To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

You can't help what you're attracted to and if education is level is an option to filter then you won't be the only one.

I think you could reasonably select on that basis but I imagine you might exclude a fair number of lovely guys who for any kind of different factors, didn't go to uni. It's up to you though.

Do whatever you want OP. Not sure why you needed to tell us though? Surely the only reason is to upset people who did not go to uni and make them feel inferior?

I have to say if a prospective partner told me that, it would be a red flag for me.

Why do you need to ask this? Dating is necessarily discerning process matching up your individual likes and dislikes but asking here to validate your choices is kind of asking for a stream of opinions on why having a university degree is better than not having one.

FWIW I don’t believe that is the case. We have a wide mix of friends with and without degrees.

I think you can tell if someone is intelligent and can have a reasonable conversation very quickly. I don't think what their qualifications are is relevant.

When I played chess in a chess club I knew a woman who refused to date any man whose chess grade was below Grand Master level, I thought, good for you, stick to your standards.

I can see why you would. I might have, once. But I’ve met a lot of desperately incurious and/or boorish people with university degrees, and also plenty of people who are open minded and widely read in lots of fields, and who have really interesting alternative life experiences, like running businesses, farming, working in conservation and so on.

I went to university…I walked through it once as a shortcut…does this count?

You do you. But I have a PhD and if I were single I could never imagine applying such a filter.

I would go for intelligence and openness to ideas and to the world every time. Kindness. But these don’t correlate terribly closely with educational attainment.

I think these days a lot of degrees are quite worthless, and people have been to university but arent well educated at all. Having a degree now, doesn’t mean what it used to mean.
Having said that, I don’t disagree that reasoned thought and the ability to discuss ideas is attractive.

What about someone who makes something beautiful for a living? Like a master carpenter or a landscape gardener or a jeweller or an artisan baker or an organic cheesemonger or a vineyard owner? Are they all out?

I suspect what you actually mean, but don’t want to say, is someone in what you view as an unskilled job.

some people are sensible and dont go down the degree route - it can be a simple conveyor belt

Going to university doesn't guarantee someones intelligence.

it doesnt sound snobby it sounds ignorant of you op

Date whoever you like.

But going to university has nothing to do with enjoying learning or valuing education 🤷‍♀️

I agree that being asked about mt academic qualifications, superb as they are, would completely put me off someone.

Some of the most intelligent people I know don't have degrees. Some of the most stupid people I know have Masters or even PhDs.

Some degrees from some universities involve very little learning. A degree in gender studies from Goldsmith's for example basically means you're an unemployable imbecile

That’s not my intention at all, it’s just something I’ve been reflecting on and wanted to hear how others think about dating filters like this. It’s not about making anyone feel inferior, I know plenty of intelligent, successful people without degrees. For me it’s more about shared experiences and values.

I get that this wouldn’t sit right with everyone but we all have our own red flags and green flags when it comes to dating. That’s kind of the point of a forum like this, to hear different views.

How’s the search going?

I think everyone has spoken and unspoken criteria that has the potential to rule out some lovely people. It is what it is, you don't owe anyone a date.

Having said that, this is one thing to think and quite another thing when you meet someone who knocks your socks off. Rules like this can easily go out of the window when you click with someone.

You can date who you like but all I would say is that a degree doesn’t automatically equate to a love of learning.
My ex had a degree but hadn’t picked up a book or engaged in any type of learning since he’d graduated. Yet I know people without degrees who read vociferously and really engage with the world.

And I say that as someone who works at a uni, has multiple degrees and is also attracted to intelligence.

Honestly, that’s probably more fun than some of the 9am lectures I had so partial credit at least!

Jewellers and landscape gardening generally need degrees

You can date or not date based on any criteria you like.

dating is not a game where “fair” matters to anyone except yourself.

you might exclude some perfectly lovely guys based on your criteria, but that’s your choice and they would be better off with someone who values their intellect differently

I think someone who went to uni and then trained to be baker florist etc is different