Visitors turning up to stay has ruined my weekend

[Teizzz]

Relatives have turned up to stay unannounced from 60 miles away. I was looking forward to having a very chilled weekend watching what I wanted on tv and snacking with some lovely walks.

AIBU to think its rude to turn up unannounced?

Utterly beyond rude!

What the hell? I wouldn't have even let them in 🤣 would have said i was busy all weekend.. sorry!

wait til your parents are dead then think again.

Come on @Teizzz
Come back and give us some context.

It is really bizarre to turn up on someone's doorstep and "tell them" you are staying over. There must be some context.

Perhaps you can also explain why you've just not said "No, you're not" ?

Absolutely.

It's not my concern. I don't want them in my house, it's not convenient, I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my home.

We all have different relationships with our relatives.

Sorry I’m actually going away tomorrow very early so you’ll either have to go tonight or first thing in the morning…

My in laws nearly came (300 miles away) unannounced. Luckily they had told my BIL who just mentioned it in passing. We were actually packing to go away. They were furious because apparently saying at Christmas that they were coming ‘sometime this year’ meant we had to be prepared for them to visit at any time. At least they sulked and didn’t come for a few years.

you may want to reconsider the context of my comment.

Yikes ! My worst nightmare - I feel your discomfort and annoyance!

Tell them that. Its perfectly reasonable. They have been there two hours or so, and can go home now.

Always answer the door with your coat on and holding your keys.

Then you can be either just going out or just getting in depending on who it is.

Extremely rude. Especially for a stay over. They had at least a few hours to phone you and ask even if it was planned last minute. Idk do people think stuff like this is a nice surprise? I’d make it very clear that if they do it again they won’t be let in.

It’s always going to be rude, but it would be really nice to have some context!!

I would have said something along the lines of "Oh, what a shame. If I had known you were coming I wouldn't have made arrangements for this weekend. It's lovely to see you but I have plans. I'll make you a cup of tea before you go, but we will have to rearrange for another weekend"

One is.

The knowledge that a relative may not outlive you doesn’t mean you should happily accept being treated badly during their life

They’re only 60 miles from home - off they pop back in their car and back home! YANBU, obvs.

just checking…

It was rude of them but what was their reason for turning up unannounced? Most people don't do that unless they've had an emergency, cr broken down on route somewhere for example.

People actually have the gall to do this?! No op I'd just be telling them sorry no it doesn't suit right now. Especially if they're expecting to be "hosted"by you ie fed watered and entertained.

Very unreasonable regardless of how closely or remotely you’re related. Send them packing back to where they came from.

Just tell them its not convenient, 60 miles isnt much they can be home in a hour or so.

Do they know you’re on your own? And do they think they are doing something nice FOR YOU by coming to see you?
Doesn’t happen very often but occasionally DH and the DC have gone away for something, just a night or two, and I think wonderful, a night alone whereas my mum and sis think oh no, you’re all on your own, however will you cope, I’ll come to stay with you… expecting that I will be able to look after them as they will have made the effort to get to me 😳🙄
Needless to say I always say thank you but No Thank you very firmly but I think that they are obviously not so happy in their own skin as they always want to be with others whereas I’ve always been happy with my own company… And they are always surprised as they would love to have someone come to visit them - probably means I should go and visit them more whereas I love to have a nice weekend at home.

Which is a long way of saying do you think that they think they are helping you by visiting - could your DH have asked them to look after you as he is away?

Yes. It's fucking mental to show up like that.

What is their contingency plan if you'd gone away for the weekend or booked a babysitter to go to a friend's house for a party?

YANBU AT ALL but give us more information FGS! All the deets, please.

I'd be horrified. We're pretty tidy but I like to prep for guests. We also don't really dress up if we're not expecting anyone so I'd also be a bit mortified - and in something bleach stained. It's just so rude.

If I were you I'd say it would be nice to see you but because I didn't know you were coming, I have imminent prior plans so you can't stay. Then wave them off.

I have a lovely day to myself today as DH is on a stag do. I've tidied out a room in our flat that seriously needed doing. It's definitely an easier-by-yourself-job. It's needed doing for ages and I'd have been really cross actually, if anyone had tried to either join me or do anything to combat my "loneliness". It has been perfect.

I had this surprise visit crap once with relatives (thankfully, they had booked somewhere else to stay). Unfortunately for them, they turned up in the middle of the week, and because I had no notice, I hadn’t booked the time off work, so the idiots had to entertain themselves during the day. They never did it again.