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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I out of touch or is DD and her friend being rude?

923 replies

MySef · 26/10/2025 12:02

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

Pumpkin carving - this was met with huffing and puffing, both sat there not wanting to get involved and sighing when asked to do anything

Board game - same attitude, both huffing and puffing that they didn’t want to do it.

Movie night with popcorn - I put The Twits on - this was met with groans and accusations of being babyish. Friend whispering to DD that they could just go upstairs in their own.

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed, more whispering that they could just go upstairs on their own.

So this morning, they come downstairs and I said I would make pancakes, heard friend whispering to DD “is this another thing where we all have to sit around together?”. DD complaining saying they didn’t want anything for breakfast.

DD then comes in and announces that they want to go out for a walk, fine - I start putting my shoes on and hear friend whispering to DD “do we have to do everything with your mum?” DD snapping at me that they wanted to go on their own.

They’ve now gone out and I’m sat here seething, all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist. More upset with DD as I feel she knows better.

DH saying I’m out of touch and should have left them to it.

AIBU

OP posts:
daleylama · 27/10/2025 01:13

MySef · 26/10/2025 15:33

Thanks for all the replies.

We bought the pumpkins on Friday with the intention of carving them on the sleepover which DD was initially up for

the board game - DD had grumbled about this when I first mentioned it but I only wanted her to give an hour to it out of the whole evening. I love board games and very rarely get to play them and this seemed like a great opportunity to get the kids doing something sociable rather than hiding away in a bedroom.

The Twits was the No.1 recommended film on Netflix, I’d been looking forward to watching it which DD knew. They wanted to watch films that were entirely inappropriate

DD normally loved hot chocolate and had been looking forward to this, however changed her mind when it actually came to it - same with pancakes

So, kindly, but . two of three were because you wanted to do /run them. Time to loosen apron strings. Hard call I know.

babyproblems · 27/10/2025 01:30

Sez1990 · 26/10/2025 12:11

If they’re old enough to go for a walk on their own then they were probably expecting the type of sleepover where they hang out and chat in your DD’s room, choose a film themselves and eat pizza/whatever in their PJs. It’s nice that you made an effort and they could have said something kindly instead of huffing and puffing, but sounds like you were too involved

Agree with this.
I think at 10 they’re allowed to choose what they do for some of the time. I’m definitely it planning on organising back to back activities for my kid and his mates at 10.. if have bought a couple of pumpkins or maybe another Halloween activity idea and the rest of it is have left up to them. x

Mumtobabyhavoc · 27/10/2025 01:32

BelatrixLestrange · 26/10/2025 17:36

It's really not. Op is behaving as if she has no adult friends. It's a bit sad.

Show quote history

You sound unkind.

SweetnsourNZ · 27/10/2025 01:45

Don't be too hard on yourself. Of course you are not going to know the norms for sleepovers if you never had them yourself. You will know for next time so just relax. No one gets this parenting thing right all the time as times change and a children are different anyway. The bigger picture shows a caring mum and that's the main thing.

Umy15r03lcha1 · 27/10/2025 02:32

Yeah they're rude, but they didn't want to play with you and 10 yo don't need that kind of micromanaging

ChillBarrog · 27/10/2025 03:26

MySef · 26/10/2025 15:33

Thanks for all the replies.

We bought the pumpkins on Friday with the intention of carving them on the sleepover which DD was initially up for

the board game - DD had grumbled about this when I first mentioned it but I only wanted her to give an hour to it out of the whole evening. I love board games and very rarely get to play them and this seemed like a great opportunity to get the kids doing something sociable rather than hiding away in a bedroom.

The Twits was the No.1 recommended film on Netflix, I’d been looking forward to watching it which DD knew. They wanted to watch films that were entirely inappropriate

DD normally loved hot chocolate and had been looking forward to this, however changed her mind when it actually came to it - same with pancakes

It does sound like you created a sleepover for you, rather than them.

Amba1998 · 27/10/2025 03:57

MySef · 26/10/2025 15:33

Thanks for all the replies.

We bought the pumpkins on Friday with the intention of carving them on the sleepover which DD was initially up for

the board game - DD had grumbled about this when I first mentioned it but I only wanted her to give an hour to it out of the whole evening. I love board games and very rarely get to play them and this seemed like a great opportunity to get the kids doing something sociable rather than hiding away in a bedroom.

The Twits was the No.1 recommended film on Netflix, I’d been looking forward to watching it which DD knew. They wanted to watch films that were entirely inappropriate

DD normally loved hot chocolate and had been looking forward to this, however changed her mind when it actually came to it - same with pancakes

This is all abit “me me me”

watch the twits if you want. Play a board game if you want. but you don’t need to micromanage your child’s play date

Amauve · 27/10/2025 04:20

NerrSnerr · 26/10/2025 18:05

My daughter has some friends whose parents sound similar so you’re not alone, but there does come a point where you need to let them become their own person. Maybe now is the time to start thinking about you and making your own friends by finding a hobby or something.

Show quote history

Bit of a stretch to say she's not letting her daughter be her own person just because she pitched the activities for a sleepover slightly wrong for the age range. Don't make more of it than it is.

Amauve · 27/10/2025 04:21

And where does OP say she doesn't have her own friends or hobbies already? You're really projecting here.

Braygirlnow · 27/10/2025 04:23

You ment well but is a bit controlling, when my dc was that age and had a sleep over, they entertained themselves, have pizza and snacks at the ready, thats it really, sometimes less is more. We live and learn.

Zanzara · 27/10/2025 04:53

Swiftie1878 · 26/10/2025 12:07

I’m waiting to hear they’re 18 years old! 😂😂😂😂

My money was on 23! 🤣

notthisagain2025 · 27/10/2025 05:11

It's not that you are "out of touch", as your behaviour and expectations were never normal, not in previous generations or this one.

Of course you should have left them to it. How embarrassing for your daughter.

LillyPJ · 27/10/2025 05:25

Your DD may well have been up for these activities beforehand but her friend obviously thought they were too young and your DD had to agree. They were trying to show each other how 'grown up' they are by sneering. It does sound like you chose things that YOU wanted to do! Well done for making all that effort (I never did) and yes, they were rude, but now you know you can back off and leave them to it.

aurynne · 27/10/2025 06:02

Has everyone forgotten hot it feels to be a child? I don't know about you, but for me as a child, other children's mums were weird. When I went to their houses, I did not want to spend time with them, I wanted to spend time with my friend. My friend's mum sitting to watch a movie with us, supervising activities opr wanting to join in would have been extremely uncomfortable and cringey.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 27/10/2025 06:05

MySef · 26/10/2025 18:01

Clearly I got this wrong. I spent my childhood at boarding school and no I didn’t have any friends. Nor do I now. I messed up but it wasn’t out of malice.

@MySef parenting is a never ending learning curve. The next sleepover will
go better I am sure. 💐.

Member984815 · 27/10/2025 06:10

They'll have wanted to do their own thing, it's hard when to know they need entertaining at this age and when to step back . Your idea of a sleepover sounds lovely it's just not what they wanted . Don't beat yourself up about it

Bournetilly · 27/10/2025 06:12

They were rude but you were OTT and they probably just wanted to do their own thing.

You cant rely on your DDs friend coming round to play a board game and if you wanted to watch the film waiting for your DDs friend to come round isn’t the time. They wouldn’t want to watch films with parents present.

If they are old enough to go for a walk alone I wouldn’t have expected to go with them.

Wildgoat · 27/10/2025 06:12

Amauve · 27/10/2025 04:21

And where does OP say she doesn't have her own friends or hobbies already? You're really projecting here.

She doesn’t say hobbies, but she does say she has no friends, you do need to read her posts at least.

Wildgoat · 27/10/2025 06:18

DreamTheMoors · 26/10/2025 22:44

You love your daughter and by those rules you did the right thing.

I wouldn’t allow that whispering troublemaker back over - but I’d be careful how you word that to your daughter. Sometimes kids rebel against rules like that and go behind their parents’ backs to hang out with forbidden kids.
I did. And you know what? My mum was wrong.
But my mum is gone now and it makes no difference.
Your daughter will learn soon enough whether that little girl is good or bad all on her own.

Sending love from afar to a very good mum ❤️

Please do not do this, ban this girl from your home. This is probably some of the worst advice I’ve seen on here, ruining her sleep over then doubling down and ending the friendship. I’m stunned anyone actually wrote that.

SassyCow · 27/10/2025 06:21

I get you wanted to make it fun for them and it's lovely what you planned. I think they just wanted time together though, my DD would've been the same. I'm sorry it upset you, I would be too as a lot of thought was put in to it. Your DD may have been embarrassed when she was showing uncertainty to things she usually loves.

FullLondonEye · 27/10/2025 06:22

Amauve · 27/10/2025 04:21

And where does OP say she doesn't have her own friends or hobbies already? You're really projecting here.

Er, yesterday in her post at 19.01:

Clearly I got this wrong. I spent my childhood at boarding school and no I didn’t have any friends. Nor do I now. I messed up but it wasn’t out of malice.

Maybe read the thread? Or at least the OP’s posts.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 27/10/2025 06:46

Tootiredforthis23 · 26/10/2025 15:44

She might love the idea of those things when it’s just the two of you OP, but when her friends there she’s not going to want to do the same things. And an hour is a long time to spend expecting them to play with you, it’s a sleepover for them, not for you. What movies did they want to watch?

You’re going to have to adjust to the fact that she’s growing up, she may have been fine with you being involved with her friends when she was younger but now she’s getting older that’s going to change. If you insist on micromanaging her friendships and how she and her friends spend time together she’s going to find it hard to maintain friendships. She’s not going to want to be the weird girl whose mom still treats her like a 6 year old. And she’s only going to end up resenting you.

She’s nearly a teenager now, you’re going to have to ride out the next few years of her friendships being more important than you and her needing to be more independent of you. She’s just growing up, there will be a point where doing things like carving pumpkins are fun again but for now it’s all about being ‘cool’.

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Totally agree with this post - also wanted to add-

And an hour is a long time to spend expecting them to play with you

When OP said she ONLY wanted them to spend an hour playing the board game:s SHE wanted to play, it wasn’t just one hour of the evening she was monopolising. She wouldn’t have let them pumpkin carve alone, she probably wouldn’t have let them eat or have their hot chocolate alone, she wanted them to watch a film SHE wanted to see WITH HER, she was even preparing to go on the ‘escape’ walk with them til she was stopped.

OP, be honest, had you prepared your own sleeping bag in your daughters bedroom/ the lounge as well?

RightThenRightAgain · 27/10/2025 06:54

lollypop42 · 26/10/2025 23:01

no, i’m afraid not. I’d give them all the
freedom indoors but i would still want to know what film they are watching and then let them
get on with it. The guest was rude and i’d be mortified if my child acted like
that. 10 is still quite young !

Show quote history

You don’t keep children safe by keeping them inside. It’s your job to prepare them for life and going for a walk in their own neighbourhood with a friend when they ten is a part of that.

Tolkienista · 27/10/2025 07:03

Member984815 · 27/10/2025 06:10

They'll have wanted to do their own thing, it's hard when to know they need entertaining at this age and when to step back . Your idea of a sleepover sounds lovely it's just not what they wanted . Don't beat yourself up about it

That's exactly what I was going to say.
As a teacher of this age group, girls know each other well & exactly what they want to do.
The only thing I would have planned for is the food, everything else just leave it to them.

MrsDoubtfire1 · 27/10/2025 07:04

My child had a friend when she was 18 whose mother would follow them around town and go into the same coffee shop and sit at another table. The mother was really weird and the girl could not get away from home soon enough to get to university and stay as far away from the mother as she could.

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