong with you”.

She’s always been like this, so cold and uncaring, why? AIBU to be upset by her reaction?

Yes I agree. OP might be a drama-lama on a regular basis, but if not then I would be extremely worried about my daughter.

Where has she learned those phrases? I suspect she hasn't encountered a lot of sympathy in her life either and just been expected to get on with it or push her feelings aside. Not saying it's necessarily home, but that's probably come from somewhere.

How old are you OP?

The OP has long since left the thread so your question won’t be answered, sadly. People can be over sensitive at any age, though.

My dd is 11 and would be upset and scared if I cried. She has autism do gets anxious but regardless she would be scared. Even my 13 year old ds would be upset

I tripped I'm the road outside the gp years ago and had a cry when I was alone. It hurt and it was a shock. If a car had been coming I'd be dead. I don't cry at the drop of a hat either. Nothing weird about crying when your upset

Do you make a drama out of everything? I was similar at 11 and still am at 35, because my Mum makes a drama out of everything. How often are you upset/teary/dramatic in front of her? It gets old really fast even at a young age.

Do you cry in front of her, OP?

I remember my mum telling me I’m cold through my childhood and teenage years. I’m not a cold person (no one else would ever describe me that way) but she was extremely emotionally unstable. She would cry often, act hurt (both emotionally and physically) often. She wanted her children to be her crutch.

I was a child. I couldn’t be that for her. Her behaviour caused my barriers to go up as she wasn’t the stable, reliable, supportive parent I needed her to be.

To be honest, nothing has changed into adulthood. Her emotional instability and neediness forces me to keep her at arms length.

I had a very similar experience with my child. In fact I had so many similar experiences that for about three years (say ages 11-14) I genuinely thought my child was entirely devoid of empathy. I was so worried that I sought advice from a child psychologist who reiterated what a lot of people on the thread have already suggested , that sometimes in adolescents the embarrassment of certain situations can override any other reactions.
For mine , it was simply that empathy was like an undeveloped emotional ‘muscle’ or something. It was peculiar because then all of a sudden it developed almost overnight, just as one may suddenly go through a delayed puberty later on , or a sudden growth spurt later than expected. And now at 16 they are the most empathetic person . In fact it developed so quickly it was an emotional rollercoaster for a while as all the emotion came out at once , they’d tell a story of a homeless person they’d seen or a stray cat and be in tears 😭. And now it’s evened out but they remain very thoughtful, very considerate and so so caring and aware of those around them. The teenage years are hard and hormones are crazy things, especially combined with all the social expectations.

Yeah I thought this. If the injuries were so severe it required two blokes to help walk home then it should have been a trip to A&E. Sounds like the daughter’s comment about drama may have a point, perhaps she’s fed up of it?

It's actually completely the other way round
Are you denying my experience?

You have absolutely no idea of the experience I have of the behaviour many of the children - primary school age- and teenagers that live in the area where I live.

Vandalism, name calling, bullying , absolute unhibited cheeky language: all directed at an OAP woman who lives alone is nothing to do with " creating a protective barrier "

And yes I agree with you that the behaviour of many adults is also poor.
But why are you telling me my experience is not valid?

Because you said a whole generation was desensitised from human feeling. Now I know for an absolute certainty that your lived experiences do not involve interacting with a whole generation and you have projected what lived experiences you have on to them, so I also projected my experiences to say your statement that a whole generation of child are desensitised was wrong. If you projected your limited experiences into a generalisation then it's perfectly reasonable to challenge that.

And are the police doing nothing to support this older woman and address this reported behaviour?
Has she reported it to them? Could you support her to if you've witnessed it?

What exactly do you think the police will do? I can tell you they will do absolutely nothing until someone gets hurt old people young people people in general being abused is not a crime to them and hasn't been for years even after some "high profile" cases the BEST they will do is my old favourite "lessons will be learned"

The OAP is me!

And yes the community police and Anti social behaviour section of the Local council have been involved at various points.

People begin to recognise the same posts just with various different details, so become suspicious.

There is a regular poster on here who pays about her uncaring daughter in various circumstances, isn't looking for help just wants a pile on on her daughter. If the daughter ever exists. Doesn't really comment on the many replies of people trying to be helpful just keeps drip feeding more tales.

Maybe this isn't that poster, but the lack of activity on this post suggests to me that it is and the people trying to help are just wasting their time

I suspect you may well be right about that in that case! In any case, I don’t get this obsession with carrying on the pile-on when the OP is clearly not there anymore, whether genuine or not.

I've read similar posts now to the point now when I read about someone complaining about lack of empathy in another it's a red flag. I think maybe half the time it's a fair comment (usually a husband) but the other half it reads as someone who is just annoyed that someone isn't doing what they want them to do.

She may just be embarrassed teens or pre teens often are. Were the workmen young and good looking maybe that embarrassed her? I would put it down to her age and dismiss it.

When you're upset or injured, do you expect her to feel sympathy? It sounds as if she is a bit fed up of you relying on her.

Is this the op that “lies down and pretends to be dead” to shock her daughter. It reads the same way

She sounds spoiled and she gets her attitude from school. Look after yourself well. 💓

I like her!

I didn’t ask the workmen to help me home, they just did.

I’ve never posted about my daughter on here before.

But you let them?

But unless seriously injured, most would have thanked the men who came to their aid, dusted themselves off and hobbled home on their own. So I’m presuming you were seriously injured op?