Cold heartless daughter

[Beeings]

My daughter is 11. I went out to shop earlier and unfortunately fell. Two work men who were nearby came over to make sure I was ok and then helped me home. My daughter opened the door to see me hobbling up the path being supported by these two guys and her reaction? An eye roll. One of the guys said “your mum has just fallen” to which she rolled her eyes again and said “right”.

When they had gone I asked her why she’s so uncaring and she said I make a Rama out of everything and “why couldn’t you just walk home like a normal person? There isn’t even anything wrong with you”.

She’s always been like this, so cold and uncaring, why? AIBU to be upset by her reaction?

This is exactly what I was coming on here to write.

Watch some of the YouTube videos and workshops on girls with autism by Tony Attwood the worldwide expert on girls with autism - girls hide it a lot easier than boys

I think she may have a point. 2 workmen? Was 1 not enough? 1 might even be too many. Bit of a drama declaring your 11 year old is cold and heartless and making a MN thread about it.

Yes she is a psychopath and will kill you and your canary in your sleep. Feel better?

so why couldn't you just walk home like a normal person?

This. Do you fall over a lot/cry a lot op? Lots of drama going on?
Am actually surprised there's been no mn outrage about the 11yo being home alone!!

Do you fall over a cry a lot then? Is something missing from your post, are you elderly/infirm/disabled? I can’t remember the last time I fell over, certainly not to the extent I cried or had to be helped home.

The thing standing out to me is that you allowed two strangers to find out where you live whilst you're possibly mildly physically injured. That's poor personal security.

I wonder if your daughter sort of knows that without knowing it - I'm sure she'll have been told not to share her home address with strangers.

On the one hand, maybe she's right and you do overreact to everything.

Or, she's confident she's right but isn't really because she's 11 and whatever your parents do when you're 11 is embarrassing.

Or something's gone a bit wrong between the two of you. It's not wrong to expect some empathy. But it's not generally reasonable to expect adult style emotional support from a child. It isn't her job to manage your feelings. She may be saying 'no' in a dismissive way to being your support person. You'll probably get more support from her if you can be clear that you're ok / you are responsible for your own feelings/ you have other adults you can talk to as well.

Or, maybe she's just not yet able to cope with the idea that you're human and at risk of injury.

Agree with this. Sounds like it could be written by my mother. I apparently don’t have a heart 🙄 been that way for 30 odd years and no longer speak to her.

Meh I was that kid. Wouldn’t have dared to say as I’d get even more drama or depending on her mood abuse , but I definitely thought it. It was always something or other , always the victim.

I’m a very empathetic and sympathetic adult, and it’s other people saying that.

Maybe she was a little shy/nervous to react infront of the 2 blokes?

It’s very damning to describe an 11 year old as “cold and heartless” when she’s still so young. It’s not like she’s torturing small animals, she seemingly struggles with expressing and verbalising appropriate emotions. She’s still a child.

Most definitely not true of my 11year old DD. She is very compassionate and caring. It’s really unhelpful to make such ridiculous generalisations about an entire generation of young people.

I think it’s much easier for kids to show compassion and empathy if they have been shown, consistently, compassion and empathy. It never ceases to amaze me that parents seem to expect kids to show better behaviour than they show themselves.

My DD would’ve been mortified at that age to be honest and to some extent so would I! Did you really need two men to help you home OP? I have chronic back issues which mean I am quite prone to trips/falls - I’d much rather deal with it myself than have strangers fussing over me. I’m not sure what you expect an 11yo to do to be honest. She’s not your caretaker and I’m sure she found the situation awkward/didn’t know how to react.

I was very careful to say I wasn't stigmatising a whole generation.

I was talking about my experience of children and teenagers which has been very poor. I have been on the receiving end of their unpleasantness which has been extreme enough to involve police and anti social behaviour officers who have backed up my assessment of the young people involved.

I know rationally all young people aren't the same and I'm pleased your dd is a compassionate and caring person.

Do you cry a lot in front of her? Are you always expecting sympathy for various things?

As PPs pointed out, it’s hard to judge fo m this alone.

It really depends on the fall. If someone smashes their face into the concrete I’d be checking on them rather than feeling awkward that they are crying, which might be a normal, involuntary reaction to pain.

Some people are just naturally more stoic and less overtly emotional. That is quite normal, and does not constitute a disorder. Similarly, empathy exists on a spectrum, and having less of it is not inherently disordered either.

It can quickly become very tedious when someone tries to insist that you must act in the way they deem acceptable. It can be impossible difficult to deal with very emotional people that expect a performative level of fawning empathy on a daily basis. You’ve given a snapshot without the necessary context.

You fell over, cried and needed helped home? Are you 5? Or 90?

Do you always make a drama out of everything?

i dont think op is coming back.

"Demanding nightmare mother". There, fixed the headline for you. She's only 11 you fucking dick.

I am a bit surprised by some of these responses. I do not have an 11-year-old but I do have a 10-year-old. He would be immediately springing to my help if I fell. He would be so upset if I was actually injured. Maybe that would all change in 12 months from now When he is 11 and not 10

Do you have a habit of falling over or needing assistance?

Agree, although if thread had been full of 'awww hun!! You poor love!! What a cruel and unusual child! How sharper than a serpent's tooth she is!!' may have been different...

I would have reacted like this at that age to my mum too. She never cared about my emotions and also describes me as cold and heartless. Ironically, I'm the opposite but not with her. Work on your relationship because something isn't right there. I'm no contact with my mum now and it's the best decision I've ever made. Don't let your daughter feel that way one day.

It presumably you don’t regularly make a drama out of falling over? You don’t cry regularly in front of him/her? There are clues in the OP that she is a bit of a drama llama and this might her child’s reason for responding this way.