Am I out of touch or is DD and her friend being rude?

[MySef]

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

Pumpkin carving - this was met with huffing and puffing, both sat there not wanting to get involved and sighing when asked to do anything

Board game - same attitude, both huffing and puffing that they didn’t want to do it.

Movie night with popcorn - I put The Twits on - this was met with groans and accusations of being babyish. Friend whispering to DD that they could just go upstairs in their own.

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed, more whispering that they could just go upstairs on their own.

So this morning, they come downstairs and I said I would make pancakes, heard friend whispering to DD “is this another thing where we all have to sit around together?”. DD complaining saying they didn’t want anything for breakfast.

DD then comes in and announces that they want to go out for a walk, fine - I start putting my shoes on and hear friend whispering to DD “do we have to do everything with your mum?” DD snapping at me that they wanted to go on their own.

They’ve now gone out and I’m sat here seething, all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist. More upset with DD as I feel she knows better.

DH saying I’m out of touch and should have left them to it.

AIBU

Me too. 😂 it came back to bite me though Dd1 had several "sleepovers" at 15/16

To be honest at that age they wouldn’t need you to entertain them. They would be happy with each other for company. Wouldn’t really like their mom joining in on the sleep over bit embarrassing.

OP you are not a cool parent. As long as there is no drink, loads of mess, breakages and watching over 18 films - they are being OK.

Board games etc all lovely things to do as a family, when their friends come over you give them pizza and leave them to it.

Dressing up as Madonna and trying on her mums heels
Hair brush for a Mike in the mirror
Watching Gremlins or nightmare on elm street
Eating loads of toast and penguins
Practising kissing on back of our hands
Poking around in the parents bedroom spraying perfume and looking in drawers
Making a prank call to the parents of another friend (if the padlock was off the hallway phone)
Making potions
Cutting up magazines and making collages
Playing our tapes /recording ourselves singing
Trying to catch the attention of the older brother and his mate who ignored us
Squeezing blackheads and doing face steaming over the washing up bowl with a towel
Trying Cinzamo
The parents were always out or had friends over downstairs being raucous !
Good times

There are times when my dc have had sleepovers and they have wanted me to join in playing games but you have to let them come to you. You are there if they want or need you but other than that you don’t impinge on them.

How on earth did you think that your 10 year old daughter's sleepover was an opportunity FOR YOU to play boardgames?
So bizarre.

And watching the Twits- did it even occur to you to wonder if the girls wanted to watch it with you?

Your DD and her friends are not there for your socialisation.

No wonder the girls were whispering like that in front of you, perhaps they thought it was the only way for you to get the message.

Sleepovers are about the little friends giggling and playing on their own, not spending time with adults. Find some grown ups who like board games, if your dc are not into them at the moment.

Crikey calm down...

They're 10, not 5.. and you're behaving like a level 10 clinger.

No wonder the friend asked if they could do anything without you there.

While i get that DD was sort of up for some of it beforehand, her friend obviously wasnt, and you hanging around and trying to play games, and watch the movie WITH them, rather than leaving them to it must have made your poor DD feel absolutely mortified.

Save those things for mum/daughter time and let your DD and her Friends run their own sleepovers.

ETA: You do need to talk to your DD about being more polite and explaining her feelings if something similar happens, but also.. do you and your DD have the kind of relationship where she could have asked you to leave them alone without you getting butthurt?

At that age, I might have had a couple of things up my sleeve for them to do together in case they got bored

This, and I'd be prepared for my child to not want to do things she likes to do normally if a friend thinks they're babyish.

The only thing I'd wonder about is the kids going out alone, but that's going to depend on the particular kids and the neighbourhood.

There's a lot there about what you like and what you wanted to do. It's not healthy that you tag on to your DDs sleepover to try and have your own fun.

Lol "being sociable". They did want to be sociable. With each other, "hiding away in the bedroom" like most girls of that age with, you know, their mates. Not their mate and mate's mum who's not at all interested in what they themselves want to do and sees them as being about five years younger than they actually are.

I mean, I know all parents are "meant" to be embarrassing to some extent, but this... sheez. It's excruciating. And must have been mortifying for her.

Hmmm. I’m wondering what exactly is going on here. You wanted your DD to devote a full hour to playing a board game because it’s an activity that you enjoy? You wanted to watch The Twits so you insisted that your DD and her friend had to watch it? That goes beyond micromanaging. It’s making your child’s sleepover all about you in a very odd way. 🤔 Out of interest, what were the “inappropriate” films that the girls suggested?

The kids were behaving exactly the way you'd expect them to given how you were acting. I can't imagine what the little friend went home and told her parents about her sleepover experience. But I highly doubt she'll want to come again. And who could blame her.

They were a bit rude but your dd wanted to be cool in front of her friend. They were probably looking forward to doing their own thing and didn't handle it very well when you wanted to be involved. I hate sleepovers, but I always just made sure I had plenty of junk food in and left them to it. They knew where I was if they wanted me (they never did).

Not everyone wants their ten-year-olds going out for a walk on their own, though.

Your DH is very right. You sound like an absolute nightmare

Sorry OP but I think you really overcrowded them. Next time leave them to hang out alone and play, gossip, giggle, whatever. No kids here but by the time I was 11 my friends and I had crushes on boys and wanted to giggle about that at sleepovers, no way would we have wanted anyone's mum getting involved.

How come she hasn't had a sleepover before? Sounds like this first one was a bit of a learning curve and you'll hit the mark better next time.

🤣🤣 you looked forward to the movie and board games (whilst no one else did!). Was the sleepover for you or DD?? Get a life (and some friends!)

This is all about you, what you wanted and what you were looking forward to.

It wasn’t your sleepover. It wasn’t your friend. They didn’t want to play with you. Grow up.

@MySef
Have you taken anything on board from what’s been said to you on this thread, about how unreasonable you were toward your daughter and her friend?

So you wanted to watch The Twits with them? I am cringing, sorry OP.

As the parent you don't exist during a sleepover - you just pop your head around the door every now and again - you sound rather smothering.

You seemed to perceive it as a joint sleepover and family day with you as well. You were way too overinvolved and gave the vibes of this being an organised/supervised after school club with a schedule to adhere to than your DD having a friend over.

Where was the time for them just to hang out together? Most 10 year olds want to hang out in their rooms and talk nonsense. If they are going to watch a movie generally the kids pick and parents only get veto right if inappropriate.

Are they Y6? You were OTT and probably embarrassed your DD. They are growing up.