Am I out of touch or is DD and her friend being rude?

[MySef]

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

Pumpkin carving - this was met with huffing and puffing, both sat there not wanting to get involved and sighing when asked to do anything

Board game - same attitude, both huffing and puffing that they didn’t want to do it.

Movie night with popcorn - I put The Twits on - this was met with groans and accusations of being babyish. Friend whispering to DD that they could just go upstairs in their own.

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed, more whispering that they could just go upstairs on their own.

So this morning, they come downstairs and I said I would make pancakes, heard friend whispering to DD “is this another thing where we all have to sit around together?”. DD complaining saying they didn’t want anything for breakfast.

DD then comes in and announces that they want to go out for a walk, fine - I start putting my shoes on and hear friend whispering to DD “do we have to do everything with your mum?” DD snapping at me that they wanted to go on their own.

They’ve now gone out and I’m sat here seething, all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist. More upset with DD as I feel she knows better.

DH saying I’m out of touch and should have left them to it.

AIBU

The Twits? My DD9 would have been mortified! I would not have watched the movie with them. I'd have just passed them the remote and kept checking they weren't watching squid games. It's all about Kpop demon hunters at the min.

I would also let them go on a walk by themselves and would not have expected them to play boars games with me.

You had good plans but for a younger child

It's not about what YOU want, though

I think the hot chocolate and pancakes probably would have been appreciated if they hadn't had all the other activities. Your DD was probably getting a bit embarrassed by that point that she kept having to do activities with her mum when her friend was round and clearly didn't want to

In future leave them to it. By all means suggest a film if they seem bored, but you don't need to plan a raft of activities. And take the hint if activities you have planned aren't well received!

I'm sure your DD probably would enjoy an evening with her mum watching the twits, but again not when her friend is round and she's wanting to seem cool and grown up!

Omg, at 10 I'd have been entirely mortified if my mum did this at a sleepover. They just wanted to chat shit and mess around together and you kept inserting yourself with activities you specifically wanted to do.

They were undoubtedly rude but I think you sound over invested. They should be allowed to do what they think is fun (in an age appropriate and supervised way) not what you think is fun.

Sounds as if it were a sleepover for you and not your daughter. Next time take a step back and let them be.

You have completely overstepped in my opinion. I practically wear camouflage gear when my dc have friends over. I provide the ‘makings’ of activities and I make food and put it on the table. But that’s it. I don’t get involved with what they are doing and I definitely don’t watch a movie with them or anything like that.

My oldest is eighteen now and I’ve got good relationships with her friends now because know I’m not an overbearing loon. I was asked for advice about exam options, I’ve helped with personal statements and I’m the one they text when something happens.

Depends on their age of course. If they're under 9 her friend is being a brat. If they're nearer 20 YABU 😉

Unfortunately I think your response makes it worse.

It sounds as if the whole thing was about you and what you wanted to do.

Would there have been anything wrong with the girls entertaining themselves in your DD’s bedroom?

In the kindest way, you’ve thanked everyone for the comments but your 3rd response doesn’t sound as if you’ve taken any of the responses on board.

I think next time, you just need to leave them to it without getting involved.

The sleepover was about them spending time with each other, not with you. My DD is 9 and some of this would have felt a little OTT for her.

I’m pretty sure I read the Twits as a class book when I taught year two. It’s not a ten year olds book IMO.

OP you said thanks for all the replies but did you actually read any of them?

Your response here is bizzare.

Best sleepovers I had as a 10 year old usually involved almost 0 parental involvement and a smidgen of dabbling with the occult 😆

Sorry OP but it sounds like maybe you could arrange a board game night for yourself and some friends (or a night away)?

Wow, OP. It's really not about you and what you like.

Talk about being the third wheel!

I am really shocked that you made her play a board game because YOU wanted to.

"Entirely inappropriate" how? Which films?

The fact that you think The Twits is an appropriate choice for two ten year olds (again, god, how mortifying) suggests that the films they wanted to watch probably weren't inappropriate at all.

Your update doesn't make this any better, OP. You're ridiculous, and smothering your poor daughter. Let her grow up, FFS. She's not five any more.

It seems as if you were thinking of the sleepover as a social event for your own enjoyment and now you are feeling rather hurt. You can watch The Twits whenever you want if that's your idea of fun and suggest boardgames when it's just your family. You sound too controlling and over involved! I would try to relax next time and let your DD lead on what she wants to do...within reason of course!

I wanted this and I wanted that

There's your problem

So you wanted to play a board game so forced them to do it. You wanted to watch a certain film so forced them to watch it?

On the bright side, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about organising another sleepover anytime soon!

I don’t even entertain my my 7 year old (5 at the time of first sleepovers), let alone the 9 or 11 year old. That would be embarrassing for them. The 11 year old and his friend came down and asked if I could help them bake a cake recently and I was surprised. Leave them be.

A sleepover and the activities done during one are not for the benefit of the parent. DD's friend is not there to see you. You were rude, not the girls, you inserted yourself into someone else's meet up. Perhaps invite a friend of yours over to play board games and have a glass of wine?

What were the inappropriate films?

And the time to force your child to play board games is not when she’s got a friend staying over

I was going to say that you sounded very thoughtful and had clearly put a lot of effort into the sleepover, even if you were overbearing. However, having read your follow-up, I don't think you sound very thoughtful at all and you've maybe even been a bit rude yourself. The evening seems to have been all about what you wanted to do. YOU wanted to play a board game. YOU wanted to watch The Twits.

That’s so extreme! They’re only 10 not 17. You can’t simultaneously think 10 year olds need constant supervision and also hold them to the etiquette standards of older teenagers…. I think OP should just get over it to be honest and move on and be less OTT in future.

If YOU want to carve pumpkins, play board games and watch the twits YOU invite your friend for a sleepover 😂