I’ve been accused of bullying - ridiculous

[Jinjer]

At work on Friday we were holding a meeting and I asked how people would feel about a specific proposal …

Most people either said yay or nay so to speak but one woman went absolutely nuclear, ranting on and on about how it was a terrible proposal and she’d never support it, drawling parallels to other things in place that she disagrees with, raging on about how terrible it all is and how sick of it all she is etc! Everyone was a bit gobsmacked so to lighten the mood I said “so, can I put you down as a maybe?”

Everyone laughed. She didn’t. She got up and stormed out. I now hear she has complained to the manager about me humiliating her and wants it treated as bullying??!

WIBU?! Her rant was very OTT, all she had to say was “no”

It sounds like she behaved inappropriately but it also sounds as if you are dismissive of her. If someone ranted at me in a meeting i would be quite upset, the fact that you were not bothered at all and were able to just make a joke at her expense does look a little as if she is generally not respected or taken seriously in the organisation. That is fertile ground for bullying and allegations of bullying. You should take the complaint seriously and give a sincere apology. Calling it ridiculous just reinforces the existence of the very dynamic you are trying to say doesn't exist.

Great. Unfortunately for OP her audience wasn't comprised of people with your outlook. What you dismiss as 'po faced' is actually people trying to help the OP see that when the workplace is not made up of like minded individuals there are ways to handle situations that minimise the risk of the personal stress and waste of company resources of a grievance process.

All the responses here about how unprofessional your response was is the reason the modern office environment is so damn boring. You can’t even call people out for being dicks in a light hearted way any more. She sounds like a nightmare.🤣

Bigger problems in life. Become self employed or self employed in your mind taking each day at work as your last..

You said nothing wrong, she sounds like a woman who needs to get a life.
What happened to a sense of humour in situations like this....no one died FGS.🙄

You asked how people feel, she gave her answer and you humiliated her. She is right!

This. It was very unemphatic response.

I’d much rather have OP as my manager than those suggesting “I hear what you say, let’s talk about this later” which is management speak for “I haven’t got time for this, shut up”. By replying the way she did she demonstrated that she understood the depth of feeling and made the rest of the group less uncomfortable

Do you mean unempathetic?

Bullying doesnt have to be intentional. Its impact over intent.

If it is a one off it will likely be fine for OP as bullying does have to be repeated. But absolutely agree an apology from OP is the way forward

It sounds like she clearly said no and not maybe which made your ill judged comment sounds very dismissive of her and said in such a manner which led to humiliation due to everyone laughing.

Her behaviour however sounds very over the top which also needs addressing,

Raise a grievance about her behaviour and malicious report of bullying.

Surely the root ie her frequently explosive reactions should be tackled? I agree with @Savethebric‘s response. Ask her what the issue is and why she regularly reacts so angrily. A reminder re professional responses wouldn’t go amiss. I don’t believe the OP’s handling of this was bullying, more like a way of diffusing what sounds like an over the top reactive rant from the colleague. I’d find anyone reacting in such an emotional manner concerning.

You attempted to diffuse a heated situation with humour, she didn't share your humour and felt it dismissed and ridiculed her in front of colleagues.She views that as bullying.
Some would say thats unprofessional of you.Some would say her response is an over sensitive over reaction.
Is there a backstory here?
Also without knowing the proposal its hard to fully understand the issuee fully.
If i was in her position i would have responded to your "a maybe comment" with .
I obviously havent communicated my position well or you havent heard a word i've said.

They’ll know what she’s like. I wouldn’t worry but keep a record of what’s going on

I think you did what you had to do to de-escalate it, I would not apologise.

People getting angry and ranting at meetings
is not just upsetting for the person they are directing it at, but also everyone else in the room. She needs to go on some kind of a coarse about being able to make an objection without losing her temper and storming out of a room and making scenes at meetings. She lost control and now is trying to make it your fault.

I would say that she got out of control and you were trying to calm the situation down.

Anybody else curious to know what the proposal was?

More meetings?

She’s difficult and I am using that euphemistically. I would record everything you can about that meeting while you can remember it.

Then I would put together a timeline of her unacceptable behaviours and get a meeting with my Union Rep.

Nothing useful to add but when I read things like this it makes me so glad I am retired and no longer have to deal with work politics, dramas and difficult personalities. So much more to work than turning up and getting on with your job isn't there?

I worked in a job centre for just under 10 years with volatile customers and line managed a frequently stressed out team so I unfortunately do.

Clearly some people on here don’t know how to read a room and respond accordingly. But good for you that you thought OPs response was hilarious.

Well, @Jinjer I thought it was funny!
But if I were you I'd consider putting in a counter claim against her for her outrageous behaviour first.

We all need to realise that the combination of increased litigation and people with a decreased desire to work means the workplace is not the place for humour/having a laugh/banter or even lightening the mood (as here).

I’d apologise immediately to her - ‘Sorry I said that’ as opposed to the non apology of
‘Sorry if you were upset’ - and say that you will be more careful in future.

Discuss openly with HR, explaining you have apologised profusely and suggest they organise a course for the company on appropriate responses, to show that you are sincere about this not happening again.

MN on the whole is batshit about workplace issues. Never ask for advice on here unless you're prepared to filter out 90% of the responses and focus on the people who actually understand modern workplaces.

I don't think taking the piss out of someone who's just expressed strong, passionately held views on something is going to end well.

You did that annoying manager thing of asking for input without actually wanting input. Her view on this issue was presumably something she'd thought about in depth and it should have been taken seriously, even if she'd messed up her communication.

I have been there - I've started expressing what I thought was a cogent, detailed perspective and a minute in realised that oh shit, this is a rant.

I've also sat in meetings where I've felt like the odd one out because everyone just wants to sign off on something because the higher-ups said so or because it'll make their lives easier in the short term, and no one seems to have seen the glaring issues with that thing. I've had to dig my nails into my hands to prevent myself going off on one and thankfully have largely succeeded.

It may be that her opinion was the result of being not fully informed, or off base in whatever way - in this case you should have given her the information so that she didn't feel out of the loop. It may be that her opinion had validity, in which case it should have been taken on board. What you absolutely shouldn't have done was take the piss out of her in front of everyone else.

Yes, it was a joke, it was humour - and she was the butt of it. It was a joke at her expense, not a joke that included her. She already felt like the odd one out for her opinion and you rubbed it in. I'm not surprised she's escalating it.