Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this the life of a stepparent?

406 replies

tokoyo · 26/10/2025 15:01

I am in a long term relationship with DP, and we’re set to marry on Christmas Eve. We don’t have any shared DC, just DSS4.

DSS is a lovely little boy, we have a great relationship. I love spending time with him and I do miss him when he goes to his mums! Me and his mum get on very well. DP is a good dad and is amicable with DSS mum, so it works nicely.

This morning DP said he was going to work for a few hours this morning and said I’d need to look after DSS. No problem - I organised a fun morning with creative play and a trip to the park. When DP got back DSS was excited to show him his drawings but DP wasn’t interested.

DP then announced he was getting a shower because he was cold. This was despite me entertaining DSS since 8am this morning! I just said ok and carried on playing with DSS. DP then came down and said he felt unwell and hungry. I asked what he’d like to eat - he said he didn’t know but he was “extremely hungry”. Since he’s come back the whole vibe has changed - we’re all now in silence watching television.

DP has snapped at me saying “I’m allowed to be quiet! I just am hungry”.

Not one little bit of thanks for stepping in to look after DSS or making his afternoon fun. Not a hello when he got back. Just off for a shower and scrolling on his phone.

I should add “work” is a very loose term. He’s setting up a business (apparently) with his friend so they went to see a new business premises this morning. He also said he’d be back by 1, but appeared at 2.

Aibu to think he should be more grateful for my support with parenting ?!

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 27/10/2025 18:52

That’s really awful op. Horrible and misogynistic. You need to give serious thought to breaking off the wedding. It’s not too late.

When my marriage ended I thought this quote was very apt: “don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it”

We are here for you every step of the way.

QBTheRoundestOfBees · 27/10/2025 22:46

tokoyo · 27/10/2025 07:24

I have spoken to my brother this morning (he has a 2 year old so was up at 5am!) and he has said he will come and see me once DN is at nursery. He is shocked at DPs behaviour and has called him a “chancer”. Hopefully DP is out when my brother comes because I wouldn’t like to see that interaction.

Well, your brother is not wrong.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/10/2025 09:31

I'm hoping you will come back and fill us in on what your brother has said.

Also hoping you'll tell us that you are financially secure and the house is all in your own name and he will be booted out to support himself.

Dunderheided · 28/10/2025 19:18

Yes - do come back and tell us where you’re at. Look out for yourself!

TMMC1 · 29/10/2025 13:34

How you write suggests this isn’t normal behaviour for him. Something has happened. Fallen out with partner? Lost money on something? This isn’t about you or DSS. Can you have a supportive loving caring chat with him away from DSS?

Dweetfidilove · 29/10/2025 13:42

So he's a regular asshole. At least you're entering marriage aware.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread