Cold heartless daughter

[Beeings]

My daughter is 11. I went out to shop earlier and unfortunately fell. Two work men who were nearby came over to make sure I was ok and then helped me home. My daughter opened the door to see me hobbling up the path being supported by these two guys and her reaction? An eye roll. One of the guys said “your mum has just fallen” to which she rolled her eyes again and said “right”.

When they had gone I asked her why she’s so uncaring and she said I make a Rama out of everything and “why couldn’t you just walk home like a normal person? There isn’t even anything wrong with you”.

She’s always been like this, so cold and uncaring, why? AIBU to be upset by her reaction?

Is she the same with everyone? If her friend fell would she help them, or roll her eyes and tell them not to fuss? I think that's the information makes a difference to any response you'd get.

Are you regularly falling and crying and needing to be carried home? Do you have MS or a similar disability?

She is 11 and probably finds it awkward and embarrassing to feel like you're making a big scene everywhere you go. She is at a very ego-centric stage of life. I do think you need something in place to stop you from falling over as it's obviously not safe if you keep doing that.

I find you describing your own daughter as cold and heartless more worrying than her reaction. Is that really the way you see her. Don’t you have a more generous point of view when looking at who she is as a person.

Well, stop being caring towards her as she doesn't deserve it. If she doesn't care about other people then why should you care about her.

Maybe she's a psychopath. Maybe you're a drama queen. Who knows!

It's really hard to say without knowing you op. I have people in my family who I would (internally) roll my eyes if they were hobbling along after falling over.

Maybe because one is an 11 yo and one is a grown ass adult?

Great way to prove to her daughter that she really is OTT dramatic. Brilliant idea.

Very much hoping you are not a parent! Or a pet owner or a plant owner even!!

Maybe she has a personality disorder. These things become more prominent the older kids get.

Thank God for those fabulous guys OP.

Her age? I would stop her pocket money

I mean…you fell over and needed two men to assist you home? Do you have medical conditions or the severity of the fall that would help provide context as to why that was necessary? I mean, I’m dyspraxic, fall over a LOT and have never needed anyone to even help me up. I’ve hobbled/trotted 70 miles on a busted ACL before. But a fall at the shop normally only really damages your dignity - surely a couple of minutes for the pain to ease off and you’re (limping) on your way again?

So, I think there might be a bit more to this story and think maybe your daughter would have a different take on it. Even your language is overblown. Your ‘cold, heartless daughter’? It all just smacks of high drama.

Could be wrong but, reading between the lines of your posts, I don’t think I am.

Cold and heartless at 11? Get a grip. She probably just thinks you are an embarrassing drama llama. Totally normal for her age.

It's actually completely the other way round. Children are surrounded by adults making decisions with no empathy for their fellow humans, from political decisions that dehumanise people, lack compassion for vulnerable people or fund extermination of people they don't agree with, to individual adults being horrible to each other in shops and on transport or because they don't agree with an opinion or belief, to earning capacity being rewarded by advancing at the expense of others, to parents cheating and pretending to have a religious faith to get their children into a certain school. The list is long and insidious.
It's not our children who lack empathy in our society, they are just creating protective barriers, as children do, to try and have some place in an increasingly toxic society created by the adults.
But 11 can be an age where they transition from being sweet and parent pleasing to being unsure about how to react which they tend to cover with saying every is embarrassing. The contrast can be difficult for us parents to accept when it's happening and we can take it very personally, which generally it isn't.

i totally disagree. My children are entirely different. Same parents.

One (with additional needs) would react very differently than the others.

If she is this way with everyone then yes I would be worried she lacked empathy .

Meh, maybe her mother has a personality disorder.

What’s her reaction when she falls over, has an accident, etc?

Agree. It's an extreme thing to label your 11 year old child cold and heartless because she was not full of outward emotion when you were brought home by two men after falling over. Especially if there's a pattern of drama, which there might or might not be, we don't know. But if we had to guess, I would go with there is.

Well, yet again we have a pointless MN pile-on carrying on long after the OP has completely disappeared from the thread! What is the point?? What do you all gain from giving her such a kicking?

We’re now never going to know whether the OP is over dramatic or whether her DD completely lacks empathy. Yes, the OP does sound like she might have been OTT, though there’s no way of knowing how badly hurt she actually was. But her DD does also sound quite callous. (Not to mention very rude to her mother.)

My money's on NPD.

She's 11 years old. My god there's something really wrong with some people on here.

OP she's just a kid, if you want her to be more empathetic then you need to model that and encourage her to do the same.

Calling her cold and heartless is not the way to do that.

Speak for yourself. I wasnt like that at all and would be mortified if my children were and very hurt and also worried like OP why they were so mean and nasty. What's she like at school, the class bully I wonder.

Some kids are just very awkward about emotions, particularly their parents', and particularly girls around this age. I think people easily get judgemental of girls being like this where they wouldn't mind it so much in boys so it's a bit a of sexist thing too.

I agree with this. Look at the popularity of 'zero tolerance' education policies in secondary schools and the disaster that has proved for a lot of sensitive children or those with additional needs. That's just a single example.

How can we expect our children to learn tolerance and compassion for others if we don't show it to them?