I’ve been accused of bullying - ridiculous

[Jinjer]

At work on Friday we were holding a meeting and I asked how people would feel about a specific proposal …

Most people either said yay or nay so to speak but one woman went absolutely nuclear, ranting on and on about how it was a terrible proposal and she’d never support it, drawling parallels to other things in place that she disagrees with, raging on about how terrible it all is and how sick of it all she is etc! Everyone was a bit gobsmacked so to lighten the mood I said “so, can I put you down as a maybe?”

Everyone laughed. She didn’t. She got up and stormed out. I now hear she has complained to the manager about me humiliating her and wants it treated as bullying??!

WIBU?! Her rant was very OTT, all she had to say was “no”

I think you were both being unreasonable.
I would have put her down as a no and then said shall we maybe have a 1-1 chat later.

Her rant was OTT. Your response was childish and unprofessional.

Meh, says more about her than you. Some people need to loosen up and be a bit more self aware and take themselves less seriously.

Don't think she needs an apology but treat her as neutrally as possible in future "noted, I've put you down as a no" and move on so you give her no ammunition in the future. I don't like this idea of not having jokes at all in the workplace but do accept that there's certain people you need to be totally straight around because they're humourless bastards

I think as jokes go it was very mild but it may have come across as dismissive of her POV which she may have found belittling. That said if she really was ranting that’s unprofessional and potentially upsetting too.

It was a badly-timed one-off joke which didn't land well. It wasn't bullying.

Just because someone is offended or feels belittled, doesn't necessarily mean what was said to them WAS offensive or belittling. It may well have been, but sometimes the person taking offence is the one behaving badly.

I would have a quick private meeting with her, and apologise for it. No attempt at justification. Just a simple 'I shouldn't have made that joke. I'm very sorry you are upset. It won't happen again.'

Let her vent. Listen closely. And repeat. 'I'm very sorry.' And end the meeting.

The OP is annoyed by her. Other people will, almost certainly, feel the same way. Her working life (and probably home life too) will be much harder than necessary if she continues to overreact to minor irritations. Being angry over life's many, many small bugbears must be exhausting. And, no-one will take her seriously when she has something that genuinely deserves her rage!

Alas, making any remark of a humorous kind is likely to be treated as some kind of aggression these days. So I've certainly ceased almost all attempts at levity in a work setting.

She sounds ridiculous.

However...

Knowing she acts like this, making a joke after her rant was poor judgment. Its not bullying in and of itself but you should have known it would go down badly. Being honest with yourself, did you want to take her down a peg? I know I would want to do that but it isn't the right thing to do in the workplace. A better response would have been to leave an awkward silence and say something like 'Noted' after the pause.

Overall, this is a management issue and the team needs to take her behaviour up with more senior people.

I really hope some of the people on this thread don't become managers!

I very much doubt that the OP's reaction was an attempt to "defuse the situation" - why would anyone think that an upset person would feel better for having everyone laugh at them? I think she was annoyed at the colleague and the sarcastic little jibe followed.

That might not be bullying but it's not professional behaviour.

She was upset and you encouraged people to laugh at her. Yes, that's what a bully does.

Agreed - I have read some awful responses on this site generally to work issues - some of the worst advice ever.

i wonder if some people posting have even held down a job, never mind understand modern workplaces, and the laws and HR policies that apply.

The lady who started this thread behaved poorly. Anyone who have ever had a leadership or managerial role (and been anyway decent in that role) can see that she is in the wrong.

😆🤣😆

I like it.

Agree, a one off isn't bullying. I do think that it was badly judged. Yes this woman sounds a bit annoying but I know I don't do well with being laughed at when I'm feeling upset, it isn't a mood lightener for everyone.

“Ridiculous”

Is this not exactly the response that one would give if they were a bully and accused of such?

Who’s more senior?

I can't see that it's bullying.. unless other situations like this have happened before that you're not telling us. But... it depends on the culture in the office. Did people in that room feel obliged to go along with the proposal and she was the only one who had the guts to speak up and share her opinion (assuming that's what you wanted rather than just a tick box exercise). It takes a bit of guts to do that. Yes, she could have done it more calmly by the sounds of it. But you chose to make a joke out of her expressing something that she clearly feels strongly about and that's not okay and makes you look unprofessional.

Making fun of someone when they are upset is never diffusing the situation. It is winning at their expense aka kicking them when they're down.
Doing that in front of them and their peers is horrible. It is only not bullying if it's a one off, and if you don't know already, it gives those who want to repeat that nastiness your public permission to do so. Now it's bullying.

My first reaction was that your response was okay but reading through the other comments I do see now it could have been humiliating to her. As you were just relaying the message and don’t seem to be her senior, I don’t see it as bullying though I’m no expert on workplace definitions. You made a jokey comment at her expense but couldn’t have known people would all laugh in the way they did. Their response suggests that they all thought she was being OTT too. Are they all bullying her too by laughing? Also for someone who can rant in a meeting like that, making a complaint rather than saying something to you seems an unnecessary escalation. But I don’t think it’s a cross worth dying on, if an apology gets it all over and done with, I’d do it and steer clear in the future.

I'd consider getting this thread taken down. It's quite identifying. And if she recognises it and reads what you have posted about her on here, the original accusation may be the least of your problems.......

As you say she flies off the handle and gets into conflicts all the time, are you really surprised that she has complained about you? It sounds like it completely fits previous form. Just smooth it over, and get on with your job. Don't make comments in future. People already know what she is like.

The very fact the op chooses to start an outing thread about a bullying accusation from yesterday - saying lots of pretty slanderous things about the colleague… sort of speaks volumes about the OP I think

Good point. The last thing op needs is this to appear in tomorrow’s DM.

What was the proposal? was this the company trying to push forward on something that's already divisive in your workplace?

This is bullying in reverse OP, I have experienced this myself.
Her behaviour was unacceptable, and in front of the team.
Might be she has stuff going on outside of work but doesn't excuse her behaviour.
There is more going on here but she needs an informal meeting to be told any more such outbursts and it will be a formal meeting next time.

It sounds like you were just the spoon that cracked the egg. In other words, you inadvertently upset someone who was already very fragile.

Of course it wasn't bullying, and I would imagine that anyone else in the room would back you up on that. It was an innocent attempt to defuse a very weird moment.

Management need to concentrate on what caused this colleague to have such a spectacular outburst/flounce.

There are so many snowflakes on here. If you'd started work in the 1980's you'd know what bullying was. The surgeon I worked for used to chuck scalpels at me if I handed him the wrong instruments.